1. I hate goat cheese. Like, really a whole lot. I will wipe my tongue off with a napkin if I have to.
2. I have a weakness for standing too long in front of the mirror and “inspecting” my complexion. The outcome is never good.
3. Any time sports announcers say, “penetration” I laugh. They’re talking basketball. I’m being twelve.
4. I’m pretty darn good at telling time with the sun. Take that, Dundee!
5. I have a morbid fixation with the Crime section of the news.
6. Going barefoot makes me really happy. Buying shoes does, too. I know. I’m so complex.
7. I don’t like being drunk. I used to – oh, how I used to – but I don’t anymore and I have no idea why. Okay, yes I do. Control issues. There, are you happy?
8. I have a pretty sick affinity for the ABC Family channel.
9. I can never find my keys. They are almost always in my purse.
10. I worry that crazy is genetic.
11. My boyfriend is taking college classes and it makes me a little bit jealous. What I wouldn’t give for a do-over.
12. I wish I lived closer to my siblings.
13. I often get Color Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex You Up” stuck in my head. Tick tock, get up, stop, stop…
14. I owe the government a whole lot of money. I am *this* close to paying it off.
15. I do not care what you say. Tom Selleck is still damn sexy. He was damn sexy in his little Magnum PI jogging shorts and he will be a damn sexy corpse.
16. I will order any dish that contains artichoke hearts, capers or strawberries, regardless of what else is in it (notable exception: goat cheese. See #1).
17. I strongly believe that texting and driving is irresponsible. Period.
18. I get sick a lot. In fact, I’m sick right now. Shocker.
19. I’m clumsy.
20. Fewer phrases irritate me more than, “That’s gay.” Do you mean, that’s homosexual or do you mean that’s stupid? Because they are not the same thing. Holy soapbox, Batman. Don’t get me going.
21. Mac n’ Cheese in the blue box. Omm nom nom.
22. I don’t care for U2 or Dave Matthews Band.
23. I would happily live off the free ice cream cones from Jason’s Deli.
24. I am pretty much always cold.
25. I love spreadsheets.
26. The older I get, the more scared I am of accidental pregnancy. Because I’d have to keep it.
27. ZOMG hate (HATE!) the sound of balloons popping.
28. I’m irrationally offended by the overuse of punctuation. One exclamation point will do. Unless you are on fire.
29. I would have made a really shitty pioneer.
30. I will never Tweet. Or whatever the hell it is kids are doing these days.
31. Bright blue skies with white clouds invariably make me hum The Simpsons theme.
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wow, um… potentially separated at birth? except i like goat cheese. but the rest is sort of terrifyingly close.
Wonderful list, especially #26. So true.
Happy Birthday!
I am on fire!!!!!!
I understand the goats cheese thing, the complexion thing, the penetration thing, the sibling thing, the clumsy thing, the ‘that’s gay’ thing, the preggers thing, and I just altogether hate balloons. The hating of balloons thing has come on latterly, and I could not tell you why.
I completely and totally agree with 15 and 17.
I love ABC Family too. Have you gotten into Make It Or Break It? The intro is terrible, but the show is actually pretty good.
Maybe this is TMI for a blog comment and if you pre-screen these Heather, definitely feel free not to post.
I am 35 and dealing with an accidental pregnancy right now and am very sad, because in other circumstances I would love to have a child. (I hadn’t thought I could get pregnant, and I won’t be keeping it, mostly for medical reasons – I have several chronic conditions which would not be good for me or a baby). As I have been going online to find out more information it’s very sad how some people judge without having more information. I have definitely learned to be less judgemental the older I get and hope that continues. Things happen that you never expect and previously may have thought you would never do you find yourself doing.
Anyway, thanks for your list and all your other posts, your writing always makes me smile, laugh, sigh with envy (good not bad), etc.
I HATE when people say “That’s gay!” So you better leave some room for me on that soapbox.
And I just found a Jason’s Deli here in CA and I’m in love. OMG, I’m so in love.
And about the accidental pregnancy comment… I just had a baby (on purpose) two months ago, but we’ve already had a pregnancy scare. Oh good lord, can you imagine TWO babies under the age of one?! That’s NOT happening.
Sigh! I guess this means we will never be best friends forever!
Nice list, though.
Amen on the that’s so gay.
If you see someone dancing stupidly, that’s not gay. If you catch your boyfriend watching Hello Dolly, on the other hand ….
(I kid, I kid)
I think Twitter’s almost over now that Oprah’s stopped. Not a minute too soon. Love the nom nom, btw!
i got pregnant on birth control. i was 29. and although i wanted to slit my wrists when it happened, i kinda like her now.
Wait. A boyfriend? How fricking long has it been since I read you? Sheesh. Now I gotta go back and catch up. Double U. T. F.
and happy, happy b-day.
TomT
This just made me laugh out loud! Thanks, Red.
I am SO guilty of #28. I’ve been working on that.
Love ya fish! And as for Twitter, I think @thisfish is taken.
i think it’s kind of funny that ads for intense satisfaction k-y lab run right next to this post. because, you know, i’m 12 like that
Number 26 seriously hits home, haha. I’m 27, married for two years and I STILL freak the holy hell out every 28 days. We can barely deal with the PUPPY for christ sake.
OHMYGODILOVETHATSONG!!! Frig, it’s in my head now too.
And I LOVE spreadsheets too! Meanwhile, I think I would be okay with the accidental pregnancy (not that it’s going to happen – Grey’s sperm are extinct) but I’m surprised to hear it scares you because you love babies and you’d be an phenomenomenomenal mommy and it would all just be okay. Nay, it would be great.
I hate you just a little bit right now… *re-reads #13*
Mah heds! Iz in it!
Blah! The one, ONE thing I absolutely cannot eat = capers. Anything else but those evil little green pods of ant-tasting nastiness.
Re: #28
Mentions of punctuation + fire automatically make me think of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqQ6Z-HmAqY
#26 made me laugh, but maybe shouldn’t have ??? It wouldn’t be all that bad if you kept IT
They’re fun!
Happy Birthday!
I am quite certain that I will be singing I Wanna Sex You Up all day. (Since I work in a busy office I will stick to singing it in my head.)
Great list! I’m totally with you on 6, 19, 25, 26 and 31! Will you still order something with strawberries if they are in that gooey syrup?
“The older I get, the more scared I am of accidental pregnancy. Because I’d have to keep it.”
The other day, thanks to an unflattering flowy top, I had two people ask if I was expecting. And I thought exactly what you wrote. If I was, I’d keep it. And then I needed a stiff drink.
Get out of my brain and stop stealing my thoughts. Seriously.
Unless feta counts as goat cheese. I know its made from goats milk but it is not really marketed as “goat cheese” the way chevre is. Hmmmm…
Amen to #30. I just don’t get it and don’t want to.
#1, 16, and 30 made me internet-love you even more.
Damn the Twitter. Damn it!
A salad with strawberries, arugula, artichoke hearts and capers sounds fab right now. Toss in some white beans!
Holy crap! You called it on the kid-thing. I’ve been obsessed with watching MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” and all I have to say is that it definitely scared me straight and I’m almost 30!
happy birthday.
great list. completely agree with most of it, especially #26.
I just have one small question.. and it doesn’t really have anything to do with this post at all.
Under your About Me section, it stills says you’re single.
Single as in not married?
Or single as in you just haven’t bothered to change it?
It’s not as though it really matters either way.
I’m procrastinating and it made me curious.
You love spreadsheets? That really made me laugh. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone profess love for spreadsheets before.
Always cold and sick a lot? Have you been checked for anemia? I had a friend that was this way for years, I kept asking if she was anemic. She said the docs had done a bunch of blood work but nothing. Finally they announced she was anemic, turns out they had never checked that will all the blood work. She isn’t cold now and rarely sick.
This is a great list
I’m pretty sure crazy is genetic–at least some kinds, like the ones in my family. So far so good with me.
I’m often sick and always cold as well. I’ve been remarkably healthy though recently.
I LOL’d at the “unless you are on fire” reference. Please tell me you know Eddie Izzard. Bc then I’d like you even more.
I’m with you on the “that’s so gay”
Jason’s Deli has free ice cream!? [goes to their website to investigate now]
send me all the goats cheese! Love it
(And feta is sheep’s milk)
About the sibling thing… How far apart in spacing are your from your sibs? We’re talking about having number two and trying to find a spacing that is good for them but won’t drive us nuts. You’re one of five…any suggestions from you or your mom. (I’m an only so this sib thing is new to me.)We’d like them to be close as it sounds like you are with your sibs.
BTW, the accidential pregnancy thing. Best thing to happen in your life. Scary as all hell and a massive change, but I guarantee you best thing EVER. And you thought meeting this boyfriend was the most awesome person. Just wait until you meet your child for the first time!
I love spreadsheets and office supplies make me swoon
Crazy is definitely genetic. But in a mad world, only the mad are sane, so you’re doing fine…
I’d rather have the do-over card than the Fountain of Youth. Besides, youth could be part of the do-over deal depending which package was chosen.
My fiance and I have to speed-walk past the boardwalk game in which you shoot water in the clown’s mouth to fill and pop the balloon. If popping appears imminent, we jog. It’s one of his cuter quirks
Ya know, I will have to banish you to the tower or the dungeon if you take my Queen Klutz crown. We will have to have tea in the Grand Room to discuss recent crimes in our areas.
Local police are close to cracking the case of the Mesa murders, where 10 bodies, 1 fetus were found. The 10 bodies all were women, some of the identified were reported missing and had engaged in prostitution and drugs. These bodies were found when a construction company began clearing the acreage to build a subdivision of homes. The case was shown on America’s Most Wanted.
Don’t move to the Southwest where we average 265+ days of bright blue skies with plenty of billowy clouds.