I don’t know how not to indulge this.
At 3:30 AM, I was limping around my apartment, trying to ease the leg cramps that were curling my toes and keeping me from sleep. In my desperate need for potassium, I took a multi-vitamin. We have no bananas today.
Half an hour later, I crept gingerly up to my roof where I paced until my legs relaxed a bit. Then I sat. And thought. And over-thought. Until it grew faintly light over the East River and it occurred to me how exposed I was, wearing nothing but my t-shirt.
So I went back to bed.
I’d gone to bed several hours earlier feeling disappointed over some small matter. Only, it’s no secret that nighttime does its best to amplify small matters — putting monsters in closets and leaving wolves without their sheepish disguises. Too much alone time spent not sleeping, watching minutes blink by on digital clocks in the various time zones of my apartment, and I was very tempted to make a late phone call. It was an empty sort of moment needing to be filled with a certain trademarked, “Awwww, I’m sorry, baby.”
But I let her sleep. She lives on Stuart Standard Time — it was even later there.
Today, the things made big by the night have curiously stayed big. My workday is in full swing, and I’m mentally abstaining. I’m just staring at the other office windows on Fifth Avenue, and sometimes at the black desk phone to my left. Ring. Be a friendly voice.
Justine was kind enough to fend off my 10:00 appointment. Like I said, I don’t know how not to indulge this. Though, I suppose I’d better try.
PS:
Thank you, friendly voice.
There’s more to the cramps than potassium. Calcium and magnesium sometimes help as well.
I’ve been told a Tums will fend them off fairly well.
monsters in the closet is right. there’s nothing like a night overthought to make you absolutely miserable… i’m in the same place, really. i just keep telling myself that it’ll get better soon.
right?
Fish, gotta say, we all know I’m a huge fan, but this was one of your best-written missives.
Thanks, Paul! Now, go study for the Bar. Go.
I suggest a caramel macchiato and ten minutes of sunshine. xxx jen
wwww, I’m sorry, fish.
Sometimes I’ve found that “things made big by the night have curiously stayed big” because I’m overtired from laying awake over them all night.
I hope you find you answer, or if not that peace.
Once again, beautifully written.
It all comes from drinking and smooching boys in taxi cabs. Guilt attacks the motor neurons, which twitch uncontrollably, causing the muscles to tighten and cramp. Fortunately, my scientific background (which consisted of one term of college chemistry) has allowed me to reveal the truth here for the first time. Do I hear any skeptics, hmm?
oh my GOD, stuart standard time be damned, this year “awww i’m sorry baby” is a 2-4-7 operations.
christ, you’d think i was DRUNK from the typos. let’s make that “this HERE” and “operation”, shall we?
What a lovely way to describe that moment we have all experienced. Cheers.
Leg cramps can also be a symptom of dehydration so if you’ve been drinking a lot of alcohol or caffeine lately you might want to up your water. This dull piece of “Ask Heloise-ish” advice does not in any way detract from my appreciation for this beautiful piece of writing!
Fish you’re an inspiration.
I still owe you one since the 10am-ers never showed. I’ve been dying for the chance to be professionally mean to someone, so I’m sorta disappointed they didn’t appear before me to feel my wrath.
oh man, those night-time can’t sleep, marathon mind racing sessions. welcome to my life. if you only knew what i take to go to sleep at night–during the day, if i took this little cocktail, i’d be passed out for hours.
do you feel tired when you go to bed? i ask only because i do. insurmountably tired. yawning. and when i hit the bed, i’m that tierd for about 5 minutes. then the OCD mind churning this happens. last night, i was up till 4. ugh. i hate it.