Glancing up from where I was reading table graffiti, my eyes flicked over the guy standing to my left. I took in his ratty Chuck Taylors and kilt, grinned and thought, this is going to be a good night.
I settled in with some new friends as half a dozen or so readers took the stage at Freddy’s last night to share entries from their junior high diaries. Among them, the incomparable Sarah Brown, whose “Thank GOD I curled my hair” sent me rocketing back to the Colin Creek Mall food court and my own hasty prayers for good hair as we did horribly conspicuous fly-bys of the desired Boy. Blaise only validated my phobia of being a parent when she interrupted her reading to say, “My poor father.” Poor father, indeed. She, at least from the impression her yesteryear’s diary left, was a handful.
The cringe-factor was high -- as it was meant to be. Some of it was painfully familiar, while other readings left me shocked that twelve-year-olds can be so serious and dark. I’m pretty sure that at twelve, I was still playing dress-up in homemade Mermaid costumes with my little sisters. And at fifteen, I was not making out with cab drivers -- the idea would never have even occurred to me. I bet if I were to yank my old diaries out of their dusty hideout in McKinney, Texas, the standard entry for 1993 would hold nothing more than scotch-taped movie stubs and tickets to football games and articles from the school paper.
I was so boring.
In college, I used to watch re-runs of My So Called Life and think, This is fun and all, but no one was that dramatic in high school. Oh, how wrong I was. They were dramatic and deep and tortured. And so very entertaining.
Well that was interesting, I must admit when I was in high school I tended to be in some sort of safety bubble as well, although the circumstances of that were quite different and more of by choice. since I was in an all boys private high school, the reality of kids who "no longer did kids stuff" manifested itself in pretty weird and disturbing ways through some of my classmates...
My ex-wife is a teacher, and has been an assistant principal in a school in one of our outer-city ghettos...
The stories she brought back every evening of what the kids were going thru were... horrifying.
And only a very small fraction were articulate enough to express any of it.
Posted by: Mathieu at April 7, 2005 02:03 PMI'm about 15 minutes away from McKinney, I can go pick those up for you. ;-)
Posted by: mandy lou at April 7, 2005 02:22 PMthanks for that, fish. "cringe" is one of the best words to describe how i feel looking back on high school years.
your fly-by reminded me of the time my friends and i elaborately planned a smooth drive by the PG skatepark (a piece of pavement in the downtown area) to "check out" the boys. we got so worked up about it as we drove towards the place that we ended up flying by at mach 3, which made us unable to check out any of the guys there. teenage girls. what a bunch.
Oh the teen years were filled with drama at my highschool. So many secret, so many boys, so many tears. *sigh*
Posted by: Carrie at April 7, 2005 02:29 PMMcKinney! I'm from a small town up I-35, Georgetown, but have friends that live in McKinney and run a cheer gym--how very Texan indeed! Just wanted to spread some Texas love!
Posted by: Ebony at April 7, 2005 03:12 PMCan we please talk about how my roommate is Satan's Angel. Thank you.
Posted by: Sarah B. at April 7, 2005 03:41 PMMy fiance grew up in Brenham, TX - he tells me my tales of growing up in Palm Springs, CA sound like 90210. Some of it was that dramatic, definitely cringe worthy and some of the people would put those characters to shame. I don't miss it one bit.
Posted by: sunshine(kvb) at April 7, 2005 03:44 PMOh my god, Sarah. That was probably the funniest part of the whole night. I simply knew neither the name of the poem reader or the poem. But hell, that was SO FUCKING FUNNY.
Posted by: Fish at April 7, 2005 03:51 PMI just wrote a post on high school angst. I have been there....in such strong ways that I think I replaced them with real feelings. Funny memories...
-jw
I had no idea you were from McKinney, but when you threw out that Colin Creek Mall reference, I said "Whuh?" I was a very dark and stormy teenager. If I had been sober enough to keep up with a diary, it would have been a scary thing indeed. Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex represents!
Posted by: laura at April 7, 2005 05:00 PMSoo do you have a Southern accent, Fish?
Posted by: Poet at April 7, 2005 09:42 PMI knew that I was officially "old" when I watched MSCL as an adult--after not seeing it since I was 15--and thought that actually, the mom's not such a b*tch, after all.
Posted by: Kate at April 7, 2005 10:56 PMHey, are you the known as "hughette" "H" "µ" about 4 years ago? If so, email me and I shall tell you where I know you from. If not, ignore that part. But here's my true message: "Know when to burn your bra at the proper time, otherwise you'll wind up like the Lifetime Channel: No male eye candy most of the time." Very insightful stuff you write, though (very contradictive, aren't I?)
Posted by: Barbe at April 8, 2005 10:30 AMIf you so desire, you can imagine my hippo face to be your bike seat.
Dr. H.O. Potamus
Posted by: Dr. H.O. Potamus at April 8, 2005 10:49 AMBut we can also take into consideration that in the teen years, everything is far more dramatic and scary.
At least, that is what my diary was like.
Posted by: Sarah at April 8, 2005 01:04 PMIn a sense it's the divide between Larry Clark's Kids, and those from Dawson's creek. An entire different era as rebel without a cause showed the first premises of what we witness today.
All youth diaries of their own. places, colors, numbers change, but the social behavior patterns have always been there. Mckinney was one of them.
Glad you had the grace to ignore Dr. Asshole, Hippo, whatever the hell he is, Fish. I do not. If you can't respect women, then stay the fuck off of our blogs.
Posted by: Tootsie at April 8, 2005 07:26 PMHey
what a cool blog! yeah, here in switzerland everything is even a bit more boring and less dramatic, so was high school....
Matthias
Posted by: Matthias at April 9, 2005 05:21 PMI can't believe you're from McKinney. I started reading your blog a couple of months ago while I was living at home with my parents in Mesquite TX, hoping to get a job in NYC. Now I'm two weeks fresh to Manhattan myself. Thanks for the good blogging!
Posted by: JULIE at April 11, 2005 12:56 PMgod, i can remember what i was doing when i was 12. at this time in my life i was reading "84 hours 'till dawn" and "helter skelter". i only DREAMED about making out with a girl. i think kids nowdays are more or less forced to grow up too fast. but that's just my opinion.
Posted by: Darrell at April 11, 2005 05:45 PMMaking out with the cab driver??!! I'm 32 and I've never even done that! Although I did have a cab driver hit on me the other night... but ... um.. he wasn't gettin' any from me! ;)
Posted by: AdventureGirl at April 11, 2005 05:52 PMMy sweet Fish, where have you gone? We miss you!
Posted by: africankelli at April 12, 2005 05:38 PMI hope you are ok heather. We miss you.
Posted by: Torrie at April 12, 2005 06:38 PMi recently found an old diary i my parents attic. my diaries are full of anger and venting. it was my outlet for all things wrong. nothing happy was ever written in there.
Posted by: tinker at April 13, 2005 10:18 AMAnother DFW/Colin Creek Mall shout-out! Oh, Colin Creek Mall, so many off-campus lunches I spent in your hallowed food court...
And Ebony from Georgetown - I went to Southwestern Univ.! Soooo shout-out to you as well!
Damn, it IS a small world after all.
Posted by: Bre at April 15, 2005 11:43 AM