grwm

It was recently suggested to me that I could monetize my presence here by getting sponsored by brands I use. You know, share my beauty routine or anti-aging hacks and be a really-for-real influencer. And y’all the hilarity of that.

I told them that beauty industry would be horrified by me.

If you see me wearing mascara and it’s not currently like, mom’s night out, it’s from yesterday. Because I don’t wash my face. And it’s not like, Ohhhh, facial cleanser is so drying, it’s that face washing, outside of a full-blown shower, is a sensory NIGHTMARE. Get water all over the sink and in my hair and down my forearms and… no thank you. I’ll sleep in make up and SPF before I’ll make myself do something so offensive right before bed. Look at me, protecting my peace.

See? I’m a nightmare.

My skincare routine consists of a single product. OneSkin. There. No gatekeeping here.

I brush my hair 50 strokes every night. Just like Caroline Ingalls. I do have a fancy brush, but I mostly use one of these cheap Goody pics because it’s good for the scalp. I think. And I will sleep in a cap just like Ma, too. Only, mine’s silk and not cotton because when the same hairs have been on your head for like, a decade (how gross does that sound?), you gotta avoid friction.

I have an estrogen patch because I am not going gently into that good night, thank you very much. I think this helps my skin. I can’t prove it.

Also, I don’t drink alcohol anymore so do with that what you will.

But here’s my very best beauty hack for this middle age madness. That chin hair you can feel but can’t see it even in the school pick up line where the light is the best? Mascara. Give your chin a little swipey-swipe and you’ll see ALL the hairs, not just your tormentor. Pluck away, friend. I use tube mascara and it works great. But I can’t speak for traditional mascara.

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But if you’ll allow me to share some beauty tips I’ve gleaned from women around me, I think you’ll find them beneficial.

Wanna glow like you just rolled in a meadow of fireflies? Be kind. I could not be more serious. The kindest most open-hearted people I know are also the ones who look like they’re lit up from the inside. I’ve learned that they’re not always happy. They’re not always performing. But they are always kind. The best part about this is how contagious it can be. Borrow someone’s light. Then let it change you and watch your light light up someone else. I do not care that this is cheesy because it is true.

Live authentically, even when it’s scary. Fear is not a sign that something is wrong, by the way. It’s a sign that it’s new. Do the new and do it scared. Stop playing roles just to make other people comfortable. Be so much yourself that when people come into your life who need you, they’ll find you (you probably need them, too). Bring your silly, your weird, your loving, your creative and open self to every interaction and let it sort the real ones from the rest.

Be invested in other people’s happiness. I don’t mean people-pleasing because lord knows, that was aging me faster than smoking ever could. I mean, chase joy and give joy. Be curious and engaged and interested in people. Strong community ties, by the way, are what’s going to keep us young. I mean, we’re probably still going to have crepey necks, but we’re going to have our pick of besties who will pull the skin back in photos for us.

Now, pretend I tapped my fingernails on some plastic jars and off you go.