This afternoon when I clicked over to my gmail spam folder to make surethat no legitimate messages were trapped within, one message caught myeye. Not for promising the ever-sought-after “mighty wang.” I mean,either I am not so picky about, um, wangs, or have never beenpresented with a less-than-mighty specimen, because this issue ranks onmy List of Concerns somewhere near the personal minutia of The Hillscast members and maybe, car stereo equipment. Which is to say oh, god,don’t care. But! The subject line of the email gave me a few giggles.
From: Laurent <Spammer@Spamalamadingdong.org>
To: Heather <thisfish@thegmail.com>
Subject: Sperms of Endearment
Spermsof Endearment? Oh, spammer, your sense of humor is showing! That amusedme so much, I briefly considered replying, to thank Laurent forbrightening my day.
Something else wang-related thatamuses me: how much pride men take in their erections. You know, as ifthey did anything more than possess a properly-functioning circulatorysystem to achieve them. I mean, judging by the look of satisfaction asimple blood rush can produce, you’d think it had involved trigonometry– or at the very least some complicated long division. Ah, yeeeeah, baby. Check it out. Remainder of four.
That is a classic. And it provides a lot of room for other great spooge-related film references:
A Room With A Spew anyone?
They do do long division! … To keep it that way.
They also think of baseball stats, orthopedic shoes, and soggy bologna sandwiches.
i am much prouder of my ‘pee-rection’ which requires mastery of the science of using the restroom in the morning when you…oh never mind.
I also get a sticker when I make a dookie.
Would that sticker be in the shape of a gold star?
Yes, scratch and sniff.
Though unrelated, I still hope this adds to your amusement: http://cakeface.tumblr.com/post/40570760/tasty-tom-selleck-cake-via-the-small-cat-club
Okay, NOW I’m going to be sad when at my birthday in a couple weeks, there will be no Tom Selleck cake. That thing is GLORIOUS!
Remainder of four! Best line I have heard all day, and that even includes when the guy at my work told me “having fun is good” after hearing my story about how I ate too much at dinner the other night.
Thanks for brightening my day!
In my next life, I hope I can write subject lines like that all day.
Silly girl. You obviously don’t appreciate enough or haven’t seen the real thing. ‘Course, it’s much better when you’re the cause of said erection – in that case, even *I’M* proud of my boyfriend’s erection. One glimpse of that and I’ll make him late for wherever he’s going.
LOL I remember a conversation I overheard between three guys. The first was complaining about his girlfriend, their relationship, his job and just how miserable is little life was toward the end he says “….Well at least I have in my erection! That I know is true!” The others chimed in, “Oh Yea”, “Absolutely” “You know it!” (some big manly sounds too), including all the high-fiving you could imagine. I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. These “men” are really just “boys”.
To this day…and I’m talking it’s been a good 10 years since that conversation, I’m still friends with one of the guys and he still just as proud today as he was then. It’s innate. And I’ve tired from trying to figure “it” out.
I just got this very same spam! Bless Laurent and his spamming brethren.
Spamalamadingdong.org? i so want in on that domain name
Taking the next step from N’s comment, surely it’s the cause of the erection, not its owner, who is most entitled to take pride in what they can produce from a properly functioning circulatory system. Only right, therefore, that they should get pleasure from it. Hmmmmm … The Pride and the Pleasure, sounds like one of those 1970s films based on a Harold Robbins novel. Not a patch on sperms of endearment.
Taking the next step from N’s comment, surely it’s the cause of the erection, not its owner, who is most entitled to take pride in what they can produce from a properly functioning circulatory system. Only right, therefore, that they should get pleasure from it. Hmmmmm … The Pride and the Pleasure, sounds like one of those 1970s films based on a Harold Robbins novel. Not a patch on sperms of endearment.
Taking the next step from N’s comment, surely it’s the cause of the erection, not its owner, who is most entitled to take pride in what they can produce from a properly functioning circulatory system. Only right, therefore, that they should get pleasure from it. Hmmmmm … The Pride and the Pleasure, sounds like one of those 1970s films based on a Harold Robbins novel. Not a patch on sperms of endearment.
Some of those spam messages are hilarious! Maybe whoever wrote them refers to them as tam messages. Okay, that was a bad one :p
By the way, your blog title inspired my latest post. Thank you!
Hmm….is it bad that I totally want a big piece of the chest hair cake?
Fish, if you can only cut 1 piece of that Yummy Tom Selleck cake for yourself. what piece of him would you eat????
Oh lady, you really should take some interest in the size of “wangs”… I, too, thought nothing of the issue until one day I found myself dating someone who, when time came for me to see how well he was endowed, greatly disappointed. And I do mean disappointed. They say that size doesn’t matter as long as it gets the job done, but it wasn’t even big enough to function in coitus properly. In fact, it reminded me greatly of when I was younger and changed my cousin’s diaper. Needless to say, the dating didn’t last much longer and I’ve been cursed ever since with this fear of very tiny penises.. I pray you never have to experience what I had to.
When I read your post about the Tom Selleck purse with the “mustache”……I almost peed myself, my husband said Tom Selleck? His Mustache? EEwwww – I smacked him
Crazy crazy….
BTW – no women should ever waste her time trying to figure men out – they will never suceeed, same goes for men researching women.
I got this very e-mail this morning, HILARIOUS!!! I also got the slightly less humorous “Silence of the Loins”…HA!
My inner 13 year old boy is still laughing at the fact you used the word wang in your post title. It brings me back to fond memories of 16 Candles and Long Duck Dong. Stop yanking my wankie! Thanks for the flashback!
Delurking to weigh in on the discussion (keep it up, Heather!:) sorry, bad pun…) I’m sure if I had erections, I’d be proud of them… I mean, I’m pretty proud of my breasts, too, and I didn’t do anything to get them other than produce some hormones:)
And in case you need some more Tom action (can never have too much…though be warned, this does come with a side of the Hoff)
http://www.hairybaby.com/catalog/product_info.php/cPath/70/products_id/1360
To: Laurent
Subject: Sperms of Endearment
Sometimes it is magic. Believe me, if you’ve ever had to show your interest in say someone like Oprah, pre diet, where you couldn’t get it up with a crane, maybe you’d appreciate the prestidigitation involved. It helps to think about Jamie-Linn Sigler nude, for example.
this…this was funny