August 26, 2005

three in three parts

Part one: The Indecent Proposal

Read this.

Part two: The Holy Shit E-mail

Friday night, I stumbled into my apartment, dumped my purchases from my Atlantic City spree on the bed and turned on the computer. Having been disconnected all day, there was a lot of email to sort through. Nothing out of the ordinary – spam, spam, spam, a Birthday Evite (added to calendar) a few requests not to use the word ‘midget’ (duly noted). But then, suddenly, ordinary was left way, way behind when I got to the last unread message in my inbox:

To: Fish
From: Rob
Subject: Secret Admirer

It's not often that an intoxicated flirtatious encounter 4 months old winds up as a topic of conversation between me and a friend who initiates said conversation with 'I was randomly reading the archives of this blog that I like and I think it was about you...'

…lo and behold the very same encounter that I'd recounted for a number of close friends as one of my most randomly intimate and exciting. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it...and remembering the extremely tension filled moments of that evening.

...but Will Smith? hmmm. You clearly neglected to include my lazy eye and peg leg limp.

You left a lasting impression… I think I'd love to take you for some kind of unpronounceable frozen latte caramelo mocha chai thingy...or something wholly pronounceable like a gin n tonic.

I'm intrigued, Mademoiselle Poisson. Oh yeah, this is Rob.

I read the email three times, said ‘holy shit’ about three dozen times and then finally replied.

To: Rob
From: Fish
Subject: Re: Secret Admirer

Holy Shit.

Part Three: Something Wholly Pronounceable – like sake. And vodka. And wine

“I’m sorry to break the no-call rule…” He was late, stuck in a taxi just outside the restaurant. Something about change and five dollar bills.

After some back and forth about potential axe murders, tazers and bodyguards (should we meet somewhere where there are metal detectors?) Rob-the-Threesome-Guy and I had agreed to drinks Thursday night after work.

“That’s really okay,” I said. At this point, rules were fairly useless. He’d already propositioned me, smacked my tush and kissed me. We weren’t exactly following any sort of protocol.

We settled into a table at Matsuri and I studied him closely. Without the dim lighting and the vodka colored glasses, he was a little less Will Smith and a little more…well, someone else, but he was still quite attractive and indeed, Rob the Threesome Guy.

What should have been weird, or at least slightly awkward, wasn’t. And while I sipped gingerly at a saketini, Rob explained in more detail how he found my (his?) story on the internet one night.

“It’s such an amazing set of coincidences. We should go get married right now.”

I laughed at the suggestion and fished a slice of cucumber from my martini glass.

“Don’t you think we should get the kids thing settled first?”
“I want a big family”
“I could do four.”
“Four works for me.”

It was settled. But Instead of getting married, we got another round of drinks and some kobe beef. We talked about string theory, foreign travel, books we’re reading and why men and women can’t seem to speak the same language. Somewhere in there, I asked him what inspired his original indecent proposal.

“I’ll get to that.”

Four and a half hours later, when we wrapped up dinner at Paradou, he still hadn’t gotten to that. We’d gotten to every other topic possible and even to a kiss or two. Sometime after midnight, I poured myself into a northbound cab, promising to send a text when I arrived home safely. The cabby turned the Mets game up and as I sent obligatory “I am not dead” texts to Tanya and Stephanie who had been on alert all evening, I realized then I never did get that explanation.

Guess that means there might have to be a Part Four then, huh?

Posted by This Fish at August 26, 2005 12:22 PM

Wow, what a small world. I can't wait for parts four (and more?)!

Posted by: Angie at August 26, 2005 02:04 PM

ooh, exciting!!

Posted by: xta at August 26, 2005 02:05 PM

there has to be a part four! it is far too intriguing....

Posted by: erin at August 26, 2005 02:09 PM

Reason #9,422 that blogs are great.

Posted by: Polichick at August 26, 2005 02:09 PM

Holy Shit! Long time reader, first time commenter...this is just too good for me to not say something. So, curious minds want to know: what happened to Joy? Can't wait to read more.

Posted by: BeeBee at August 26, 2005 02:11 PM

yippee, yippee, ya-ya!!! so happy for you. (and, um, i'm seriously hoping that miss joy isn't in the picture anymore. you deserve way more than sharing.)

Posted by: RazDreams at August 26, 2005 02:13 PM


Posted by: red at August 26, 2005 02:38 PM

Frankly, I am more intrigued by the fact that this guy willingly used the words "marriage" and "kids" on the first date... not seriously, of course, but you know how most men are... and that? Is impressive.

Good work. You'd damn well better keep us posted.

Posted by: Pi.nk Stil.etto at August 26, 2005 02:39 PM

Sorry -- that wasn't meant to sound like a demand. Heh. Meant to be more like, "Pretty please, keep us posted."

Posted by: Pi.nk Stil.etto at August 26, 2005 02:40 PM

WOW! The power of the internet.

Posted by: akaellen at August 26, 2005 02:47 PM

Mystery. Intrique. Romance.

On the edge, waiting for part four.

Posted by: KT at August 26, 2005 02:51 PM

what a story for the grandkids!

Posted by: mary at August 26, 2005 02:53 PM

Whoa- momma, that's good stuff, ever better than I could've imagined. What a crazy encounter! Life as a single girl in NYC, I love reading your posts.

Posted by: CoCo at August 26, 2005 02:54 PM


Posted by: Rainforest at August 26, 2005 02:56 PM

Wow. Better start thinking now about who you want to play you in the inevitable Lifetime movie!

Posted by: ladygoat at August 26, 2005 03:05 PM

Oh wow. Holy shit. what a great story.

Posted by: Mindy at August 26, 2005 03:10 PM

"Holy Shit" is right! Wow. What an excellent story. Holding my breath unil Part Four!!

Posted by: Carrie at August 26, 2005 03:38 PM

wow, appears blogs just make the small world even smaller. that scares me. and intrigues me at the same time.

and makes me wonder if any of my or my friends' shananigans have been described on some unknown persons blog...

looking forward to hearing about Part 4

Posted by: rg at August 26, 2005 03:54 PM

Hi! I just found your blog through another link . . . I cannot believe this story!! :) How romantic!!!!! I love it!

Posted by: Zoe at August 26, 2005 03:58 PM

I'll be honest. I don't have time to read this. I'm sure it's funny and witty, but I'm just too busy. So, I'm just going to say Hello and tell you that I've enjoyed being here for a week or so.

See you later.

Posted by: scott at August 26, 2005 04:17 PM

I love that everyone is so in awe of this amazing story, because it is amazing. However, I have one word for this guy. TROUBLE. Good luck, have fun and be careful.

Posted by: Smilin.N.ny at August 26, 2005 04:20 PM


It is for encounters like these that you are a writer. And I get such satisfaction because you do it so well. I mean, how would a painter possibly convey Kobe Beef and a horny, orgy-loving New Yorker as effectively as you?

Send us more.


Posted by: Lauren at August 26, 2005 04:27 PM


awesome story.

Posted by: ms. sizzle at August 26, 2005 04:28 PM

This is the best thing I've ever read in my life. You brighten every waking moment I have. They should definitely make a movie about you. Jennifer Aniston could star. Keep on groovin' to your funky beat, sister!

Posted by: julie-t at August 26, 2005 04:51 PM

Just adding my kudos because it really was a great story. When things come around and wing back at you (but in a good way), it really does make your heart race. How cool. Glad for you.

Posted by: Michael at August 26, 2005 04:52 PM

I can't wait to hear more.

Posted by: Jazzy at August 26, 2005 05:02 PM

holy shit is right. one question. what happened to the hottie on his arm?

Posted by: megan at August 26, 2005 05:47 PM

I think I should get partial credit for this encounter. At the very least I expect a child to be named after me.

Posted by: ken at August 26, 2005 06:55 PM

re your email:
It was worth the wait.

Posted by: Torrie at August 26, 2005 08:11 PM

Holy Moly! (part one gave me the tinglies!)

Posted by: Stacey at August 26, 2005 09:31 PM

4. It's a good number. Get married.
Or at least have part 4.

Posted by: Di at August 26, 2005 09:32 PM

Whatta bicycle, huh?

Good luck and have fun!

Posted by: SWSNBN at August 27, 2005 12:16 AM

Oh MY!! Thank goodness I have become so obsessed with reading your blog - that even though I stayed off the internet ALL day long today, I KNEW it was a must that I log on only for a moment to hear your story. Well worth it. Can't wait for more!!

Posted by: BlondieBlueNYC at August 27, 2005 12:32 AM

The plot thickens!

And I get to live vicariously . . . :)

Posted by: kris at August 27, 2005 07:17 AM

Wow. Very small world indeed! I can't imagine what I would have done in his place if I heard my friend start a conversation like that!

Posted by: August at August 27, 2005 01:00 PM

Holy shit.

Posted by: Megan at August 27, 2005 02:20 PM

Hun, Carrie Bradshaw has nothing on you. HBO needs to make a show about you and your friends...
Hurry up with part four!

Posted by: Monica at August 27, 2005 07:23 PM

i read this blog everyday and it makes me laugh more than anything in the world. one of the true pleasures of the internet. i smell movie potential! i can't believe you don't have book agents and tv producers knocking down your door for a big bite of your little tuna. you seem like the smartest, prettiest girl having the most fun out of life.

these stories also make me very sad i must admit. i am fat and ugly and i've never been asked out by a guy. i have a terrific personality, i hide the pain and maintain an optimistic front. co-workers love me, i put myself out there, but still no dates. it's good to know there are girls like you making up for us losers who need to live vicariously. now i will go masturbate.

Posted by: opaline at August 27, 2005 08:12 PM

Trouble, indeed. Not following any sort of protocol whatsoever is Trouble. But oh, Trouble... it can be such a wonderous thing! If the threesome thing comes up again you've got to do it for us Fans! :)

Posted by: la.dauphine at August 27, 2005 08:51 PM

NYC. I *must* get there one of these days. The only excitement around here is a hurricane.

Posted by: Plantation at August 27, 2005 09:42 PM

Oh my gosh, Opaline!

a) no one is ugly (apart from maybe those disgusting greasy 15-18 year old boys); and
b) almost no one is terminally fat.

Posted by: Richard D. Bartlett at August 27, 2005 11:19 PM

Holy shit is right!
Reality is definitely stranger than fiction.

You might be tellin' the grandkids this story. Or would you? ;)

Posted by: andrea at August 28, 2005 10:33 AM

So...what DOES he look like?

Posted by: Katherine at August 28, 2005 04:04 PM

oh wow, so cool, exciting, yikes I sound like I'm 12, but that's all so hilariously fabulously cool! Can't wait to hear if there is a Part4 .... or 5 :)

Posted by: Miss Lisa at August 28, 2005 08:20 PM

That is the funniest dating story I have heard of in a long time.

Can't wait for Part 4...or maybe even more?

Posted by: nicole at August 29, 2005 01:38 AM

Imagine this as a "how I met your mother" story.

Posted by: Don at August 29, 2005 12:31 PM

Damn Girl! If you ever wonder why you picked up and moved, THIS is the reason.

Posted by: Amy at August 29, 2005 12:34 PM

Holy hell! That was so worth the wait. BRAVO FISH!

Posted by: africankelli at August 29, 2005 02:56 PM

I too think its a good story, but I'd be a little more inclined to the 'trouble' theory. Be careful!

Posted by: atpanda at August 29, 2005 11:34 PM

Oh, and also a little weird that he's probably been checking here to see how he did on the date.

Posted by: atpanda at August 29, 2005 11:35 PM

this is just one of the reasons-although i am completely happy with my hubby and kids-that i wouldn't mind being fish for just one evening. how fun. thank you for allowing this old married mom to live vicariously thru you. and yes, that would be a great story for the grandkids someday. "you see, grandpa propositioned me for a threeway, and then...."

Posted by: the other amy at August 30, 2005 10:45 AM

Whooo Hooo!!!

Sounds like an absolute blast to me!!!

Can't wait to hear Part 4!!!

PS-Holy Shit.

Posted by: Heather at August 31, 2005 01:39 PM

oooh girl, i like it over here! i'll be back for more

Posted by: still life at August 31, 2005 04:39 PM

Holy shit

It is the only thing that seems to fit

Posted by: Raquita at September 1, 2005 05:34 PM

Nice story.... Cool Blog!

Posted by: Dr. Prahalathan KK at September 7, 2005 08:21 AM

very cool story... and I can relate a little.
I've had that HOLY SHIT moment myself.. writing about somebody on my blog that I never expected would ever ever read it... yup.. but he asked me to take it down-- cuz it was a bit scandalous.
But this was really a good read.. can't wait to read part 4.

Posted by: Twixie at September 9, 2005 11:27 AM

you need probes!

Posted by: Jennifer at September 12, 2005 05:01 AM

Hello, my name is Pockemon and I'd like to invite you on my blog

Posted by: Pockemon at September 24, 2005 09:35 AM