From time to time, my coworker Gracie will bring me pictures of her male friends to review. I usually look at the photo, ask the appropriate questions (How old is he? What doe she do? He’s not always that drunk, right?), shrug and say, “I’m sure he’s very nice.”
“You gotta get me a picture to send him,” she says.
“Okay, I’ll get to it in a minute.”
And I never do.
It’s not that they aren’t perfectly nice-looking guys; the whole process just seems so very… inorganic. Like catalog shopping for prospective dates. You can’t tell anything from a photograph -- not the tone of his voice, or how he smells, or if he uses the proper forms of critical homophones. All of which I prefer to know before I agree to an evening of dinner or drinks and awkward pauses. I mean, if he smells good, that in and of itself can make up for two or three lulls in the conversation. But if all I know is that he’s sorta tall, has nice teeth and nice forearms, what good does that do me? There’s no such thing as chemistry insurance for blind dates. You don’t get a payout for the time you could have been spending eating Kraft Mac n’ Cheese and watching Everybody Yells at Raymond reruns with your neighbor, who you already know is good company.
To quote my Irish alcoholic ex-boyfriend, “I just can’t be arsed.”
Yet another fine example of the need for dating insurance.
You have just put into words the thought I had about 5 minutes ago. Why does the world at large feel that I need to be set up?
Posted by: The Lobster at November 23, 2004 12:22 PMAmen my sisters! Why is it those in a couple feel the need to set up those who aren't? Sure, it's nice to cuddle and get that human touch every now and then but jeez, why does everyone in the world need to be coupled up?
Here's to Mac n' Cheese with your neighbors and nice quiet evenings alone with a bottle of wine and a good girl movie.
Posted by: Agategoddess at November 23, 2004 01:33 PM"Ah jes' can't be arsed" has got to be the best phrase.
(sorry if bad memories are invoked).
It's something you'll find in just about every Roddy Doyle novel--except he brings it out at the PERFECT time.
Posted by: Robotnik at November 23, 2004 01:37 PMYou know Progressive is running ads about date insurance, right? They're pretty funny. I especially like it when he head butts the punching bag and yells in triumph. Excellent.
Plus, the girl in it is cute.
Posted by: Michael R at November 23, 2004 01:38 PMeveryone wants the world around them to have "order" as they percive it to be. This means people they care about need to be paired up and happy. THey are also the first ones to say get out he is a creep when things go wrong.
"what the bleep do we know"
GO SEE IT
Hang in there Lobster gal. Theres plenty more crustaceans in the sea.
Posted by: M at November 23, 2004 03:38 PMEverybody yells at Raymond... a hahahahaha... live it!! And ghetto dinner :)
Posted by: Ari at November 23, 2004 03:54 PMlive it? Grrr... LOVE it :)
Posted by: Ari at November 23, 2004 04:06 PMPeople seem to think they know what's best for others. Couples are the worst, sine they assume everyone wants what they have. Gah. And I suppose we all want to listen to old Madonna records as well!
(I'm kidding...no one really does.)
Promising, then forgetting, to send the picture is a world better than tossing some profanity their way, I guess. Eventually, one hopes they get the hint.
Posted by: Carmi at November 23, 2004 10:16 PMYou think that's tough....try being Indian and having boys suggested to you ALL THE TIME. You usually don't even get the promise of nice forearms...and don't even hope for the critical homophones.
Posted by: j at November 23, 2004 10:35 PMDoes he have a pinkish hue? I like a pinkish hue.
Posted by: Smitty at November 23, 2004 11:21 PMI agree with "j".
A friend e-mailed me to say that that my profiles are up on a few Indian matrimonial (dating is taboo) websites!
My family is at work, man-hunting on my behalf. I am 26, and it's probably too late already for the arranged marriage market.
I live with it by pretending to be into it.
It makes life generally, and dating in particular a lot easier.
my friends rarely set me up (they claim to not know any decent single guys). So tell your friends, co-workers, parents, etc... to send them all my way.
Posted by: Princes Anonymous at November 24, 2004 10:51 AMWhat, pray tell, is a "critical homophone"?
Posted by: T.H. at November 24, 2004 12:30 PMHey, I don't think all couples what everyone else to be couples. I'm in a great marriage, and it's been about 4 years, and
I find that I am often envious of my single gal pals!
I think of all the fun spontaneous things that they do, and they don't have to check in with anyone. Also, how much fun would I have doing 6-minute dates?? I never got to do that. Sigh...
What she just said. I'm married and I think no one else should be unless they are totally completely ready to be. To that end I leave my single friends well alone about it (and of course live vicariously though them). There are times, weeks, months, years, when I'd love more than anything to be single and get to just drop everything and take a week off and go to Europe or Morocco and meet people and well, I'd skip the food poisoning but still.
Thanks for letting me live vicariously Fish :)
write to me at Postroad@hotmail.com
let's talk and get a male perspective on what seems to be ailing the 50% of the world that is not male...no strings, no odd stuff, no stalking, no nothing but just a guy who like to chat...try it; what have you to lose? and fish lady: I am not abusing, annoying, obnoxious, right? so no banning.
Posted by: freddie at November 24, 2004 03:43 PMUgh. The fix up. I went on one blind date in my life, and it left me wondering what the person who fixed us up must hate about me to have done it. On the other hand, I have been the fixer-upper for exactly one couple, and it was only because I knew, in my heart-o-hearts, that they belonged together. They're planning a wedding. Too many people go the "he's single and nice, she's single and nice, let's introduce them" route. There's got to be something more to it than that.
Posted by: jennifer at November 29, 2004 11:53 AMshe said, he said... If all my female friends lament that all the decent men are taken, why does the same blind date short change happen to me too?
and following your thought for a moment, yesterday, this woman walked by wearing some issey miyaki perfume, how far can i follow the scent before it's considered stalking?