This Fish Needs A Bicycle

oh, sugar, i'm so sorry about your things! alas!

though i think that kevin is really on to something, there...

I left my phone in a cab on Fri night. Too tipsy to care. This is the 3rd phone that I have lost whilst too tipsy to care. The 3rd! And the 2nd in a cab. I need to have my phone tatooed to my inner arm.

i know its pretty much a waste of time, but is it totally a waste of time to try calling the cab co?

What a great website, seriously, I like nothing better than reading about some rich, self indulgent moron who wants to bray about just how fucking wonderful she is! The articles are fascinating, really fucking interesting, what a useful way to spend your time!

Fucked up neurotic idiots with the depth of puddles - ACNE on the face of humanity. I hope botox stretches your face into a daliesque nightmare!

Please dont have children, please spare the world your biological legacy, if not for my sakes, for theirs.

Then again you are probably barren as a result of you 'oh! look how fucking wonderful I am cosmopolitan cocktail bullshit life'

You know, that being only slightly less bullshit than my cowardice. I'd leave a real email address, but my parents were related before they got married and well, the results weren't pretty. Please accept my cowardly, anonymous comment and try to overlook all of my egregious grammatical errors.

Yea, it really sucks losing stuff. I try to keep a zen attitude, but it never works out. I get into this deep argument with my self about how I don't deserve nice things because I can't take care of them, and that really pisses me off. It usually ends with me spending more money then I have on something even better then what I lost, just to teach myself a lesson.

Oh, God! Not... ACNE!

I don't understand why people get so offended if you decide to write a "shallow" post. So what if you're writing about clothes? It's entertainment. Of course there's more to you than what you write here, but that's not what you want to share with the world, for whatever reason - which frankly isn't anyone's business. I think it's interesting some people assume that you don't spend any time entertaining deep or important thoughts because of what you write here. It reminds me of someone who thinks they know all about a famous actor because they see his character on TV every week. No one who reads your blog, or even who knows you in real life, knows all of who you are or what you do or believe.

Me,

Are you referring to my crush on Ashlee Simpson?

No. You and Ashlee really ARE best friends in real life.

You know Fish, I ENJOY what you write, because your life and my life are so different. I have never thought that you came across as shallow or selfish or anything like that. It's YOUR website. Write whatever the fuck you want because it's about bits and pieces of YOUR life. These sad little trolls who attempt to SCHOOL us while accusing you of trying to look SMARTER and WITTIER really need to look up the word HYPOCRITE.

Morons.

Oh, and as for the fund? I don't think I make enough in a YEAR to undo my idiot moves. I'm clumsy and horribly forgetful, and have been referred to as "an accident waiting to happen" on more than one occasion...

don't you have something better to do than re-enact sex and the city?

Clearly no more so than you do reading about it.

dumbass.

Try not to feel too bad, Fish. Remember when Yo Yo Ma left his cello in the trunk of that cab? At least your career doesn't depend on that wrap...

love reading your stories-- keep it up!

liz

It's nice to see that the Hate Squad splits their timwe between the both of us. Lame. Anyway, I dug what you wrote, I def. need an idiot fund and thanks so much for delicious dinner last night. You're the bees knees doll. Kisses.

I just got the money together to replace the tripod and killer tripod head I stupidly left sitting in a parking lot 2 years ago. I had to go with a lesser head, too.

that sounded weird.

I lost my cell phone and two pair of glasses on the Metro and recovered all three items within days due to the very nice lost-and-found folks. The cab companies keep things too, I imagine. It's worth a call or two.

Botox? "Daliesque" nighmare? With Fish? Oh, I think somebody forgot their "please and thank you" this morning. Not enough soy on the Weetabix, F.O.? Or too little salsa on the mojo lately?

don't hate us cuz we're fucked up.

i think it's that here's you with your "oh-i'm-so-pretty-i'm-so-white-i'm-so-gatdamn-lucky" flashlight and the rest of us are left to either admire or hate.

and to be honest, fish, what you do with your life is what you do with your life. can't please everybody but i sure hope you really are pleasing yourself (no sexual stuff implied here at all).

out of curiousity (cuz you know, it killed the cat and me), do you have any black friends?

"I'm-so-white"??

You're going to make this a RACE issue? That is, by far, the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said here. Congratulations.

I'll dignify the "lucky" portion of your comment with this repsonse: I went to college on academic scholarship, and worked for what the scholarship didn't pay for. I ALSO worked my way up to my current job, doing shit loads of unpleasant work. I have earned every bit of success that's come my way and STILL am very aware it could be taken from me at any moment.

It's not luck, you twit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go call all my ethnic friends and invite them to dinner. You've shamed me so.

Maybe if we ignore the trolls, they'll go back to ripping off other people's blogs and climb back into the woodwork? I'd be curious to know what a quick little IP lookup on your web server reveals.

Geez, and I thought *I* needed a life ...

Attention, trolls: The First Rule of Blogging is: My blog, my rules.

So: Fish's blog. Fish's rules. Don't like it? Why, I bet there's zillions of other places on the Internet where you can go play. So hie thee hence.

I lost my gift swiss army knife keychain, too, or I would give you mine...

Just ignore all those ass hats out there. Sometimes its nice to read simple, silly posts. Everything doesn't have to be drama. In fact, if it was, it wouldn't be as nice to read! So keep up the good work. I find comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who does these silly things!

I've recently stumbled upon your site and I enjoy reading it... but good gracious! some people are assholes! Why in the world do they believe they have the right to leave rude ass messages insulting your life when they don't know you?
Do you always get pestered this way? Two thumbs up for not going off and swearing in little temper tantrums (that's what I would do).

My little sister left my needlepoint in a cab in Caracas - it was almost finished, too. Even though that was 20-something years ago, I've only just recently forgiven her..... (Can I have a "My sister/brother/whoever is an idiot" fund as well as an "I'm an idiot" fund?)

Don't let the nit-wits get to you, sweetie!! Most of us really love reading your work or we wouldn't come back. (The others are just trying to get your knickers in a twist by being ugly...)

Hugs to you, and happy Monday!!

reading this post and the comments reminded me of three things:

1. what fun friday was, despite the loss of the shawl of happiness;
2. how much i admire you; and
3. goddamnit, the fact that i have the zit from HELL.

I just started reading your blog a week ago, and I think it is great. You are a fantastic writer with a great sense of humor. Just ignore all of the asshole's that would try to bring you down.

Off chance -- recognize the cab company logo? They might have a lost and found....

I have said this time and again: do not let them get you down. I say this to anyone who has to take unpleasant/unwarranted words from jerks looking to feed their own ego's while bringing others down. "They" are looking for "something" and whether they would like to admit they are finding it here. Obviously yours is a life they admire and enjoy reading about or they wouldn't keep coming back. Here's the thing (because not everything I write is a ray of sunshine): If you're going to be an asshole, just stop. Go join a support group or something, but quit trying to bring everyone else down with your crap. Life is too short for all that BS and you're not amongst friends when you attack Fish or her posts...get real.

Oh Fish, how mean some people are. I love your writing and your life is just fine Fish, just fine.
I have lost one mini swiss army knife key chain. I have successfully managed to hang on to number two. I even got it on the plane to Sydney, a big no-no.
Fear not Fish, the amount of viewing public that like you by far outwiegh the crap.

So much hate, so little brains. I'd say more but they're not worth the effort.

Go Fish!

Dang it, I wasn't going to waste my time on the trolls, but I just had an idea. (shhhh, speak softly, you might scare it away...)

Fish, you and your Blog Tribe outta go trolling for trolls, er, fishing for trolls, uhm, you know what I mean.

It could be a creative writing project, community builder and betting game all in one. The idea would be to get everyone to create a fictitious post. Something designed to stir the scabbyknuckles up. The post that gets the most trolls without anyone spotting the deception wins the author something fabulous and frivolous. Bonus points could be awarded for all caps, worst spelling, most egregious non-sequitur etc.

The trick would be to create something that doesn't involve politics, religion or sports but still riles up the monocellabicbrained crowd.

Of course the real payoff is using the selfrightousbasementdwellersofdubioushygene for your own entertainment. They don't seem to respond to being mocked, must be use to it, but I suspect they can't handle being used.

My money would be on you to win big. ThisFish is the only blog I read that gets such venom from something so innocuous as a post about a lost shawl.

what a great idea. a "trolls are idiots" fund.

As far as being shallow or frivolous, I think the "idiot fund" idea is a service to humanity.
I'm sure it's not that original, but I'm really thinking that is a concept that would improve my
life immeasurably. I just beat myself up so badly everytime I lose something for no good
reason, this is one way to come to some sort of zen acceptance that this shit happens and it's
really okay.

Fish, I have been reading your blog thanks to "randomness personified", one of my dearest friends, and you not only entertain me, but you are very open and willing to share yourself and your insights into who you are as a human being and I can often relate to what you see about yourself. You are not shallow. You are honest about who you are!

" fuck off" can do JUST THAT. If you don't like what you read buddy, take it off of your favorites list. No one is forcing you to read it. I am sorry that your life is so pathetic and you are so insecure about yourself that you have to go around raining on other people's parades and analyzing what you see as their faults. Why don't you spend a little bit of your blog surfing time to take a look at yourself and see what it is you don't like about YOU that has you go around being downright rude and judgemental. What a sad existence you must live. I guess you spend so much time blogging because you have no friends because they don't live up to your predetermined standards. I hope you find happiness in your life and don't live it out being hateful.

GO FISH!! I LOVE your blog!

I wonder if our friend FO is a proponent of capitalism and the American Way, since the "empty" consumerism practiced by so many people is what makes it work. In fact, I'd be tempted to say that the majority of Americans practice an unexamined life heavy with buying. I wonder why, with so many people in this country (not even this world) are more empty in their values, consumerism and behavior, he thinks you are a problem? Perhaps it's because you write about it.

But you've written about other things.

Yikes. I admire your ability to deal gracefully with morons. I have pretty firm "my journal is MY journal" beliefs and don't think I would be able to be so nice about it.

Besides, who says the cosmopolitan cocktail lifestyle can't be part of an overall well-balanced life?

woah, where did all the trolls come from? i've never thought of you as uber-priveleged by your writing. i've been entertained and amused. and the race card? wtf is that?

like the others that have BRAINS said, don't let the bastards get you down. you're doing a fantastic job with your blog.