It started out innocently enough. One stop on the express train after work to get a few supplies for the new apartment -- armed with my list:
Hangers
Mop
1 set King-size pillowcases
C batteries
Dish rack
Simple. But when I got there, it was like opening Pandora’s Box. You know, only with a little less evil. Diet Pandora’s Box, I suppose.
So there I am, my list of necessary household items functioning more as a jumping off point for spending negotiations, and my cart starts filling as though by itself. The folks at Bed Bath & Beyond are so helpful, that I’m finding everything I need and want. Better said, suddenly, the things I wanted were becoming the things I needed. Things I certainly could not live without.
A new Brita? Surely! Forget that I’ve been drinking Manhattan tap water for ages and never acquired any intestine-devouring illnesses. Who’s to say that MY tap won’t be the one mysteriously infected with Mad Cow Disease?
Two sets King-size pillowcases. On sale. You hear me? On sale means you’re not allowed to get just one.
Throw blanket for the club chair. Yeah, I know I have one somewhere. But it’s sage green. And um, sage green doesn’t go with the new red wall.
Shower curtain hooks. Olive oil bottle. Desk chair. Hand towels. A dozen hangers. Batteries. Mop. Over-the-door hangers. Bathroom soap dispenser. Bathmat. Vase.
There should have been some sort of intervention at that point. Maybe if I’d collapsed to the linoleum floor screaming, “Make it stop!” I’d have been escorted off the premises by a member of the ultra-friendly BB&B staff. Or perhaps it was too late and I was just too far gone to rescue.
A few hundred dollars later, and I was in a taxi going home, my receipt mocking me from my purse.
“Silly woman,” it said. “You forgot to buy a dish rack.”
Which, we know, means I have to go back. But I don’t think I should go alone. In fact, I am going to need assistance.
Someone’s going to have to loosen the restraints so I can pay.
Bed Bath & Beyond for you, Target for me. Both virtually impossible to walk out without spending at least $100...but at least new home shopping is fun.
Thinking about Kitten and hoping you get her back really soon.
I thought the other person was to hold the restraints, not loose them.
C size is the red-headed stepchild of batteries. What did you need those for? (Or do I even want to know? har har)
Posted by: Michael Too at April 7, 2004 09:50 AMThis is what I refer to as one of the $200 stores. Impossible to walk out without having spent $200. Other offenders include: Home Depot, any of those wholesale wharehouse supermarket places (ie, Costco), and yes, Target.
Posted by: Torrie at April 7, 2004 09:54 AMThe batteries are for my shower CD player, incidentally.
Most devices (ahem) of that sort only require AA. We've come a long way, baby.
Posted by: Fish at April 7, 2004 10:06 AMTwo sets King-size pillowcases? Totally reasonable. Everyone needs more than one if they don't want to have an empty bed while the current bedding is in the laundry.
Throw blanket for the club chair? That's gotta match, you don't wanna look like a decorating idiot.
Shower curtain hooks? Well, duh, yeah. How would you hang your shower curtain without them?
-Desk chair? Definitely.
-Hand towels? Hullo, you have to dry your hands after you wash them.
-A dozen hangers? Obviously.
-Batteries? Necessary, of course.
-Mop? Give me a break, does this one even need to be justified?
-Over-the-door hangers? Highly functional and important.
These, I can't help you with:
-Olive oil bottle? Uhhh. I'd like to know how YOU justified this one.
-Bathroom soap dispenser? It's called "Zest".
-Bathmat? You could use one of those king-sized sheets if you had to.
-Vase? Riiiiight.
Tee hee.
Ah, hell, I would have done the same thing as you. That's why I own a $150 porn-star wig. Sometimes women can't be helped when they're shopping.
Posted by: Kim at April 7, 2004 10:31 AMI went to BB&B last night too. Finally found out what damn knife that Rachel Raye uses. Way cool. And I'm probably too excited than need be to hack up some veggies with my new weapon.
Posted by: GrumpyBunny at April 7, 2004 10:33 AMShopping for a new place is frighteningly fun and bad for the bank account.
I always walk into a BB&B and either walk out in tears cause I'm broke and I just need need need that really fancy toiler brush holder or I walk out WITH the toilet brush holder and completely forgetting the hangers I walked in there to buy in the first place.
Two things:
#1- Olive oil bottles are completely necessary! :)
#2- Moral support is always good to bring with you. Beware tho, if their an enabler, they'll LET you buy it all.
Posted by: jen at April 7, 2004 11:14 AMI think over-spending at BB&B post-move is a rite of passage. Everyone says throw out lots of stuff, don't over-pack, then you land at your new place and suddenly it's 'Wait, I have no garbage bags?' 'Ugh, I have no detergent or anything?' and 'Sure hangers are 10 for a dollar, but does that mean I had to throw away all 100 of them?!' and of course, 'Wow, those candles would make the place feel homey.'
At least that's how I always justify my multi-hundred dollar receipts.
Posted by: deb at April 7, 2004 11:19 AMAll I'm going to say is...can I have your shopping list? I went through it and said...hmmm, I don't have THAT.
Posted by: Paul Gutman at April 7, 2004 11:28 AMOnce, I was supposed to meet some friends for a movie. I decided to make a quick stop at BB&B before meeting up with them. I wanted to buy an elctric mixer, for the frosting for a birthday cake I was planning on making the next day. That was all. One little thing to pick up. Two hours and a giant cartful of stuff later, I got a phone call from one of my friends, asking where I was. I sheepishly admitted that I had totally lost track of time and gotten sucked into BB&B. In the background, I heard another of my friends ask where I was. The friend on the phone responded with, "She's lost in the Beyond." This is now a common phrase we use to refer to what happens to people when they enter that store.
Posted by: Amber at April 7, 2004 12:11 PMHow is it that we live in one fully functional apartment / house and then we move and we somehow need all of this new stuff? It happens to me every time.
Posted by: Torrie at April 7, 2004 12:35 PMO. how I feel the pain.
We just went there when after a suburban Macaroni Grill night when a few too many glasses of House Chianti had gone straight to my head.
The $70 TempurPedic pillow was totally unnecessary.
Posted by: helenjane at April 7, 2004 06:49 PMWhat's the Beyond? Well, here in Sydney, it's Bed, Bath and Table.
Which explains why I went in there for an extra set of white queen size sheets and came out with new placemats, cute salt and pepper grinders and new champagne flutes.
Hey, a girl's gotta toast her new apartment in style.
Posted by: Dani at April 7, 2004 10:23 PMGracious Home delivers
Posted by: Jim at April 8, 2004 12:47 AMSweetheart... I knew you should have celebrated Passover and come home with me. Then you could have joined me on the Ari & Target/K-Mart reunion tour {which is where your soon-to-be-delivered-housewarming hails from!}
Next time.
Posted by: Ari at April 8, 2004 10:16 AMThis is why I put at the top of my shopping list
NOTHING MORE THAN THIS!
Not that it works all the time, but it probably has stopped me from considering all that purple plastic picnic stuff.
Posted by: Michael at April 8, 2004 03:34 PM