Saturday morning, while watching Kitten follow the sunny spot across the bed in her usual napping pattern, Harris and I agreed to grow old together.
We’ll be aloof to the neighbors in order to lend an air of mystery, to give us some appeal in our old age. We’ll keep kittens, have tea time (no biscuits – we’ll be watching our figures), and breakfast on yogurt and organic granola. He’ll write songs and I’ll write… anything but songs, and we’ll fancy one another in peace and harmony for the rest of our days. There will be rocking chairs involved at some point, I imagine. And he’ll allow me to eat ice cream right out of the carton, just so long as I share.
And all this can be mine if neither of us is married by age 35.
Trip and I formed a similar arrangement earlier this year, but I have to say, it lacks much of the appeal of the Harris Agreement. I have promised Trip only a passionless marriage and two bitter children. There would be no fancying, no rocking chairs and no kittens (as Trip is allergic).
It’s all about having the Back-Up Plan. You know, preventing the whole dying-alone-with-your-cat thing, while at the same time, leaving the present open to all sorts of romantic possibilities with whomever should happen along.
It’s not a bad deal, really, being the Back-Up Girl. While it’s not as pleasant as being someone’s One and Only, being number two on a whole lot of lists is something, right? So I’m not the girl he wakes up thinking about, but at least I am the first one that comes to mind when the object of his real affections isn’t pulling her share.
It’s like romantic bench-warming or something.
Just be a good back up girl...Not a Jenny "Forest Gump" Back up...Ex-coke whore w/ HIV. Nobody, outside of introverted, simpleton, millionaires want that.
Signed introverted, simpleton millionaire.
P.S. I'm engaged! Whoot, hoot.
Posted by: Country Mike at February 9, 2004 10:52 AMDoesn't every smart girl have a back up man? It's like buying insurance. You may never need it, but its reassuring to know it's there.
Posted by: SR at February 9, 2004 11:23 AMhmm.
I just realized I just turned 35 a few weeks ago. My back-ups have faded into my past. Here I am, still waiting for that one and only. I need to find someone available for a 36 year old back-up!
Posted by: Jonathan at February 9, 2004 11:50 AMI was recently reminded by my backup that I am still obliged to have her 10 children and be her First Gentleman when she becomes President someday. I think she was dead serious too. That said, she's living with her boyfriend and I am (soon to be) living with my girlfriend. What are we going to do in 4 years when we turn 30 and one (or both) of us doesn't have that ring? "Sorry, honey, but I have to get married to...."
Oh, and I think I need a "kitten clause" in my back up contract.
Posted by: Yankee at February 9, 2004 12:00 PMWhat if your back-up gets married or you are pre-empted by a previously contracted back-up? Maybe you need to periodically rotate in new recruits to mitgate risk.
Posted by: Grand Master B at February 9, 2004 01:46 PMI don't have the traditional kind of back up plan, but a plan with a friend. No marriage included but definitely rocking chairs...
(I wrote about it a while ago)
having a backup and being a backup is always good. funny you should write about this becuase i was just thinking about it the other day. i have a lot of really close guy friends, most of whom have girlfriends, so i'm #2 in a lot of instances... and sometimes that's an ok way to be. because you can then have all of them instead of just one.
Posted by: whitney at February 9, 2004 03:00 PMFor clarification's sake, do all back up plans involve dying and cats? Or just those two?
Posted by: Steve at February 9, 2004 04:13 PMNo Kittens!!?? That one is a badly negotiated back up. Who can live without kittens? I like backup number two.
It's rough, though-- my "backup" got married way before I did. Bastard. But it turned out I didn't need him after all.
And, to that mean old comment box person-- yes, blogs are about self. They're often journals that we choose, for some reason, to share.
I just would remind her what Thumper's dad used to say "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say nuthin' at all."
Posted by: Kim at February 9, 2004 04:29 PMmy coworker (female, married) has a standing agreement that someday she'll run off to montana with her childhood friend (female, married), live on a farm, have a non-sexual marriage-type relationship between the two of them, and be allowed boyfriends.
it's sort of like benchwarming, too.
Posted by: julia at February 9, 2004 06:05 PMI have a long-standing backup agreement with a truly lovely old friend from college, who, sadly (from the straight girl perspective) is gay. But: We agreed that if it all seems to be comin' up nothin' for us both, we're moving in, having a baby, and allowing each other as many lovers as we want...so long as our lovers aren't the same guy. That'd be triangle-y and icky. Oh, and I get kittens and he gets a golden retriever.
I think we all win. :)
Posted by: Jenica at February 9, 2004 07:12 PMYou will grow old and die alone.
Posted by: Rocco Yamamoto at February 9, 2004 08:04 PMWhen I was in high school I started working on backup plans. As it stands now (10 years later) three are married and one is divorced. Funny thing about it is that the one that is divorced is the "top of the line" one who has a great child that loves me. We will see. We have 3 more years of "stand by".
Posted by: Cosmo at February 9, 2004 09:01 PMI'll settle for any back-up with super-long legs and a lot of tall people in their family. If I'm gonna do the back-up thing, I might as well be certain that our children will have a genetic make-up sure to qualify them to be either supermodels or pro-basketball players. In a loveless marriage based on mutual pity, I figure it'll be the least I can do...
Posted by: Kathryn at February 9, 2004 11:29 PMI hate coming in second.
Posted by: Frankenstein at February 10, 2004 07:49 AMmy backup is in england, but he said that he'd move to the us at the age of 35 if neither of us are already taken. odd that when we were dating, he eschewed the idea of moving here, but now that we're just friends, he volunteers it...
Posted by: dahl at February 10, 2004 11:09 AM