If I had bothered with Facebook status updates while I was away in Utah, you’d have noticed a strong central theme developing around Oreo consumption. But updating was out of the question as I was just far too busy eating chocolate sandwich cookies and rolling around on the carpet with my stupidly cute nephew to find time to share the joy of my gluttony and sloth. I wish you could all see my nephew do The Worm. Soon it will evolve into actual crawling, but right now it’s more like break dancing and it is a sight to behold. So is the room full of adults (many of whom witnessed the live telecast of the first moon landing) oohing and aahing and clapping as though it were truly the most amazing thing we’ve ever seen.
The weekend wasn’t all laziness. The Dork Lord and I did take a seven mile walk/hike in the mist – a charming little mist which turned into a slightly less charming downpour at mile three and again at mile five. We walked the last third of our journey with soggy shoes, hitching up our waterlogged pants when our belts finally admitted defeat. It was awesome. But of course, hiking makes you hungry and that brings us back to the Oreos.
The Boy, as predicted, got along so well – so naturally – with my family, it felt as though there had always been a spot for him in our brood. Like, the corner piece of a giant floor puzzle that ended up beneath the sofa, discovered on accident much later. “Oh, there you are!” That’s how I’ve always felt about him – like he was around here somewhere and as soon as I spotted him, I just knew he’d fit right into that empty space. Spending time with my father was somewhat anticlimactic, as my dad did what he always does in the face of new and possibly uncomfortable situations. He didn’t show up. Missed graduation entirely. The details aren’t important, but when it comes to choosing between understanding his shortcomings and being pissed off, I’ve gone with pissed off. It feels right.
I’m sorry your dad is who he is. But that’s kind of the thing, isn’t it? He is who he is, and unfortunately it’s our expectations and hopes that they can behave like the parent we WISH they were that bring us such disappointment. Doesn’t make it less sad, but might provide a little protection for next time.
Fish, I don’t comment often, but sometimes you hit the nail on the head. Dads: can’t live with ‘em, wouldn’t be here without ‘em.
There are so many parenting blogs about the challenges of raising kids, is there one out there about having been raised by someone challenging? There have to be more than the two of us out there who are the “adult” in the relationship with their parent. If not, lets start one.
Sounds like a lovely weekend, Fish. Good for you!
Sorry about Dad. That just sucks. I’d be pretty pissed-off too.
I’m hoping though, that the majority of your memories from this weekend are fun-loving, silly, free and chocolately-delicious!
(Funny… After months of staying away from cookies, I actually picked up a package of Double-stuffed Oreos this weekend. Took me almost twenty minutes to decide too… Oreos’ won..hands down.
LOL.)
I haven’t commented in a long, long, long time… but I love your description of how the Dork Lord was the missing puzzle piece that fits perfectly in your life. I know it’s overly intrusive, but I wish we could see a picture of you guys together. I know it’s too much. But I had to say it.
Hi Fish, I just wanted to let you know that I intend to quote you when I speak to my mother about why I have chosen (again) not to have my father in my life…
“when it comes to choosing between understanding his shortcomings and being pissed off, I’ve gone with pissed off. It feels right.”
That is exactly how I feel and I am tired of feeling guilty about it!!
I read a lot more than I comment but your post really hit something. I think it’s wonderful that the Dork Lord fit in with the fam. SO sorry your dad couldn’t show up to see how happy you must have been. Pissed off is the exact right emotion.
I can see why you are pissed off and I admire your honesty. Oreos are a great way to blow off a little steam, although I tend to break out in pimples everytime I hit the cookie jar. Blogging is another great way to release those negative emotions and its good to share as it will resonate with lots of others out there. I always say, “Never judge your insides by other people’s outsides”. Your honesty is an authentic leveller.
Looking back, it seems three packs of Oreos wasn’t nearly enough.
Fish – I’m so happy you’ve found your missing puzzle piece. I’m glad you are enjoying every minute of it and it sounds like you don’t take any of it for granted.
Also, my father in law didn’t go to our wedding. I know how you feel, 100%. And for that, I am sorry, but know you’re not alone. My friend once reminded me that our image of perfect families and in-laws come from the movies – BBQs together, joint vacations, etc. But they are just that, a fantasy and not real life.
I’m proud of you for taking the good with the bad. Thanks for the great post!
Fish – I’ve been a fan of yours for a long time. Bookmarked you right away and added you to my own blogroll. Sometimes I feel like your life is perfect – or perfectly imperfect as it may be. Men are strange creatures, especially men we look to for the fathers who are supposed to walk us down the aisle when we find our puzzle piece. I’m hoping he was parylized by his overwhelming love for you and his inability to let his little girl go that kept him away and not a selfishly created obstacle. I understand the anger. It’s painful – but good for you for being angry. He deserves that.
Oh, Fish-I just think (yet again) you’ve articulated a situation that so many of us face better than we could ourselves.
And I read the family daram we all can empathize with, and take away: there’s a dork lord for all of us.
Cheers to you and the missing piece!
Sometimes, the way you describe The Dork Lord as your missing puzzle peice…. well it makes me think maybe I’m with the wrong guy.
Aw, I’m sorry. I remember that feeling very well.
What a breathtakingly well-written and enchanting piece. I so love and miss you, and am so so happy about the dork lord boy. How irritating about your dad. Disappointment sucks. xo
What a breathtakingly well-written and enchanting piece. I so love and miss you, and am so so happy about the dork lord boy. How irritating about your dad. Disappointment sucks. xo
Sweet Lord I spelled piece wrong.
Obviously I’m all kinds of a mess.
Must be time for some personal reflection.
American Oreos taste much better than Canadian Oreos. I don’t know why. AND I forgot to buy some when I was in NYC this weekend! Damn you stupid wedding shenanigans. Damn you post-wedding shenanigans hangover.
sometimes i think dads are here to make us appreciate the dark lords that wander into our lives….
I am a regular reader of your site and would just like to say thank you! I have even been inspired to start my own blog.