June 24, 2004

big ole bag of sex education

One honeydew flavored condom.

That was the only even remotely scandalous item in my gift bag from last night’s benefit at the Museum of Sex. Was I foolish to have expected better?

The proceeds of the night’s event went to a worthy cause for public reproductive health research and education. Yadda yadda. That’s great and all, but couldn’t they have at least thrown in some dirty playing cards or something? True, there was a nice copy of the MTV sex-ed pamphlet, and I now have a handy, concise reference to the symptoms of a wide array of sexually transmitted diseases. (This will not stop me from diagnosing a canker sore as syphilis.)

If I hadn’t found the honeydew condom hiding in my big ole bag of sex education, I’d have been forced to march back to the museum and demand that sexual tarot reading I never got around to having. You know, in order not to consider the night a complete bust.

I mean, if I’m going to be all charitable and such, I feel like I should be getting some decent smut out of the deal.

Posted by This Fish at June 24, 2004 09:01 AM
Comments

A pair of those nipples ala Samantha on SaTC...

Posted by: GrumpyBunny at June 24, 2004 10:15 AM

Oh, Lord, it finally has happened -- goody bags for adult parties. It's difficult enough to know what to get a house full of five-year-olds. Shrek stickers? Tootsie Rolls? Action figures? But honeydew-flavored condoms? FLAVORED? Please tell us that you will drop them off at the local Planned Parenthood clinic. Fish?

Posted by: Michael at June 24, 2004 11:18 AM

Of course I will, Michael. Why would I need a flavored condom?

I only participate in RISKY sexaul activity.

Posted by: Fish at June 24, 2004 11:22 AM

oh good, now i don't feel bad for having missed it.

Posted by: dahl at June 24, 2004 11:28 AM

How do you get INVITED to these things?

Posted by: Jason at June 24, 2004 12:22 PM

Oh, Fish, may the gods adore you. OF COURSE you don't need condoms. Wait, did you say RISKY? Hmm ... must get e-mail address for Fish's mother...must have talk...must urge mother to have talk...must use more pronouns in future.

Posted by: Michael at June 24, 2004 12:38 PM

risky sex is out. fun sex is in. free condoms here. try the new "warm sensations" or a "her pleasure" for something new.

Posted by: hub at June 24, 2004 03:24 PM

What you did miss was very sensibly priced pleasure devices in the gift shop. But you're right, I was expecting more scandal than we got. But of all the flavors of condoms, I would think Honeydew, being a double entendre and all, is a good symbol of the risque, at least metaphorically.

What me, overthink? Never.

Posted by: Esther/Madonna at June 24, 2004 05:07 PM

Honeydew flavored...there are sooo many jokes in that.

Posted by: Smitty at June 25, 2004 01:36 AM

Esther/Madonna: You overthink? How foolish of us to believe that. And I'm not opposed to all condom use. Otherwise, there may be consequences. "Lady Esther/Madonna, baby at your breast. Wonder how you manage to feed the rest."

Posted by: Michael at June 25, 2004 09:03 AM