This Fish Needs A Bicycle

My question is: If someone doesn't like what they read on a blog , then why don't they just click on the X and go somewhere else? No one is forcing them to read it. You can't please everyone Fish. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Way to go Fish!!!

Fish- Check it out, I seem to caught the anonymous bastard commentor bug! How pathetic an existence- to spend precious life energies frequenting websites (that in his opinion- suck) shitting out random snooty criticisms to anyone who has the balls to put themselves out there.

What is the POINT of that?

I don't get it. But I DO know that despite people like this, it's important to remain vulnerable- to live a transparent life. ..

Ummm... Your rebuttal rocks my socks off. I agree with not emotionally exploiting yourself, it seems to have made you a better writer because you make stuff like sneakers as interesting as the topic can be. Anon can just go SUCK IT!

Yeahp - I love it, well done. I reiterate: you are now my official Detractor Destroyer.

Kisses.

Way to go!

I was thinking of a way to put this guy in his place- for similar ANON comment just left on my blog, but your answer is just so well thought out and articulate that you said just what I was thinking.

http://mskoolaid.blogspot.com

I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed your response... without fail, you always seem to say the things I'm thinking. Of course, you manage to say it in a way that's poetic and precise and compelling, while I'm not usually smart enough, or quick witted enough to formulate my thoughts into a coherent retort. Mine would have gone something like "Hey Anon... you're ugly and you smell bad" Which could be true, too...you never do know.

Don't you think to say that you "hate that they even exist" is a bit much? Annon probably isn't evil, just stupid. If you don't want random stupid people reading your blog, keep it private. You're a fine writer, and he's an idiot. Don't let it bug you.

Nope. I really do hate that self-appointed, demanding blog critics do exist. It's no exaggeration.

Ha! Well, alrighty then.
I didn't mean to imply he had any right to criticize you; he doesn't, and he's an idiot. You don't own anyone anything. I just hate to see you get riled by someone who's just not worth it.

Fish - You ROCK! I just found your blog yesterday and I'm already hooked. Don't let anon get you down.

I agree with you Fish. You have every right to be the gateway to the information on your own life when it comes to this blog.

Unfortunately, with a bit of fame comes some of its downside. Your blog seems wildly popular and hits a chord with many readers on various levels. For me, it usually comes in the form of those highly insightful and painful realizations that you, like the rest of us, happen across every once in a while. You just happen to articulate those emotional insights better than most .

And unlike Anon I'm equally pleased to see you, at the least, appear happy and frivolous at times. It means there is hope for the rest of us, whose lives have been touched by a mixture of painful family experience and a struggle with self discovery.

I'm not saying those two things are what your blog is about or who you are, but that is what I, as a reader, project on what I read at times.

I say to Anon, to each his own. He has the right to his pigheaded opinion and as long as there is an open comment box those like him will continue to voice their opinion. And maybe Anon really does care on some level, or thinks he does.

He may hold on to the the illusion that he knows the real you through your short entries. He does not realize that a public blog is a creation, one facet of a person's identity that they selectively choose to create and readers choose to connect to for whatever reason.

Basically I'm rambling here, attempting to sound wise when I am not, so I'll stop shortly. In the end I hope you don't give those diluted detractors, those misguided fools who actually think they are helping somone they think they know by posting searing critiques.

In my other life, the one outside of my botched blog, the one where I actually write things people read I get critiqued all the time. Those comments that have validity I analyze, take in and use. Those that are simply misguided or moronic I dismiss. Simple as that. For me anyway, its about learning to gracefully handle the cost of putting me, or a part of me, out there for the public to see.

And hey, at least the misguided Anon is reading and you have the power to make him dance like an idiot before you, right?

I've found that "Anons" are generally "Anons" because they are afraid to stand by their own words. I know you already know that. And I know: advice-free zone. (I'm payin' attention.) I'm just sayin'.

Fish -

You made me very grateful that nobody reads my blog! But seriously, the next person that pisses me off, can I just send them to you?

I'm happy that you're happy. I'd much rather read about people being happy than miserable.

Go fish go!

*applause* Fish.

And THAT is why I bought a t-shirt!

you rock!

I just discovered your blog so I know not of what Anon is referring to. I do know that I enjoy your writing and look forward to my daily visit. Keep on Keeping on and ignore the likes of that person. Your response, by the way, was right on the mark.

I’m not raw and tragic anymore because my life is not tragic anymore. I find it genuinely disturbing that there are people out there who actually want other people to be unhappy… so that they can be mesmerized. That’s sadistic and troubling.

I cannot agree enough with you on that point, Fish. Strangers come and read your heartbreak and offer nothing but "chin-ups" and "it'll be okays" - only to slam you when things finally do get around to being okay? Go figure.

You go girl! May we all be able to respond to our critics with the same amount of intellect, fierceness, passion, and eloquence.

I'm speechless. First by Anon's ludicrous audacity, and then by your fucking fabulous and amazingly composed response. And if they dislike your blog so much and what you have to say, than why for God's sake are they reading it?! That's THEIR problem, not yours! Keep on keeping, Fish. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're my muse - and my total inspiration. And if I didn't have your blog to read everyday, my world would be a much sadder, more dismal place. You rock!

I remember back in the beginning yes, it was a gripping read, it was also evident you were hurting, a bit, to say the least. I was hoping that you could get to a point where you could just be fine with writing about running shoes, and didn't need to throw your emotional spagetti on the wall ala Felix Unger. For whatever "Thisfish" is, was, is no longer, or will become, it's been nice to hear about what you've been up to. Thank you for sharing. As I guy, it's been insightful to me, I learned a lot.

**CONTENT REMOVED BY FISH**

No more anonymous comments. None. I've reach my limit with you cowards.

get rid of the comments all together; when you're reading a book, you don't get to talk back to it.

your writing stands on its own, fish. who gives a shit what anybody thinks?

"You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there’s always someone who wants to destroy it." (Finding Neverland)...good for you...let your lighthearted entries continue!

Yay you!
Get bent. Heh.
I don't have comments, nor can anyone e-mail me for this reason. I write to write. I love what you write and that you write it so well. At the end of the day it's why I read you - you write well. Oh, and you're honest - can't wait to get my t-shirt.

Look, I agree with all those who have said that people who don't like what they read here should go elsewhere, but at the same time this is a public blog and it should be obvious to everyone (including you, Fish) that when you put your words out there for anyone to read there are always going to be people who disagree or don't like what you have to say or just plain think you suck. Everyone has a right to their opinion.

And frankly, if you aspire to any sort of career as a writer you better get used to it. Don't be naive, the public at large will never universally embrace you. What a boring world this would be if everyone had the same opinions and points of view and their was no conflict or debate. Seriously.

That was hott!

It's been a long time since I posted a comment, but I've remained an avid reader of your blog - daily, no doubt.

Fish, you rock. And Julia was right on when she said that the anonymous posting made her glad no one reads her blog. Me too. You've got all these people in your corner who are interested in your life and who support you...but with that you've lost your own anonymity. That takes guts - whether your talking about personal stuff or running shoes. We're all riveted - because you're real. You change. You're not stagnate. Duh.

Anon is an idiot for expecting less - and stupid for thinking they've got any right to expect anything from you at all.

For all those interested - that would be a smackdown.

A well deserved one at that...

R

I was SO wondering how you'd handle "anon" from yesterday. I'd say you wrapped that box and put a nice big, pink bow on it dincha? Great job, and fine class.

Oh my God. I love you.

Your fawning fan always.

Critic person, get a room and go make babies with your empty life. You're a miserable fuckwad person.

rock on, sister. you are my hero for the day. :)

You go girl!

Brava! Your blog, your rules. "No anonymous trolling" seems a perfectly appropriate rule.

You go girl.

You are the BOMB, Fish! Excellent, excellent retort. And remember: “When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces (and ANONS) are all in a confederacy against him.”
- Jonathan Swift

let me tell you - blogs are tricky things. you gotta watch out. there are people out in cyberspace who don't have much to do with their lives except make yours as miserable as theirs. but it's a lot like being an artist. if you put it out there, you're gonna inspire some envy from others who don't possess your gifts or have the guts to put their gifts on public display. if they don't like what they're reading, they have a right to go elsewhere. glad to hear your tragedy has subsided.

The poster was not insulting you. Rather, he or she was being highly complimentary. He was telling you that he missed the rawness that s/he found so exhilirating and artistic; and feels frustrated by the artifice.

However, I do agree that he is not going about the right way in trying to inspire you to use your voice.

You have the ability and the art to crystallise your perceptions and experiences into the fragmented mirror of words.

Use it.

Good lord. Come ON, people. Fish is a good writer, but by posting on her blog she is allowing- no, INVITING, anyone who wants to to read her prose and comment on it. Fish can post what she wants, ANON can respond as he/she likes, and Fish can retort as she did. What makes me JUST a little queasy is you ridiculous adoring commenters. Ok, you enjoy reading Fish's blog. I enjoy reading it too, even if I criticize her and don't like everything she says. But she is not a goddess, and ANON is not a "dunce" or an idiot, or imbued with "ludicrous audacity." She/he was criticizing, not particularly well and somewhat callously, I agree, but neither that criticism nor Fish's response merit the unadulterated adulation I see daily on this comment page.

I thought the running shoe story was great and I often find solace in your words. I think it's a real talent to be able to write about daily life in an interesting and thoughtful and witty way. And if you enjoy it, then more power to you! My best friend caugh the nasty anonymous responder buy too. Turned out to be her roomate's friend. Some people need better things to do than worry about the lives of others.

I'm a newcomer to your blog. I discovered it approximately a month ago, and I have already read through the entire archives and am now up to date. I completely agree with you on your comment about the "raw and tragic" bit. I remember thinking how entertaining your earlier entries were, but they were mainly entertaining because I had had the exact same feelings several times. I also remember wishing that there wasn't someone else out there who had to go through the same crap that I had to go through. I was glad that I had someone to commiserate with, but at the same time, I was hoping that you would no longer need to commiserate (just as I was hoping the same for myself...that I would no longer need to commiserate). So I say, bask in the beauty of your happiness, and continue to tell anyone who can't accept it to kiss your arse.

anyone have an easy way to remove the Comment function from a blog WITHOUT having to fuck w/ HTML?

send it my way..
Koolaid

**CONTENT REMOVED BY FISH**

No more anonymous comments. None. I've reach my limit with you cowards.

Go Go Go! I hate when people can write obnoxious comments and can't even put a real e-mail address. Very COWARDLY!

Way to go...fuck him. You don't need critics telling you how to live your life or what to write about. Live it on your own. I'm glad you blasted his anonymous ass.

Well said.

Noisette these people you speak of are call fans and/or friends and if you know anything about fans/friends it's that they are very protective of the one they admire or love. Let them freely express themselves how they see fit.

Ok, good point. Of course, how I could ever stop them from freely expressing themselves is beyond me. I'm also not sure Fish needs so much defending, when she seems capable of it on her own (and SOME criticism, granted maybe less antagonistic than ANON's comment, can only do a writer good, right?).

Val - sweetie, you are COMPLETELY missing the point of this entire exchange.

1. Fish is ALREADY a writer - she doesn't "aspire to be a writer". But thanks for your profound knowledge on the subject. She knows how to take criticism. What she will not put up with is a hate-filled spewing of stupidity. That was not an opinion - that was an attack. There's a difference. Learn it. And do it quickly.

2. People come visit this site by CHOICE - meaning if they no longer like the discussion, they can CHOOSE to leave it. The hurtful comments are unnecessary. There's just no purpose behind it. He didn't pay a fee to read it and by CHOOSING to not return to her site, he loses nothing. It's a world of free will...and just as he now CHOOSES not to return to read Fish, she CHOOSES not to take this rude person's shit.

3. Fish, you were NOT off-base by saying that you hate that he exists. Thank you for saying that on behalf of everyone that writes and receives these crazy e-mails from these sick people. I hate that he exists just as much as you do. I say if you can't learn to be a decent member of society, then please step in front of a bus and remove yourself from the gene pool.

Hi Fish...Comment Whore here.
I had an Anon leave this message for me: "Why don't you stop wasting your time and start writing something interesting?"

So I wrote back: "Ok, Anon: 'something interesting.'"

That pretty much diffused the situation.

Look, I totally see the anger but...the reality is that people thrive on spewing their bile. Writers and Artists risk a lot by putting their shit "out there." We have fragile egos, fragile minds...some of us go in and out of mental institutions; it's a tough business creating and then hoping to please and to sell. It's the nature of the biz. Steinbeck got over 150 rejections. I have a SUITCASE full of them. I treasure them. I look at them as if they were scars. The Battle is long and hard and we have to be able to take body punches, jabs to the head, right hooks, uppercuts. But, (and God, please don't think I sound patronizing, and please do not take this in a bitter way), as we get older we start to understand that this is how life is in general, and we start feeling the absolute Killer, the Kryptonite to our critics: INDIFFERENCE.

Fish, whether people like you or hate you, you are writing. Let me say this again: YOU ARE WRITING. That's it. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. There will always be tons who will think you're the greatest since Wonder Bread, and tons who will think you suck. Indifference to the ones throwing sticks and stones is really what kills them--and makes you stronger and less angry.

The Anons who slam my writing have every right to do so--my blog is out there to be judged. But they also have every right to piss off and move on. Sometimes they come back because, well...because they have nothing better to do. But the one thing I can always count on: these Anons, I will bet you my life/house/family/bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin , don't have the bollocks to put their shit out there for others to read.

Sincerely,
Your Blog Comment Whore

It's like a playground bully that seems to only pick on cute girls with blogs, more particularly blogs with comments. He's obviously an arrogant penis who doesn't deserve a second thought, but still it doesn't make my day any better to wake up to a comment such as this. We need more kindness in the world to make up for such people.

Anon Posted on mine:

OK, what gives? The week I find your site you stop writing? I know I've turned plenty of women off quickly in my life but you don't even know me - my anti-charms don't work that fast.

Start spewing more femi-nazi crap or I'll be forced to return to reading the BBC's liberal blathering again. And you need the patronage.

And once you get to know me, then you can degrade then ignore me - it's how it should be.

Geez...whenever I have a problem with a bully I'll be sure to call the fish.

I've been reading your blog for months now and am enjoying it just fine, along with a couple of hundred others. There are plenty of blogs out there to read, of all types. There's no reason, IMO, to leave negative comments. If you don't like something, move on.

See, I'm new to this...I though Anon was just a PO'd Lithuanian, Like a psycho Balky, or whatever

I've been a regular reader of yours since I started my blog. ( a couple of months ago ) Once I figure out how to put links on it, you will be in my favorites.

It never ceases to amaze me that the trolls just seem to keep coming out of the woodwork.

To the "Troll":

Hey, if you don't like the posts, the content,or the writing style, just move on already?! Who appointed you or anyone else to become a critic of someone elses personal journal?

Like the Lady said, its neither desired, nor required.. Take the hint..

Just keep on doing what you're doing Fish.. Don't sweat the morons..

G-Man

New Balance.

what gives with anom posters...they're pussies hiding behind their own self-hatred. They need to criticize everyone else so they forget about their own shitty lives. I just posted about all this on my blog because I, like many others here, have had the anom poster that is nasty and cruel.

You rock.

I find it ironic that your response to Anon was exactly the type of hefty prose that he/she feels you had abandoned.
I stop by "Fish" daily, and find that some days are better than others.
A lot like life.
Keep writing. I'll keep reading.

You're beautiful, you're smart, sexy etc. "Do I need to improve my xyz, or my efg'? "No Hun you're perfect."

I think so many people who frequent well-known blogs are minion kiss asses—who just go with the flow. You Heather were not made strong by people codling you in your life, but by swimming against the flow and learning your much more powerful than you ever believed. What didn't kill you made you stronger—you know this don't you. Take the good with the bad; use the negative to make it positive. I respect those who can think for themselves—I have a suspicion you do as well.

When you write in front of the whole wide world you are going to find those you don't agree with nor like you—this is life. Do you, like everyone on this planet? I have had commentators hate me, oh I think those nut jobs really did hate me, but they didn't take me down and I realized I'm stronger than the hate.

Delete, or ignore but realize that with this blog you've exposed your soul and you're showing your vulnerability by acting out against this "Anonymous Person." You're giving them more fuel then if you would have remained silent. Those who berate this person are no better than he, the hatred is scary. They don't know you from Eve yet they'll conjure up every name in the sailor's book of cursing to defend you—nice but really the animosity is uncalled for.

Make some lemonade out of these lemons. Cliché I know—but it's true.

I know I already put my two cents in yesterday, and I think someone has already pointed this out better, but from an observation standpoint, this blog, like many others, is a forum. It's a place for people to be themselves in a written medium.

Yes, there will always be others who do it better, just as there will always be others who do it worse, but what has kept me reading and revisiting is the sense that this is a virtual gathering place - not a shrine to Fish (or anyone else), filled with "yes" women and men.

It has struck me most like a place to meet and share, offered and maintained by a hostess who is sometimes refreshingly honest, sometimes frivolous, sometimes even a bit shallow, but always welcoming and open - like the best friends I used to have when I was much younger and less concerned with what I was going to be when I grew up.

In that forum, though, courtesy and manners still should be observed, and pulling someone up short for being rude is not only allowed, it's part of the price of admission.

Anyway, it's nice to come in once in a while to listen and talk, and I really am amazed at the camaraderie and support from some who have never physically met each other!!

[And trolls should be tossed out if they can't behave.... ]

I link to you and look what happens.

Not this argument again...Good Lord, when will people just get a grip! I liked the blog three months ago and I STILL READ IT...As in life, EVERYDAY ain't hand-picked from an episode of Sex & the City or Friends...That's what makes you REAL...You're human...You're not a monkey for folk's entertainment...Some people forget that...What in the world?

Be blessed girl and like Jay Z says (if you listen to him, GREAT if not, OH WELLL) brush the dirt off your shoulders on this one!

Moving on...When can I order my cute little fish tee?

Back in my youth, I would've written something like anon did, because I thought people cared or that I was clever or I was simply trying to stir up trouble. Now that I'm older, I just don't give a shit anymore and I'm glad for it. Live and let live. Anon doesn't deserve any more room in the blogosphere.

I read you every day and am disappointed when you don't post. I love sneakers and I hate when people I love die. You do stuff that everyone does, you just write about it better.

you get bent fish girl. you're a writer so get used to criticism and appreciate your "critics". there are a lot of other people out there with estrogen based 20 something stories and you're lucky to have "critics" who would even think twice about your blog.
quite being a spoiled brat and be a big girl...if you're going to write about your life, then write about it, otherwise your smart audience will read others who are less guarded, more nauanced, interesting, and giving.

You've got to love someone who ends a post with "Get bent."

I love it. Absolutely love it. Here's a long distance martini for you Heather, raised in defiance of all those that dare rain on your parade and your oh so wonderful response (no sarcasm here, I mean all of this) of "Get bent."

Bloody brilliant.

Yes... Bravo Fish. Protected souls unite ;-).

That was incredibly well written and thought out. What a jerkhole.

you've voiced a lot of the frustration i've felt at being so cruelly scrutinized from individuals who have a limited perspective. and note i say "cruelly" because there is room for constructive criticism, differences of opinion, or the loudest protest of all: not reading; cruelty is when someone makes blanket judgments about your character, is insulting or demeaning, or who simply has too much time on their hands and fills the free moments with venomous pursuits. and it's no wonder you hold back; i think any of us who've achieved some degree of popularity have had to rethink things from this new standpoint. at first we write, oblivious to audience, then we write, eager for audience, then we write to protect ourselves from the audience. it's all a part of the new blog culture and literature. people are studying this very rhetoric, and we're also creating the rules as we break them. but ultimately, this is heather's space, and she's bold and brave enough to invite us in, with a few house rules, and it doesn't seem much to ask for that we respect her wishes. and sometimes we have a day when running shoes are on our minds. sometimes it's heartbreak. and it's as varied as life itself. and it can't all be brilliant--my god, people, fish is a human being. and, like the rest of us, she grows, changes, evolves, experiments, reveals, withholds... we're just all so very lucky that she let's us have a glimpse. because, at the end of the day, what she does so very well is reflect our own humanity.

cheers to you, dear fish. you know i'm always in your corner!

Your claim that you stopped writing "the old way" because of nasty people like her/him seems strange because I can't recall a single critic among your hundreds of readers way back when your blog was much more revealing of your heart and mind. Maybe you weren't outing them then?

If I recall correctly, the reason you stopped being so open was because people you knew, including your family, were reading thisfish.

It wasn't the "raw and tragic" that captivated...it was the honesty in exceptionally articulated prose. You spoke to everyman. You've nailed craft in many respects - you choose your words with care and thought, but artfully constructed paragraphs aren't enough for some people who've seen what you're capable of.

I miss the old you as well. Not because I'm maudlin and think you should be weeping into buckets every day, but because you have talent and you articulated that talent marvellously before. The shell's still lovely, but its emptier.

I wish you would take the risk, like say Dooce does (and her readership is in the tens of thousands). She outs her critics when she's of a mind to and god knows those morons are out there, but she's not letting them stop her from expressing herself. I admire what she does...I think it takes a lot of guts. Although the critics drive her nuts, I sense she knows she has so much overwhelming support for what she writes that it's a non issue.

Obviously you have a large readership, are popular... many people like what you write. But I can understand why some people - even people who are incredibly doltish in their communication - miss the writer you once felt safe to be.

When it comes to writing your guts out - whether you're happy, sad, giddy or indifferent - I doubt there's safety in any medium. I think it takes a tremendous amount of guts to be a writer on any level below the superficial one.

dont waste your daily post on some freak......i like hearing your "running shoes" stories.

i do admit that i spent time today going through some of your past entries looking for the "early Fish" who "was naked, raw, tragic, familiar and totally mesmerizing."

im still searching.....

I agree with the clear, precise and well-phrased comment from Katherine. I would have said just that. If you can not take criticism in your stride (and the one you blogged about was definetly constructive, at that!), you should close the comments option to your blogs. I am sure your friends/fans can email you their appreciation and applause.

Are you as quick when you're talking to someone in person that is offensive as you are here? I always think of the perfect thing to say an hour after it's over. Writing is where I better express myself, although, not with just eloquence as I've read here. Everyday, I might add.

Amen, Fishie! "Sometimes life is tragic and heartbreaking. Sometimes it’s frivolous and fun and healing. It cycles, and recycles." Take that, you insane drama junkies! I for one am glad you currently feel non-traumatized by life in general. Life isn't supposed to be a curse, but the creation is still a little rough around the edges. We're here to help each through those hard times, and if you can't do that, get your ass off the ride, [insert insulting expletive here].

Thats so ironic that he left that comment on THAT post, I remember thinking "this woman is a fucking goddess...she got 68 (not including anon) comments on what type of running shoes she should buy." Your light hearted posts are a complete oasis for me, if I wanted to read about sadness and grief because it was more poetic...I would watch the damn news. You're wonderful...there is no doubt about it. Those who dont agree are simply jealous. And Fish..'jealousy is flattery'. You should write about something completely ridiculously pointless next ...I dont know ..like how many people actually like banana runts?! You're brilliant.

Smita,

When "vapid" and "boring" become constructive terms, I'll concede your point.

i would've said you're writing is indicative of the slow, steady ache of masses of people who club-footedly struggle to find meaning in daily events interspersed between making credit card payments and thinking of smarmy ways to articulate needless social judgments against those they write about...oh wait...that is "vapid" and "boring".
i'm going to go read da ali g's 2004 commencement speech to harvard instead.
now THAT'S neither "boring" or "vapid".

Wonderful...asbsolutely wonderful. What an ass that douche made of him/herself. Way to go, Fish.

bravo fish

Ack! Fish! You took the bait! Clearly, whoever wrote this (Why does everyone assume it was a guy?? Women are far more petty towards other women than men are!) was just goading you and it's evident that YOU are bent about it and chomped right on down on the worm on Anon's hook.

I agree that the words "vapid" and "boring" are far from being constructive terms, but I think what Katherine said was true about missing the old you, and not out of any maudlin sense of wishing you ill-will. I think that might have been what Anon was trying to say.

It's understandable that you changed your format a bit due to a high volume in readership and the personal friendships you have with lots of people who read you. You're not in a position to be an emotional 7-11 anymore. And, as is made explicitly clear on your home page, this is YOUR site; you do own it and can write about whatever the heck you want and don't have to answer to anyone about it. Which is cool. But Smita is right: who are we if we cannot take criticism, bad or good, in stride? I would be wary of anyone I know who agrees with me all the time and never has a doubt about things I say or do.

It's evident that Anon touched a chord in you and interestingly enough, he/she managed to provoke from you perhaps some of the rawness and familiarity that he/she once really loved about you.

Indeed.