November 15, 2004

breaking bread

When I was 12, Mark made fun of my eye shadow.

On Saturday, I sat with Mark, his fiancée, Susan and my mother, lunching at the Marriott. Mark is now in his early forties, and I, well I’m a healthy distance out of adolescence, and I figured it was time to let bygones be bygones.

“I hated you when I was a kid, you know.”
“Oh really?” He looked amused.
“Yes. You made fun of my make-up. It was nearly unforgivable.”

When my West Coast sister called last night to gush with me about all things New York Times related, I told her about lunch with mom and Mark.

“He was mean,” she said. “He told me I set the table wrong. And he made fun of your make-up.”
“You remember that?” My sister had been no older than eight at the time, but it seems she was also holding on to a fifteen year old grudge.
“Totally.”
“Well, he’s nothing but nice now and his fiancée is ridiculously likeable.”
“He’s engaged?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmmm… I always thought he was gay.”

While I’d never thought he was gay, I’d always thought that Mark was a grown-up. So when my mother reminded me of the math -- that Mark was only twenty-five when he used to come to Sunday dinner at our house -- and recounted some of his antics of those days, I realized, he was not a grown-up at all. And I should have let him off the hook for that comment years ago.

But you know, hell hath no fury and all that.

Posted by This Fish at November 15, 2004 11:34 AM
Comments

Wouldn't that be a 14 year old grudge?

And hooray on the NYT piece! I pointed it out to my husband yesterday morning, and said "I read her blog every day!"

Posted by: Kimberly at November 15, 2004 11:45 AM

Weird, innit? I used to think twenty-five was grown-up. Then I turned twenty-five.

Posted by: Gopi at November 15, 2004 12:22 PM

I was talking to my sister recently and she mentioned that our father had run into an old teacher of hers that she hated. It took me two guesses. "Did you know I wrote him a letter?" I asked. "Yes," she said. Mother had asked me not to send it. But the way my 7th grade sister described his treatment of her, I wanted to go into the school and pound him into the ground. How dare he humiliate her?

We siblings remember who crosses our brothers and sisters. We look forward to forming death squads. :)

Congratulations on the article. Well done.

Posted by: Michael R at November 15, 2004 02:18 PM

It's funny, isn't it, how we always assume the people older than us are grown up?

I remember being in 2nd grade and thinking that the 6th graders were SO OLD! I couldn't wait to be one. And then in high school, the seniors were so much older and wiser.

I always thought my parents or other various adults were "grown up" and couldn't wait to be their age so I could know everything.

And as each of these respective ages passes me by, I wonder... just what IS "grown up"? It is very elusive, this maturity that I can never seem to grasp. It reminds me of an old saying,

"Wisdom does not always come with age. Sometimes age shows up all by itself."

And vice versa. I've known some very wise children and some really stupid adults.

Posted by: Sondra at November 15, 2004 03:35 PM

I remember my third grade teacher Mrs Unrod was 23 and I thought she was so old until my uncle brought her to our house as a dinner date. I WAS CRUSHED!!!!

Poof the love of my life was stolen by my uncle.

She spilled her water too.

Signed: Can't let go.

Posted by: b at November 15, 2004 04:13 PM

Well just be glad he doesn't have a gay as all blazes brother named Gunnar that he has had sex with! Now that's sick!

Posted by: Yvette Nelson at November 15, 2004 06:18 PM

I live in Seattle and receive the NY Times online and usually dont read it at all. Today I stumbled on your article. I loved it! Enough to let you know I loved it!

Posted by: debby at November 15, 2004 07:19 PM

found your site from an email i got. nice. :)

Posted by: Giselle at November 16, 2004 12:32 AM

I remember thinking 25 was OLD...then I turned 25 and thought, DAMN 30 is old. I'm 31 now. And damn, I'm OLD.

I love you blog, it was forward to me by a friend! check out mine if you ever get a chance...it's a newborn...only 2 months old.

Posted by: citygurl at November 16, 2004 03:55 PM