I’d like to send a formal “welcome back” to my waistline, now that I’m seeing signs of its return from wherever it had been spending its winter holiday. After work, I will force myself to stop by the gym to take care of the necessary membership transfer. You know, to adios these, shall we say, substantial thighs and backside. Not that I really have anything against their Rubenesque proportions, but with the return of the thinner waistline, I’m beginning to get Cease and Desist orders from J-Lo’s people.
(Too many cooks in the kitchen, as it were. Some girls just can’t deal with a little healthy competition.)
Monday night being Manicure Night, I tidied up the kitchen and headed to the salon down the street for perhaps the worst French manicure in the history of the art. Here I was thinking the very purpose of a French manicure was to appear somewhat natural, while at the same time preserving that, “I’m sorta high maintenance look,” and I came outta that place with hands that would make Tammy Faye Baker look subtle. And when the thick, gloppy mess hadn’t dried an hour later, off it came. If I wanted cheap, prostitute hands, I’d have given myself a manicure. For free.
Oh, aren’t we touching on the real meaty subjects today? I’d like to, really, but I’m practicing avoidance.
As some of you know (and I give a nod toward the gang up in Boston), my father makes threats of suicide from time to time — this being one of those times, what with the one-year anniversary of The Great Divorce approaching. So, between the Sibling Defense League, emails fly, cell phone minutes get used up (as do greater amounts of over-the-counter sleep aids), and my stalwart brother has to traipse over to relieve my NRA-loving father of his firearm. At least this time, he has not disappeared.
So, dear reader, as I do my utmost to deal with my situation in the way I deem most appropriate (*cough cough* ignore it and maybe it will go away *cough*), you’ll simply be subject to my dissertations on the weighty matters of life, like, lip gloss and leg lifts.
Tomorrow’s topic? The Brazilian Wax. (I need a new aesthetician. Any recomendations?)
Tatyana at Elizabeth Arden. She is legendary. It’s $70 a pop, but it’s worth it.
Oh no… where on earth did you take your fingers?!! Is this what happens when I don’t call you back right away? Want to borrow Coupling tonight?
kiss kiss
Haven — conveniently located and relatively inexpensive as long as you stick with the basics and don’t upgrade to the fancy wax. http://www.wguides.com/city/33/215_252165.cfm
The fancy wax? Now that’s funny.
Fish! It’s all about LASER… Trust me on this one.
http://www.thekristenbuckleyshow.com/archives/007031.php
There are few words I enjoy more than “aesthetician.” Mostly because it sounds so delectably made-up, but also because I really want to hear a five year old say that they want to be an aesthetician when they grow up.
As for your nails, I would highly reccommend the Dashing Diva salon. It’s near NYU and I know you’re on the UWS, but it’sd cheap, chic and on Thursday and Friday nights they will give you a free cosmopolitan with your mani/pedi ($42). Mani lasted about 10 days and the pedi is still barely chipped three weeks later!
here’s the url:
http://www.dashingdiva.com/home/index.asp
…know she’s on the UWS, eh?
you know, just the reallllly far East part of the UWS. hee.
Fish: got to Natasha at Elite (39th street i think) .. she has yoh do breathing exercises and you feel nothing … she’s great
dude, if you are charging me $42 for a manicure/pedicure, you’d better give me the whole bottle of vodka. on my corner I think they just went up to $17 for both. but then I live in a *gasp* borough.
OK, I won’t try to pull a “I know how you feel” thing, b/c of course I DO NOT know just how you feel. But my parents got divorced when I was 18 (they’d been married 32 years) and nearly 8 years later, they are STILL totally messed up. So I can empathize, at least a little.
I admire your courage. My first Brazillian was also my last, when the aesthetician started to flirt quite openly with me whilst waxing It was just a little too Cosmo all-girl sealed section for my liking. I’ll stick to a regular wax, thankyou kindly.