After tomorrow evening, provided I do not get axe-murdered and buried in pieces in shallow graves throughout Central Park, I should have a good story for you. Right now, though, this is all I got.
If I had not already learned my lesson about musicians, I could certain have wasted a big chunk of time on this guy. Yes indeed. Very good thing I learned my lesson. ‘Cause that tattoo on his forearm is awfully hot. His music’s good too.
(update: as Indie Rock Boy points out, I already have a Todd Martin so this is not open for discussion)
Tanya and I are having a sleepover this weekend. This is what we do when we’re abandoned by those we love. No, no, you kids enjoy the VMAs. We will be too far gone on champagne and too busy having pillow fights in our underwear to miss you.
I don’t mean that. I miss you. Come home! Seriously.
Today I saw the policemen that came when my skylight was broken. I was playing hooky and they were… well, doing cop things. We talked about baseball and I realized that, now having seen my brother as a cop, the uniform just does nothing for me anymore.
I put Justified on repeat today. For three hours. I can’t explain it either.
J and his girlfriend broke up. I had nothing to do with this. We’re going to a wedding together in three weeks and by god, they had better get all patched up by then because I was sort of counting on girlfriend insurance to moderate everyone’s behavior. And no, Sarah, not even for old time’s sake.
Well, I’m tapped. But I promise, you’re going to love tomorrow’s story, so stay tuned.
My, I concur. Mr. Martin is very handsome. You must have learned a hard lesson if you aren't even tempted to give him a shot.
Can't wait for tomorrows!
Posted by: Rene' at August 24, 2005 11:47 PMmaybe if you stick fat cocks in your ass you'll have something to talk about. you write like shit.
Posted by: guntman at August 24, 2005 11:47 PMGuntman
What a moron you are. Perhaps you should try doing the aforementioned, this way you wouldn't have time to post CRAP!
Posted by: Rene' at August 24, 2005 11:52 PMI think that falls under the No Advice rule, Guntman.
Posted by: Fish at August 24, 2005 11:52 PMFunny post... well funny sad kinda... what's with the Guntman?
Posted by: Scott at August 25, 2005 12:20 AMIndeed, everything has changed.
Posted by: Sass at August 25, 2005 12:37 AMAshamed as I am, I also recently re-discovered Justified. Sad but fun.
You've never been one to hype up future entries, have you? Half the fun of this site is the pleasant surprise in finding something extremely well thought-out and unprompted.
Posted by: Jack at August 25, 2005 02:38 AMAmong all the other counting down I do, this shouldn't be to much of a wait :-D
Posted by: SillyCrazyMe at August 25, 2005 05:40 AMJack, I promise this one will not be at ALL thought out. It's just going to be amusing. (it's just a blog.)
Posted by: Fish at August 25, 2005 06:53 AMThey broke up?!? Ok, I'm sorry but I think I called that one in your comments a few weeks ago when he said that he never connected with her like he did with you, but you insisted that what they had was beyond that. Not to have told you so or anything :)
Posted by: elise at August 25, 2005 08:19 AMJust so you can gloat a bit, your friends at the VMAs will be dealing with a hurricane on Friday. Unfortunately, so will I. You're better off at home.
But not to worry; it's not a major storm. More rain than anything else. They will be fine. Bored and trapped inside, but fine. And probably drunk.
Have fun at your sleepover.
Guntman, you're a fuckwit.
Posted by: Megan at August 25, 2005 08:41 AMhola fishy,
I've been reading for a while and never had the urge to comment, that is before today.
The responsible stock answer to any question involving J would be run, fast, and in the other direction of him.
However, I've had a J before, and I actually cried, yes I said cried, when I read your Neverland post.
So, and I want you to know THIS IS NOT ADVICE! But in my situation, Peter Pan grew up and comes home to me every night.
Posted by: casablancalily at August 25, 2005 08:49 AMAh, Guntman. You had your chance. Use a valid email address and I might think about leaving up your long-winded, erroneously founded rantings. For now, I'll keep deleting. Besides, your first comment is your most eloquent by far.
Posted by: Fish at August 25, 2005 09:21 AM"If I had not already learned my lesson about musicians..."
Do illuminate us, er, me.
:}
Posted by: Benjamin at August 25, 2005 09:24 AMGuntman is a moron! I enjoyed your tidbit :-)
Posted by: J.Polite at August 25, 2005 09:25 AMSubway wanker in NYC I didn't feel like finding your email but worksafe:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/94886948@N00/35501732/in/photostream/
Maybe use your power to find this dude?
Posted by: Hp at August 25, 2005 09:54 AMHello, Guntman. I'm a firm believer that no voice should be silenced. If you look back over what you wrote, however, I'm sure you can see how someone might take offense to that. Maybe you should restate your point some other way so that it's more clear and uses fewer words like "cock" and "ass" and "shit". Also, throw in a greeting and a salutation. You'll find people will respond to you more pistively.
Have a nice day, asshat.
Posted by: scott at August 25, 2005 10:01 AMOh... :) So that makes three of us.
Posted by: Ari at August 25, 2005 10:38 AMMmm...fat cocks.
Posted by: tanya at August 25, 2005 11:07 AMI personally had a fat cock in my ass last night and The Fish still writes loads better than I do.
(And, yes...I'm a girl.)
Posted by: Blu at August 25, 2005 11:12 AMOh that's so funny what you said about cop uniforms.
Posted by: TCho at August 25, 2005 11:26 AMI scanned Todd's site for pictures of the tattoo on his forearm, but dammit he is wearing long sleeves in every picture!!! But he is adorable!
Posted by: Carrie at August 25, 2005 12:10 PMShe can't write?!? BS! I was particularly entertained by the juxtaposition of the sentences "No Sarah, not even for old times sake" and "Well, I'm tapped". Or maybe I'm the only one that finds that funny. Since I think tapped as in "that ass".
I also thought it was funny because I thought Gutman suggest socks up your ass. I need to read slower, plus the thought makes me mental chaff in the wrong places.
Posted by: Mike at August 25, 2005 12:58 PMThe female obsession with musicians is oh so unfortunate. Just because the boy plays a guitar doesn't mean he's Jesus Christ. Imagine if he excelled at other pursuits -- knitting or debate or the stock market or bocci -- would you find him as alluring? He's no different. Besides, 12-string guitars go out of tune all the time.
Posted by: Anonymous at August 25, 2005 01:03 PMWell, Anon... if it makes you feel any better, I learned my lesson about Jesus Christ, too.
And I once had a mean, mean crush on a man who played Bocci. No lie.
Posted by: Fish at August 25, 2005 01:07 PMi'm totally hoping that your next post had something to do with the changes you alluded to before you left on your trip to utah. does it? :)
Posted by: RazDreams at August 25, 2005 01:11 PMOh lordy. I hadn't expected to come across a reference to Todd on here. Nice fellow.
And yep, music's good too.
Posted by: Victoria at August 25, 2005 01:12 PMOkay, so this freaks me out. I am a HUGE TODD MARTIN fan. I have written about him on my blog, and I have ALL of his music. I couldn't even steal it on Limewire. I actually bought it from iTunes. I knew I loved you for a reason.
Posted by: StephanieKlein at August 25, 2005 01:36 PMA wise woman once said to me: "The homeliest guy in the world can pick up a guitar and automatically he's at least a 7." True story.
Posted by: tanya at August 25, 2005 02:11 PMI am not musically inclined and I do not play bocci, so I guess I have no shot at the fish... DAMN!
You definately have a smooth flow to your writing... fun to read!
Posted by: louie at August 25, 2005 03:31 PMInstead of missing us, you should fly down and hang with us.
Oh yeah. Fucking hurricane. Never mind.
Posted by: G at August 25, 2005 05:16 PMTodd Martin is totally hot! I haven't learned my lesson about the musicians, and in this instance, I would totally be an advocate of the "You have to make your own mistakes to learn from them" mantra :)
Have a great evening!
Posted by: Ashleigh at August 25, 2005 05:23 PMmy music library has expanded tenfold since I started reading all these new york blogs---ray lamontagne (from S. Klein), todd martin (from fish), etc. Thanks for cluing the rest of us in...looking forward to tomorrow!
Posted by: Jillian at August 25, 2005 08:15 PMWeird... I listened to "Justified" on repeat in my car earlier this week. What's up with that?
Posted by: Pamela at August 26, 2005 08:01 AMYou tease.
Posted by: Torrie at August 26, 2005 10:10 AMGimme a sec. It's possible I still may be a little bit drunk.
Posted by: Fish at August 26, 2005 11:30 AMFish, I married a musician, a sax player, and he decided after we were married to quit and become a firefighter. Sax player turned firefighter... mmmmmm. Anyway, point being, musicians, if you can keep 'em, are good with their hands and other stuff, if you know what I mean. :-)
Posted by: atpanda at August 26, 2005 11:48 AMI swear to God if you hang out with another Todd Martin I'm going to kick his wanna be Howie Day ass back to Philadelphia where he came from.
See Also: Gavin Degraw
See Also: Famous American Tennis Players of the 90s
See Also: E-Z Cheese Value Pack
Awww, Todd, I didn't know you cared! ;) What if I promise not to make out with him in taxis? THEN is it cool?
Posted by: Fish at August 26, 2005 01:00 PMI really don't think so. He's already wrecking all my potential google search results for all the ones of people seeking me in Boston. And this guy can't possibly be making a career of this. Is www.toddmartinwaiter.com his other site?
You know, I thought I was more than just cheap thrills in a Cab. I feel like such a piece of meat. pffft.
Posted by: IRB at August 26, 2005 01:24 PM