I haven’t seen my mother in two years.
(Whether or not this makes me a bad person is not really up for discussion at this point.)
Yesterday afternoon my mother called to tell me that she will be in NYC for business next month, and would like to spend the weekend together.
Hmmm. Let me check my calendar.
I now have exactly one month to lose 20 pounds, get a haircut, and alter my sinful lifestyle so that it appears I am not on the fast track to dying alone with my cat.
Totally doable.
That’s less than a pound a day, shouldn’t be a problem!
Odd preparations for a mother’s visit… the backstory must be interesting.
I’m with Arthur. A haircut? The hell?
If you want to make it all memorable…leave the vibrator out in a conspicuous place…next to some Astroglide…and a copy of Penthouse Forum…
There is totally nothing wrong with being alone with your cat.
NOTHING.
Brian, always taking the good ideas…..
the mother!!!!!!!!!!
i’m concerned for you, etc, but mostly i’m excited about the prospective blog fodder. and that makes me evil.
Good luck with joe mamma! My mom and I were without contact for a couple years as well. We were “reunited” after a death in the family. We stay in touch now, but I won’t call it fun, mostly just toleration. Luckily there’s a few hundred miles between us anyway.
so glad i’m not the only one. i guess i love my mom, but please the annoyance of having a mother. i tell my mom that i really don’t need the directions “breathe in, breathe out” which it seems is what she means by all of her suggestions and comments. it’s kind of a joke and i kind of mean it too.
I’m guessing the folks who wondered about needing a haircut/diet/new life before a motherly visit have a different kind of mother than you or I. My mom is visiting in July, and I am already a little queasy. I wish on the one hand for July to hurry up & get here so it can be OVER, and on the other hand, for time to slow waaay down so I don’t have to think about it for a while. And she’s my “good” parent.
I’m hooked!
Yano, when I’m feeling sado-masochistic, I call and/or visit Mother on the fly. Works well, too. Brings me down when needed and makes me remember the good things like calmness. Rather like a bit of medicine when things get away from me…
Hope you’re as prepped as you choose to be before her arrival.