I launched my first successful marketing campaign in the summer of 1992. I was thirteen years old.
Mindy Coleman’s dog had puppies, and I wanted one desperately. Unfortunately, no canine had lasted more than a year in our home. They chewed irreplaceable books, peed, barked, bit. And having been put through the rigmarole of three dog disasters, my parents had decreed No More Dogs.
I was certain my dog would be different. You had only to see this pink-bellied, squeaky, cotton ball of a puppy and be overcome with the desire to scoop her up, take her home and sleep with her on your pillow. (You’d probably also want to tether her to the end of a red, patent leather leash and parade her around, but you’d have get over that. She really hates the leash and will probably just sit on the sidewalk and yelp.)
I was determined to overcome. For every “no, you can’t” I heard from my parents, there grew in me a stubborn seed of “oh, yes I sure can.” It was from this seed that the Puppies R Nice campaign sprang to life and assaulted my parents with such puppy-loving ferocity that I am surprised we didn’t bring home the whole litter.
I did the dishes without being asked. I cleaned patio furniture. I dusted (god, do I hate to dust). And at the scene of every good deed, I left a note featuring my slogan: Puppies R Nice. There were inserts in the National Geographic, “puppies r nice” whispered in the ears of parents when we kissed good night. I was relentless. Just inside of two weeks, my mother presented me with a contract, outlining my responsibilities as a pet owner, and a fluffy white puppy came home to sleep on my pillow. (You probably already guessed how the leash thing worked out. We only tried that once.)
Last night, my mother called to tell me that my puppy, now an aging arthritic dog, is dying. She cried when she told me the vet recommended ‘putting her down.’ As is my way with my mother, I pragmatically explained that this was the kindest thing to do for a sick, blind pet.
“Poor thing,” I said.
“Who? Me or the dog?”
“Both.”
I hung up and cried.
They're at the vet right now. I’m doing everything I can not to picture the scene. And I’m trying to maintain that magnanimous feeling we had on the phone last night -- that killing my dog is the kind thing to do. But mostly, I’m feeling really, really sorry.
She was my first campaign and subsequently, my first breach of contract (I didn’t exactly keep up my end of the bargain). And she was also the first thing that I loved so much it hurt.
Oh Heather! I'm so, so sorry. I always tell my husband that I love my pup Karma so much it makes my heart skip just to see her doing the wiggle dance when I come home, and that if anything ever happened to her... Dogs are the greatest. I'm so sad for you and hope that you find peace in the fact that we have a choice to help our friends in that way.
Posted by: Amanda at February 1, 2005 12:16 PMthat is very sad. when I visited my mom at Christmas I could see that future for our aging lab who is so sweet it makes me get teary just thinking about her.
my thoughts are with you. go home and give sir hal a big snuggle.
I empathize. My poor puppy of 13 years had to be put down last May. My only consolation, that I had my son a week later. Not something to do to a pregnant woman though - nor any woman at all.
Posted by: Nat at February 1, 2005 12:23 PMI'm very sorry. I cannot imagine having to make that decision. It is for the best, but unfortunately that doesn't mean it's easy.
*Hugs*
When I was 12 I convinced my mother that I needed my "puppy love". I swore that I would do everything to take care of it. It turned out to be her "puppy love", for she is the one who took care of it. Just this past November, we had to put him to sleep and it broke all of our hearts. "Puppy love" was a big boxer who is greatly missed by all of our family. Although we have a new boxer, our "puppy love" has never been replaced.....
I'm sorry for your loss. I found the best way to comfort myself when I went through this, was to remember that they are no longer suffering.
awe, poor Fish. seeing an aging pet is as sad (if not sadder) than seeing an aging parent. it IS the kindest, best thing to do for the animal - but GOODNESS it is so hard. rest in knowing your nice puppy will soon be in dog heaven, running and jumping again - pain free!
Posted by: red at February 1, 2005 12:44 PMMy dog had such a distrust of men that she'll get to dog heaven and bite God. It's gonna be touch and go there, I think.
Posted by: Fish at February 1, 2005 12:51 PMSorry, fish. My parents went through this last week, too. Losing a dog is miserable. Seeing them suffer is miserable. All of it's just miserable.
Posted by: brandon at February 1, 2005 12:55 PMI'm so sorry for your loss. Bless your dog for living as long as she did, for being loved as much as she was, and for bringing tremendous joy to those around her.
Posted by: essny at February 1, 2005 12:56 PMWe recently put a dog down too. Although sad due to the event, we were happy that he was no longer suffering. It's not easy, but it's the love of our new doggie that helped us get through it.
And as for doggie heaven... let's hope God knows how to treat a dog bite...
Posted by: Matt at February 1, 2005 12:58 PMI'm sorry, Fish.
Posted by: mingaling at February 1, 2005 01:03 PMI'm sorry, Fish. We had to put our 16-year-old kittycat to sleep in August when his kidneys failed, and we both cried like we'd lost a child.
But as a friend of mine says, love is never wasted.
Posted by: Lex at February 1, 2005 01:19 PMMuch sympathy on the loss of your pup. My family has always had dogs and it never gets easy. In fact, I think the older I get the harder it gets.
Teddy, Travis and now Wojo are the only males I've ever known who've never let me down and loved me unconditionally.
*hugs* and Kleenexes passed over the memories.
Posted by: Agategoddess at February 1, 2005 01:24 PMawww fish i'm so sorry...i've never had a pet so i guess i don't really know the hurt that you're going through right now but regardless, my greatest sympathy goes out to you...i'm sorry for your loss
Posted by: ak at February 1, 2005 01:27 PMFish, you made me cry! I can barely see the computer screen through my tears. I'm sooo sorry! I went through it three years ago with a dog I'd had for 18 years... got him when I was two years old. I'll be thinking of you!
Posted by: Amber at February 1, 2005 01:35 PMHeather, I'm really sorry. I know how much it hurts to lose a lifelong pet, and even worse, to not be there when it happens. I think you are right, that it is the kind thing to do. Though that doesn't make it less painful. :-(
Posted by: Bond Girl at February 1, 2005 01:51 PMOh, Fish, that made my hurt. It's supposed to, I suppose. That's what love is.
Offering my condolences; lean on those good memories on a sad day like today.
Posted by: A at February 1, 2005 01:53 PMbut what if God is a woman? :)
Posted by: red at February 1, 2005 01:54 PMThat would sure explain a few things, Red. Like, mood swings.
Posted by: Fish at February 1, 2005 01:55 PMWhat you said on the phone was right. Sad and unfortunate, but right.
My condolences.
Posted by: MW at February 1, 2005 01:56 PMI put my cat down last year--her kidneys were failing miserably and she was in great pain. It was as humane as I could possibly think. The vet even made a house call so the cat wouldn't be terrorized--she hated being taken to the vet/hospital. It was one of the most miserable days in my life--and I've had plenty, but this one was up there topping all the other shite. It was as kind as it could be--the procedure. She first got a shot to NOT feel the tranqulizer. Then came the tranquilizer, which took a bit for its effect. Then the shot in the vein, in the paw.
It was horrible. I watched her melt away, the life went out of her eyes. It's as if the lights were slowly dimmed.
I buried her in my backyard. It's not macabre. It's just natural. I had dug the hole beforehand, in tears and convulsing almost.
After I buried her, the beautiful, S.Florida sky turned almost black, and one of the strongest summer storms I've ever seen in my life came down upon us. It rained like that for 12 hours. It was a horrible day.
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Robotnik at February 1, 2005 02:02 PMFish,
It's very sad to see a dog go - i had to do this to my child hood dog several years ago - My dad took her to the vet. He held her while she went because he knew it would mean a lot to me. I asked him how he was doing and he began crying and said, "It was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do" I am crying just thinking about it.
So sorry. How lucky she was to have you to love her and to make sure her life was a good one. How lucky she is to have your mom with her now and that the people who love and care for her are making the best decision for her. So that she doesn't suffer.
It's still so hard to say goodbye, even when you know it's time.
i actually had an in depth discussion with a friend of mine on the gender of God just the other day. with Polytheists, genders are typically known or implied... but if one believes in just one supreme being, it's hard to tell if that being is male or female. yadda yadda.. i'll spare the details, but it made more sense to both of us at the time that God was in fact, a woman.
maybe that was just the wine talking.... :)
Posted by: red at February 1, 2005 02:19 PM*Sending you a big hug right now*
I had to put my dog to sleep 2 days before Christmas last year. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do, but it was the best thing for her because it was time. I got another one, a 5-month old puppy this time, who is now a year and 5 months, and he has been the best thing in the world!! Lex is right, though: the love you give a pet is never wasted!!
This is a little on the drippy side, but if it helps, check it out: http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm
I'm sorry for you pain and that you have to feel this deep of hurt. Dogs are the best!
Posted by: Kathy at February 1, 2005 02:46 PMWow- I had the same conversation with my mom last year when we put my deaf and blind childhood pup to sleep. I, however, was the one balling the hardest. I'm so sorry that you and your mom have to lose someone so special, but you did the right thing. The time always comes.
Posted by: amyybeth@somewhatamiable.com at February 1, 2005 03:07 PMSo sorry. That is a really hard, hard thing to go through. Thinking of you.
Posted by: Robin Alexa at February 1, 2005 03:14 PMWhat really drives my tears and heart into my throat when a family dog is suffering:
they still wag their tails when they see you, even if only slightly.
{sigh}
that just breaks my heart
Posted by: chex at February 1, 2005 03:20 PMMy sisters and I had to take our old little dachshund, Pee Wee, to the vet last year. We'd had him since I was 15. It was horrible, but he needed to be in peace. We didn't realize how fast it would happen. Before the vet finished the shot, he was gone. I carry one of his old tags on my keychain.
It's the kindest thing, but you know how much you love your dog, because it hurts so bad.
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Lady Crumpet at February 1, 2005 03:24 PMI'm sorry.
Posted by: Dan at February 1, 2005 03:24 PMI remember the first dog my father had put down (I was 16) - he didn't tell anyone just took him to the vet. Then left the tags on the counter - he was hooking up the new VCR when I got home and found the tags. Fritz (the dog) had been very sick but I wish he had warned us.
Last year seven months after my father passed away I had to put down the second family dog (Molly). She had diabetes and the shots were very hard on her and those of us that had to give them to her twice a day. I stayed with her as they put her down - I just kept telling her to run to dad that he was waiting for her on the other side. It's comforting to think that they are all together now.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted by: k at February 1, 2005 03:26 PMAs an animal lover and pet owner, it is always difficult to see a pet suffer or pass on. I have always found this poem "A Dog's Prayer" moving. Maybe it will bring you some comfort during this sad time. http://www.pupcentral.com/adogs.htm
Posted by: Kat at February 1, 2005 03:45 PMheather, i'm so sorry.
Posted by: julia at February 1, 2005 04:24 PMI'm so sorry about your dog. I know how much it hurts to lose a dear pet, they really become your family member after a very short while. Just know we're thinking about you.
Posted by: Jamie at February 1, 2005 04:42 PMI'm so sorry.
Posted by: Molly at February 1, 2005 04:43 PMSo sorry to hear about your dog. Been through that a few times and it's always harder on you than it sounds when you try to explain it to someone else.
But the years of joy that pets bring us and (hopefully) recieve from us always outweigh the period of pain when we have to say goodbye.
Best of wishes to you.
PS: Thanx for the link - you're the best!
Posted by: Amy at February 1, 2005 04:53 PMI am so sorry.
Posted by: Cindy at February 1, 2005 04:58 PMOh sweetheart
I am so sorry. A big hug to you.
i never comment on stranger's blogs, but i've been through this twice too. hope your sadness is cut in half by knowing that. :)
Posted by: anny at February 1, 2005 06:35 PMMy 14 year old dog, though still active and happy, has cancer. I found out 5 months ago. I will soon be going through what you're handling now. Thank you for sharing what must have been a hard thing for you to write. I have taken comfort from it, and from your readers comments. There are no words to comfort you, but may all the love you gave to your puppy come back to you a thousand-fold. You are a better person for having loved her, and been loved by her.
Posted by: Shanteuse at February 1, 2005 10:59 PMI'm going through the exact same thing right now, with my Mom and my old dog that lives at her house too. The vet hasn't said the "words" yet, but I know they are coming any day.
Give yourself time to mourn. They matter just as much as any other relationship you've had.
*hugs*
Posted by: Jen at February 2, 2005 12:23 AMI am so sorry. I know it's hard to lose a pet. I lost my dog that helped me through some terrible times a few years ago. I went through the emotions. It's hard at first but it gets better. I promise.
Posted by: karoni at February 2, 2005 01:27 AMI am so sorry...i know how much pain that losing a beloved pet can cause...thinking of you...
Posted by: Katya Coldheart at February 2, 2005 08:13 AMI'm really sorry to hear about your dog. My dad's dog (was my brother's but you know what happened next :) ) is getting on in age as well, and I'm just preparing myself for that day as well.
I'm sure he had a good life.
Posted by: Kate at February 2, 2005 09:15 AMHey Fish,
My first dog was bought when I was 18 months old and she died when she was 18 years old. It was like losing a sister, albeit one that would bite my feet at any opportunity. It is very hard losing a dog but if they are suffering it can only be for the best. Chin up,
Bobina *hug*
Fish:
So sorry to hear about your Dog. Losing a pet who has grown up with you for years IS losing a Family Member. Sadly, I've been there, done that myself...
I acquired a puppy when a neighbor suddenly developed world class allergies and wanted to send a tiny beagle to the Pound after about 8 hours in his home. He moved in with us and we became inseperable. He had the capacity to actually watch you when you spoke and occasionally nod in agreement with a look of complete understanding. (Are dogs supposed to do that?)
When he got very ill, our Vet suggested "putting him to sleep." It was the humane thing to do, but unbearably painful. The final night I can still remember petting him and talking to him till I started to choke up. He tuned around to face me, looked me in the eye for a long time, licked my hand once, then nodded. It was a gentle way of saying Goodbye. I knew that he knew and he was trying to say it was OK. I nodded back and then he walked out of the room to curl up by himself in a favorite corner of the kitchen. We had said our Good-Byes.
So what's the point?
Maybe there is a time to say Good-Bye and to know It Is OK . A pet's love and loyalty is unconditional. They would never want to see you Sad or Upset for even a moment. And deep down, I know you'd never want them to suffer either. Hollow words when It still hurts like hell. But true words nonetheless. I can picture my own Dog looking up at you, nodding in agreement and giving you a single sympathetic lick on your fingertips.
Posted by: WestSideB at February 2, 2005 11:52 AMMy cat had leukemia. I petted her fur as they gave her the shot, to take away the pain. She went to sleep, she went to and I believe this--Heaven.
Living life in pain, as an animal or human is no way to live.
It's the right thing to do. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I dread the day I get that phone call regarding my childhood puppy. You've got me crying at work.
Posted by: Jazzy at February 2, 2005 03:49 PMthat was a beautiful post.
Posted by: tammy at February 3, 2005 10:59 AMI have this terrible urge to counteract the sacchrine before I get diabetes but I'll resist. They mean well anyway.
Good comment on biting God. Sweet.
Posted by: Michael R at February 3, 2005 02:00 PMThere are seldom times when we are as disarmed than when a hairy/furry friend burrows their way to the inner and most unknown depths of our hearts. Sorry for all the folks here who know this feeling of loss.
I left my pet with a fever at our vet and brought her home, MUCH to my surprise, 3 days later in a small wooden casket to bury her at a place she loved in the woods. Not to be too macabre, but I walked in when the weekend technician, a former Vietnam field doctor had unsuccessfully tried to resuscitate her. I will never forget seeing the puppy I loved lying motionless on the steel table, it haunts me as I type these words. BUT, I have a new friend sitting on my lap who is not the same dog but a new and different friend and slowly he's helping me rebuild that little piece of my heart I thought I lost. He wasn't the first puppy I saw in the window (NEVER buy from a pet store FWIW), but the first one I fell in love with at first sight again.
Just as my elder and seldom wise cousin once said: When you lose a pet or a girlfriend there is no better prescription than to go out and get a new one.
Harbor the great times, relieve yourself of the bad, and keep smiling, IT DOES GET BETTER.
Posted by: Denis at February 4, 2005 06:51 PMI remember the call. I was completely shattered. My mom told me after the procedure that he liked the hand of the doctor who did it and that made me cry rivers. I haven't gotton another dog since, none of them can live up to the standards my first and only set.
I am sorry for your loss, and I promise it does get "better" after a while.
Posted by: Jennifer at February 4, 2005 08:47 PM