June 16, 2005

girl on girl

I have never been one for picking up strangers -- in bars or anywhere else. But lately, it seems I canít walk away from a night out without the phone number or business card of some new interest. Last week it was Elisa and Ingrid at Benís roof deck party. Last night, Penny at a charity function at Cipriani. Laughs were had, cards exchanged and plans made to get together ďvery soon.Ē

Thatís right. Iím pickiní up chicks. Itís Girl Dating, and right now, itís giving the real thing a run for its money.

Girl Dating is everything I grew up thinking dating dating would be (you know, minus the heavy petting. Rarrr!). Itís breezy! Itís fun! Itís compliments and coincidences. I loooove your skirt, and Get out! I used to go there when I was a kid!

Itís laughing and eating and talking Ė about real life, the things that matter. Small talk gets abandoned even before brunch plans are made, and promises of, Iíll call you next week for drinks are meant and kept.

Thereís even flirting. Women do that with each other, you know. Itís all for a different purpose, of course, but we still display our charms like peacock feathers, meant for enticing the other to like us even more.

As if that's even necessary.

These are smart, strong, gorgeous women. They have ambition, common sense and unbelievable flair. Were I meeting men of this caliber, Iíd be head over heels, humming wedding marches and plucking the petals off of daisies in the classic, he loves me, he loves me not fashion.

So, where are the men that match these women in status, intelligence and looks? Oddly enough, I do not care. The big white wall calendar behind my desk is filled with hastily scratched notes: Drinks with Stephanie. Brunch with Penny. Elisa CD Release.

Who has time for real dating, when Iím spending my evenings in complete social comfort with people I already know I like? Donít misunderstand me. I love men. LOVE them. Theyíre just soÖ complicated. And I will get back to that racket one of these days. Because if notÖ wellÖ I mean, I can just see my future unfolding before me.

Iíll end up a spinster, dying alone with my catÖ and more girlfriends than The Fonz.


Posted by This Fish at June 16, 2005 12:58 PM

beats the "evening" i had last night with a married guy who still thinks he has the liberty to date women with a wife at home. what a big waste. what a complete loser he is. and people wonder why i'm cynical.

Posted by: anonymous at June 16, 2005 03:05 PM

You said it, Fish! Sometimes, there's nothing better than Girl Dating, as you put it. A whole lot more comfortable and a whole lot more fun!

Posted by: glovefox at June 16, 2005 03:21 PM

Life is too short to be shy anymore.
When I meet a chick I want to friends with, I say "I like you, lets be friends".
I think life would be better sometimes if we conducted our relationships the way we used to in kindergarten.

Posted by: Torrie at June 16, 2005 03:35 PM

I love my girls passionately

Posted by: ShawnaKay at June 16, 2005 03:41 PM

These are smart, strong, gorgeous women. They have ambition, common sense and unbelievable flair. Were I meeting men of this caliber, Iíd be head over heels, humming wedding marches and plucking the petals off of daisies in the classic, he loves me, he loves me not fashion.

You said it, for yourself and all of us. (Nice of me to include myself in such a positive description...)

Hope to see you and your glam self tonight, Fishy! Let's get you some more Jewish girls to hang with!

Posted by: Esther at June 16, 2005 03:46 PM

True true ... Girls ... we understand each other and we don't have to talk a lot to know what other girl is talking about. We act exactly the way we are ... you laugh, dance, drink and have a great time!

I guess is really good to go Girl Dating every once in a while ...

Posted by: Laura at June 16, 2005 04:04 PM

I have a standing Girl Date every Wed. It is with my good friend Liz. Last night was just a delightful as all the others and I went home truly happy and feeling light on my feet.

Of course, I'm married, so girl dating is the only dating I do anymore. ;-)

Posted by: Christina at June 16, 2005 04:20 PM

Though I'm a happily married man now, I can still recall (barely) the times when I'd need a break from dating women. And don't get me wrong. I LOVE women. It's just that, from time to time, spending several nights a week dating different women and constantly feeling like you're on some sort of karmic job interview got to be too much. It was times like that when I knew I needed to spend some time with the fellas...going to hip-hop concerts, eating massive amounts of meat and carbs, taking in the latest cheesy action movie, watching any televised sporting event or just hanging on the roof drinking beers.

You'll be back. Enjoy the break. Nay...revel in it.

Posted by: MetroDad at June 16, 2005 04:27 PM

Kudos for this posting, Fish! I love hanging with my ladies, either one on one or organized Girls Night Out. It's important and one of my biggest pet peeves about women is when they forget the girls they 'dated' the minute they find themselves a bloke. My girls are perfect for dinner dates, movie dates, park dates, reality tv watching and just doing nothing together. Wouldn't trade 'em for any boy on the planet.

Posted by: The Duck at June 16, 2005 04:36 PM

I don't know how, but at a single's event recently, the only number I managed to get was for a great girl that I've become good friends with. If only it was as easy to meet a man!

Posted by: FireCracker at June 16, 2005 04:38 PM

Hoorah Fish! I am a late bloomer in the girlfriend department. I am learning that girls are much easier to date, and much less complicated, like you said.

Posted by: kassi at June 16, 2005 05:37 PM

i'm with you, fish--dating my gal pals is the most dating i do these days. a gay boyfriend is great, too! i love mine! :)

Posted by: sassylittlepunkin at June 16, 2005 05:52 PM

amen. this is why i dress as a woman and hit the town every other wednesday night. men ARE complicated.

Posted by: brandon at June 16, 2005 06:12 PM

yeah girl power!

can we be neigbors? You with your cat and me with my dogs?

Posted by: S at June 16, 2005 06:25 PM

I thought my friend and I were the only ones "girl dating!"

Glad to hear you are having fun.

Posted by: August at June 16, 2005 07:09 PM

Right on Fish!
I couldn't agree more - Girl Dating is the way to go. :)

Posted by: Asthmatic at June 16, 2005 07:22 PM

Go Fonz!

I am making all sorts of new girlfriends too. Unfortunately, I don't have any time to go out for drinks. Ahh, the life of a single parent.

Posted by: She who shall not be named at June 16, 2005 08:27 PM

I am a very straight gal, but i once met a really cool chick at a party and found her so much more interesting to talk to than some silly boy trying to git wit me that was a. not cute b. not interesting c. was so awkard that he made me squirm. He told his wingman that I was gay and they exchanged knowing glances. I was very entertained.

Posted by: julie at June 16, 2005 09:35 PM

hear hear, ladies! I get new 'girl crushes' all the time, and the little thrill I feel when the feeling is mutual is almost as good as the thrill I get from my man. Not only that, but they will always notice your new shoes, and not in that suspicious, 'When did you get those shoes?' way.

Posted by: saara at June 16, 2005 10:20 PM

Who the hell are you chicks talking to when it comes to men?! Please, there are those of us (men that is!) who can talk, shop, and a flirt with the best of them. No really - what kind of guys are you talking to?!

Posted by: Robert Lennie at June 16, 2005 11:18 PM

although I was origially hoping to talk to a cute guy tonight, I exchanged e-mails with a cool girl at my work function tonight... we're planning to go hiking with our dogs next weekend... Girl Dating, great term.

Posted by: rg at June 17, 2005 12:12 AM

I love girl dating. It's way more rewarding and you can eat dessert!

Posted by: Ingrid at June 17, 2005 09:04 AM

Love it. Love new, fun, intelligent and down to earth girls. Only fear is that they turn into one of "them" when a man comes a knocking. Girls who leave all other relationships behind when a guy appears are so disappointing!

Posted by: Knowsitall at June 17, 2005 10:01 AM

I wouldn't trade in my girlfriends for a guy anytime!

Posted by: GlitterGlamGirl at June 17, 2005 10:25 AM

Good girlfriends are the mainstay of life - good boyfriends are the dessert! :) (Of course, I would love a good dessert right about now....)

Posted by: lawyerchik1 at June 17, 2005 10:30 AM

Oh fuck yes - Amen luv. Now these girlfriends you surround yourself with - make sure they have cell phones!!! lol.

I absolutely loved this post.

Posted by: Ari at June 17, 2005 01:04 PM

You were just so ON here I had to give love. I have a boyfriend, and I'm learning I'd rather be girl-dating than with him--and not in a sexual way! I'd rather go out with the girls all night and then come home and get laid by my boyfriend! Is that the most heartless thing you've ever heard or what? Actually, what am I saying? Men have done that for centuries. I'm more and more reminded of the late, great, Katherine Hepburn:

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

Amen, sister.

Posted by: aarwenn at June 17, 2005 01:14 PM

You rule. You've just said what I've been thinking all along! Girl Dates are amazing, even though we still LOVE men...it's just different, more comfortable, and meaningful...you know where you stand. Where as men...what gives?

Awesome post :)

Posted by: Girl From Ipanema at June 17, 2005 01:23 PM

They just released the numbers that say for the 63rd straight year in a row more boys have been born then girls. And now the remaining single women have taken to dating each other....I'm dying over here!

Posted by: Christian at June 17, 2005 01:32 PM

Makes me laugh, in my single days, I'd get together with the guys and go over the damage reports from our latest dates. The most used phrase was, "Dating is complicated". Of course that was just said because we remembered seeing Ross Gellar say it or some shit. And then we would go back to bowling or watching football. The point is, true comradary is a hard thing to substitute.

Posted by: Mike at June 17, 2005 02:54 PM

This is my second visit to your site and let me just say that it is impressive and the design is top notch. Your posts are insightful and never fail to reveal your talent, and this one is no exception. However, I am curious: what would be wrong with dying alone with your cat if you lived the life you dreamed of and made more difference in the world than someone who chose the traditional married/kids package?

Posted by: Maria at June 18, 2005 08:28 PM


You're hilarious! If I lived in NY, I'd love to take you on a Girl Date. :D

Posted by: lindsay at June 18, 2005 11:02 PM

I hear you!! So nice to relax in the company of a gal pal! Sometimes I feel more attractive at the end of a night with a chick than with a guy! Go figure! :)

Posted by: AdventureGirl at June 19, 2005 01:02 AM

I love these "porno titled" entries.

Posted by: Michael at June 19, 2005 03:49 AM

Wow, that's great! I've decided to change my thinking about dating and just have a lot of fun with my friends when we go out. If I meet someone cool, if not, how can it be a waste when I've spent some time having a lot of fun with my friends?
So good for you! :)

Posted by: Kate at June 19, 2005 09:56 AM

Well, I won't even touch the Freudian of this, except to say that a surprising number of women have decided that their sexuality isn't one thing or another, but fluid. The interest my posting "bi with boyfriend" stirred up might mean there's something to this Girl Dating thing that's more than you delve into.

I'm not implying you're not in touch with your feelings, only that two trains may be racing towards one another from different directions.

Posted by: W. S. Cross at June 19, 2005 05:37 PM

well, W. S. just didn't get it. lol

Posted by: Mimi at June 20, 2005 08:43 AM

Could it be that you have more fun because you have different expectations then when you try to meet men, And that both women in meeting have the same expectations about the relationship?

Posted by: Keith at June 20, 2005 01:28 PM

girls are fun...
boys are stupid...

Posted by: jules at June 20, 2005 02:59 PM

I think it has more to do with sisterhood - in a very refreshing and childlike sense.

If you enjoyed playing with other girls in the neighborhood (during the time when boys all had cooties and were only interested in pursuits involving blowing things up), you relate better to girls in a Barbie-clothes-trading, you-can-ride-my-pink-bicycle-with-the-streamers kind of friendship that outlasts romance.

Your girlfriends are your sorority sisters - your best cheerleaders, comforters and posse. To steal a quote from one of the last episodes of "Sex and the City," your best girlfriends are the true loves of your life - a guy would do pretty well to come in fourth. And it's not about sex; it's about being understood, appreciated and celebrated by your own kind....

It's a chick thing, right? :)

Posted by: lawyerchik1 at June 20, 2005 03:46 PM

Fish discovers why guys hang out with other guys, except we don't call it "dating" because that would be weird (to some).

It all boils down to the childhood lessons we've learned, i.e., how to avoid getting "the cooties."

Orthogonally gendered friendships (with respect to sexual orientation) "work" because they remove the anxiety surrounded by the pressures of "dating dating," as you put it.

Of course, all of this wisdom is less valuable if you're bisexual ...

Posted by: Dossy at June 21, 2005 01:11 PM