I had always maintained that if I were going to pick up and move to New York, I wouldn't do it with less than $10,000 in savings. I would live in Manhattan. I would have my own apartment. And I would not eek by.
I would be done eeking by that point.
And in all truthfulness, for all my talk about moving to New York, I never thought I’d actually do it.
But as a purveyor of self-fulfilling prophecies, here I am, watching the sun chase shadows across Fifth Avenue’s face, thinking I should be more careful about what I say. Not that this has been a mistake by any means. Aside from the heartbreak that has been losing the one thing I cared about without any measure of selfishness (Oh, don’t cry! Jesus. Get it together!), and a far sight less that ten grand in the bank, everything has unfolded exactly as it should.
I have a cozy apartment in a convenience-laden neighborhood (one convenience being the neighbors themselves), a demanding and satisfying job and some truly amazing and supportive friends.
I should be pleased with myself, I think.
I will admit that living alone is taking adjustment. Even when roommate was traveling, I had Kitten to yammer at in the mornings as I stumbled around getting ready for work. This morning, I had to fill the silence with Joss Stone and Aretha Franklin.
I will admit, too, though much more easily here than face-to-face, that I’m feeling a bit homesick for the smell of Roommate’s cheap ass coffee, for the chore of lint-brushing Kitten’s hair from my work clothes, for the buzz of the loudest refrigerator ever, and the glare of the sun on my bed in the morning.
I’ll admit that I’ve thought I was hungry and it turned out to be nothing more than a bit of sadness. And that swallowing doesn’t take away the lump in my throat. But I imagine it will shrink and go away on its own eventually.
Sooner than later, I imagine, this new life will be routine and steady as my previous one had been. And maybe Kitten will come back and I’ll be complaining of lint and dust bunnies again. And if she doesn’t, I’ll adjust as I always have, and find something else to grumble over, and secretly love.
hugs girl! Good for you though for accomplishing your dreams...
You'll settle in, and in a way it's nice to know you had such a wonderful array of things to grumble about before, isn't it? Nice and comforting annoyances. I really hope Kitten comes home and you have lint to brush again...
Posted by: Autumn at April 6, 2004 09:49 AMI was thinking about you and your move and about how I could say supportive things like "Think of all the friends you have there!" - because of course Sarah and Krissa and many other bloggers who know and love you are there - but I couldn't help but think of the way that we as humans are powerfully able to feel alone even when we have everything that we "need." Sadness is such a strange and cosmic feeling that can exist only within our minds and yet go on until infinity.
I'm glad that you are realistic and smart enough to know that you get over things, adapt and learn new ways. This is probably the most powerful stumbling block that people face and many don't get over (myself, for instance). But know even when you are lonely that all of us have ached towards the empty stars, wishing that one would beam down a message pure to our hearts, telling us that we are Known, we Belong and we are Loved.
Posted by: Michael Too at April 6, 2004 10:20 AMNYC is amazing and beautiful and exciting, but life is so much more about the people that fill it than the actual address you are in. You have accomplised a lot. NYC is tough.
Posted by: SR at April 6, 2004 10:28 AMI've got your kitty, and it won't be coming back! He says he's sick of living with a narcissitic bitch who rants about her life all the time. He says his ears used to bleed every day with exasperation. He'd suggest the next animal you capture and keep trapped in your home be, for the sake of common decency, deaf.
His words, not mine.
Posted by: Rocco Yamamoto at April 6, 2004 10:30 AMWhat an ass hole.
Posted by: Phil at April 6, 2004 10:43 AMI *love* your site! I love the little paragraph on the site about how "this fish needs a bicycle." So cute. It's my dream to move to NYC someday, as well, so you're truly inspiring to me. Thumbs up!
Posted by: leah at April 6, 2004 10:49 AMFishy, I can't tell you the number of times last night that I thought/worried/dreamt about RK's running away! I know it doesn't really help, but you've got far-flung internet friends who are truly hoping for a safe return of your kitten.
Best wishes, baby girl!
Posted by: Cati at April 6, 2004 11:36 AMGirl....hugs....we need to do lunch.
Posted by: Brian, the 646 Guy at April 6, 2004 12:41 PMWelcome, Welcome!
I shall share with you The Ultra Super Important Thing that every girl needs to know when moving to NYC:
For a fabulous haircut, Brian @ Laicale. You seem like the type of gal who would appreciate such things. Go to him. You shan't regret it. http://www.laicale.com/ You'll look like a rockstar.
Best Wishes from one of NYC other single gals.
Posted by: Kathryn at April 6, 2004 02:36 PMMy now ex-girlfriend's cat ran off before she moved in with me. She came back in a few hours, but she was old and tired. Kitten's young and rambunctious. She needs to sow her wild oats first.
Posted by: Matthew Caldecutt at April 6, 2004 04:00 PMtsk. silly, girl kittens don't have wild oats!
best of luck finding her, fish. don't lose hope.
Posted by: janna at April 6, 2004 04:46 PMApparently Rocco, despite his/her whinging and complaining, secretly loves reading that which he/she whinges and complains about, being a regular and all.
Posted by: Lisa at April 7, 2004 06:46 AMCentral Park On Sunday Mornings - early
Posted by: Jim at April 8, 2004 12:24 AMHey Rocco- GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Sorry Fish, I just felt like I had to say it.
My thoughts are with you!
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