I need a body double. A body, brain and heart double, actually. Or three of them. One to sit in for me and go clickety-clack on the keyboard and produce useful workish material, another to go clickety-clack and produce useful bloggish material, and one (preferably with a valid driver’s license) to run all nine thousand party errands left on my list, so that when Friday evening rolls around there is beer, finger food and an iTunes playlist of fun! and engaging! party tunes all wrapped up in a very tidy apartment lacking in any conspicuously unfinished shelving projects. Ahem.
If the body doubles venture were successful, I’d have time to flop down on my bed where I may privately make a mountain of a molehill and indulge in this woe-is-me feeling that’s bubbling up in my anxious tummy. That’s all I want to do. Lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s not that anything in particular is wrong, exactly. I’m just overwhelmed. I chalk it up to the fact that I’ve a lot to do in a short time and, more importantly, where matters of my heart are concerned, it doesn’t matter how much rest I get at night, the very act of being awake is something of an effort.
Hey kiddo, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take one moment at a time. I’m sure “the party” will be a major success and everyone will have a wonderful time. Throw some postive thoughts into your mix….and screw the body doubles because as you know, if you want something done right, you’d better off doing it yourself (unfortunately).
I don’t know that I’d want a “body double”… more like “replaceable parts”…ya know, the hip, part of the lower-middle back, perhaps some new knees, clearer vision and something to enhance one’s memory capacity…. Yea, that would work for me.
Sounds as though your heart is heavy. Mine is too (especially after this weekend). Wouldn’t it be nice to replace the heart and/or to simply be able to slip in a disc and erase or delete all those awful heavy feelings? UGH…MEN!
(Deep Breath!)
Alas, we can’t. So, I’ll just feed myself even more positive energy and continue to remind myself that this… this feeling…this heaviness that fills my heart… SHALL SOON PASS.
Hang in, Fish… keep us posted.
Feel ya sister.
Last night, I actually managed to make myself go to the gym when I got home from work instead of crawling into bed with a very large bottle of wine like I really wanted to do. I still can’t believe I pulled that one off.
I completely understand. What’s wrong with human cloning again?
College (or life in general) can do that to you.
Sorry to hear life/plans/boys are stressing you out. Sounds like you need to vent a bit more than you need advice. But keep in mind that parties in the summer (that include drinks) are always fun. The color of the napkins or whether the food is perfect is usually not important
I know what that feels like as well.. at work today all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk, use my sweater as a pillow and sleep… forever.
Feel better soon!
Give it a shot. If Michael Keaton movies are any indication of reality (what, Beetlejuice wasn’t a documentary?) hilarity will certainly ensue. Also, all evidence then points to clones being exceptionally handy in the home improvement department, so they could totally take care of your shelving issues.
You know, I’ve never commented on your blog, but I’ve read it for months… and loved it so much that I went back and read every entry. It’s funny, though, that how I initially found it was as a link on my (now ex-)boyfriend’s blog, who at the time I was so enamored with I thought anything he read must’ve been genius, hilarious, or both.
This is both. And lemme tell ya, it’s like therapy for me… he left me high and dry in the worst sort of way after I’d (almost) given up/changed MOST MAJOR THINGS for him- and now to add insult to injury, he won’t even talk to me (they say it’s a good thing, I guess sometimes good things feel like torture?) and yet reading your entries makes me feel like even though my romantic ambition has been momentarily stalled, I can still live my life, and be funny, and thoughtful, and smart, and feel attractive, alive and wonderful and all those other great things you seem to emulate. And I love you for that.
So thanks.
Your sharing and your honesty is much, much appreciated.
I know the feeling all too well. Every morning for two weeks I wake up and think to myself it must have been a bad dream. My heart is heavy and being awake to think about his last e-mails and, even worse, those first kisses is highly overrated.
I feel you. Seems to be something in the universe. It’s getting better with time. Hang in there.
I know the feeling all too well. My heart has been heavy for two weeks and sleep is far superior to thinking about his last e-mail or, even worse, his first kisses. The good news is time seems to be helping. (I think) Wine helps more.
Hang in there.
P.S. I have a giant mirror that belongs on the wall above my bed that I bought six months ago. It currently resides on my closet floor.
I need doubles and a double SHOT of something, anything. I feel your pain.
Could my body double be Photo-shopped please? Fish, if your heart still works, be glad. After all that has happened, relationship-wise in the last 12 months, I think mine shut down somewhere along the way and may never again start up. I think maybe 10% of my girlfriends are happy in their relationships. The other 90%, their husbands are making them f-ing miserable. I don’t believe in love, or even in companionship, anymore. It must be an illusion since I don’t see it happening anywhere around me. It’s good that you still believe. Maybe one day your writing will turn my heart back on again.
Feeling ya sister! Sounds like you need some you time.
I wait everyday to read your blog. What i love is your honesty. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years–i barked up the tree way too long because i didn’t want to admit i had made a wrong choice. Yeah, my heart is pretty heavy here too. Everything is taking too much effort to accomplish, breathing, smiling, talking. Like they say–this too shall pass. Hang in there, you’re not alone.
I hear you, sister. The last few weeks I have just crawled in bed after work and waited for it to be morning. What is up with these guys who make us so sad?
Wow. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Can’t. Get. Enough. Sleep!
I know the feeling… I recently planned my wedding in a few months time – just for the simple reason why do a few months worth of work over a years time – just get it done and over with –
everything was going good until the last week – i dropped major weight and was not sleeping…
it will all work out though… and if something doesnt get done – you cant worry about it.
The sleeping thing must be going around. Everyone I have spoken to recently has wanted to just hide in their beds of late. Which is odd, since summer is usually the last time we all want to do that. I stayed home from work today but am already wishing it was the weekend so I can hole up for good.
The party will be fantastic. And if all else fails, remember my mantra: It will happen, because it must happen, and then it will be over. (And occassionally, and then, there will be cocktails).
If you are thinking of your Richard, trust that after much time passes you can be friends. It’s always worked for me, but I had to stay away at least a year while my heart healed. If you really have loved someone once, I see no reason to stop having them in your life. The chemistry, it does fade.
And the party will be a huge success if you have a lot of alcohol and food. If you are serving dinner, serve it late after many drinks and your guests will swear it is the best ever. Not that I’ve ever resorted to such tactics, I swear!
Answer: I don’t actually want to be friends; it would only be a reminder of the life I could not have.
I have been there; sadly it was a loooong time ago. It/thoughts of him pop up every now and then….but it gets better….you know that. Sleeping in is just the best thing we have until someone invents that damn Lacuna Inc memory erasing doohicky already….sigh…
Hang in there. Crazy busy is a good thing in a way.
I feel ya fish! Give me a few of me and I’ll show you a rested less stressed person. Of course I’d have to have control of their daily activities in case they got too out of control. You know slappin people when they deserved it and laughing at inappropriate times.
I hate that feeling. It is the worst. I usually try to ignore it so I can be productive but it always comes back until you deal with it. Or wallow. Wallowing is good too.