Am convinced email was created for sole purpose of giving yours truly something naughty to do at work. Lately, if am having conversation with B, and an item of food is involved, is a pretty sure bet that said food item is merely a sexual metaphor.
Cereal: Sex. Or, more specifically, morning sex. Though, like cereal, can really be had at any time of day.
Coffee: Also morning sex. The best part of wakin' up... or, Good to the last drop.
Soup: Sex. Of the Campbell's variety, it's Mmmm Mmmm Good. Or Progresso, It's in there. (personal favorite)
Pizza: Really great sex. Hot, steamy, with all the toppings.
Current Inappropriate-for-Work email centered around cereal:
B: Want some? I think I know where to find it.
H: The cereal aisle at Stop n Shop?
B: Nope. Your house. Direct, ain't I?
H: (laughing) Yes, you are!
B: Well?
Indeed. Current taunting email from J:
J: Sorry, sweetie. It was a joke.
H: Ok, I get it now. I'm a little slow today. Don't tell anyone about my retardedness. Please.
J: No need, honey. They all know....
H: As my dad would say, 'You're cruisin for a bruisin.'
J: My mom says that, too.
H: That and "You're going to get it." I always hoped "it" was something good.
J: Yeah. If "it" was a new video game or ice cream, I would have acted up more....if that's possible.
H: I bet you were a handful. Ok, so I declare, from now on, "it" will mean something good.
J: Ooohhh. You're going to get it!!!
H: Sweet!
J: Okay, going to a meeting for the rest of the day. See ya tonight.
Am now using all mental faculties concentrating on what exactly "it" means and if am going to be on receiving end this evening. Do hope so.