Friday night’s trip to Bizarreville was courtesy of my boss, who for some time, has been trying to get me to meet her upstairs neighbor, Kevin. Kevin the, 30-something, scruffy faced, SUV-driving, software engineer with loads of money, upstairs neighbor. And previous to Friday night’s weirdness, I had been thinking that he seemed just about right.
WRONG!
Boss: So, what did you think of Kevin?
H: Well, truthfully, I felt a bit… mauled.
B: Aw, I’m sorry. He’s so cute though, right?
H: Cute?! He bit me on my stomach! After just meeting me!
B: Yeeeeah, he called the next day to apologize for being so drunk and silly…
H: I seemed to have missed that apology.
B: Oh, come on! You guys seemed to get on so well!
H: I get on well with LOTS of people. That usually not a reason suspect they’ll lift my shirt and bite me on the bare stomach!
Turns out, Kevin the upstairs neighbor is more like, Kevin the, 30-something, condescending, not-good at kissing, too aggressive when drunk, upstairs neighbor.
Singledom may get lonely, but one thing’s for certain. The world will never be that cold and dark.
Thank god for back-up boyfriends. And cats.
Damn, he’s crazy. I always wait until the second date before I spontaneously bite girls on the stomach.
Bit? Your stomach? If he didn’t live “upstairs,” I’d be wondering whether there were any shallow graves in his basement.
Biting virtual strangers = inexcusably bad form. Unless he’s a Vampire LARP guy, and that. . . would be worse, actually.
That qualifies as just plain weird.