I don’t really buy into causes. I think it’s because, on a day-to-day, choice-by-choice basis, I try really hard to do The Right Thing and stubbornly expect other folks should be doing the same. And, it follows, if we’re all doing that – being good – we shouldn’t need causes. How d’ya like that logic?
Mostly, though, causes are just really annoying. Pit-marked by tunnel vision and awkward, naive passion not wholly unlike the post-adolescent variety that made you wail Indigo Girls lyrics into the dashboard of your parents’ American made auto (don’t say you didn’t), causes can be really exhausting and frankly, a bit embarrassing, for anybody who happens to be stuck in the passenger seat.
I mean, god love ya for all your feelings, but shut up already.
When I say I try really hard to do The Right Thing, I mean, I’m still a gigantic mess of a human being who makes mistakes and, if we’re being honest here,
- is not very good at recycling outside of the office
- uses paper products instead of a towel or sponge too often
- does not check the label before buying things made in China
- manages to leave her reusable shopping bags at home on shopping day like, 93% of the time
Among other things (oh, the glorious spectrum that is my imperfection).
What’s more, my motivation for doing The Right Thing doesn’t have as much to do with the greater good as it does a fear of consequences. Simply, doing The Right Thing means I’m not doing The Wrong Thing. And for me, there’s a lot of safety in that kind of validation.
An exception, interestingly enough, is that when it comes to animals, children, anybody or anything vulnerable or weak, my motivation is born of what I can only describe as a feeling of empathy so intense it borders on grief. I become consumed and overwhelmed by it.
I didn’t need to pay a professional to tell me why I am wired like this, but I did anyway. For validation, you see.
Empathy is why, after watching Food Inc., we don’t buy mass-market chicken, eggs, beef or any other livestock who has been subjected to the kinds of conditions that the folks at Tyson, et al, raise them in. I have no problem eating animals. But now that I know there’s a choice, I want them to have as close to a Little House on the Prairie existence as possible before it’s time for, you know, the dying. The images from that movie are burned into my brain, and probably burned into my husband’s brain is the memory of me, sitting on the couch, sobbing about how those poor chickens felt never going outside like chickens are supposed to. Think of how they feeeeeel. Not exactly the point of the film, I’m guessing.
Illogical hyper-empathy is also why, in the middle of a rainstorm, I will climb out of bed during the dead of night to build a cat fort out of painter’s tarp on my back deck. Because I won’t sleep if somewhere within my realm of responsibility, there are sick, scared, hungry or cold creatures. I mean, wild animals out in the wild? The horror, I know.
In light of yesterday’s post, please add to the above-listed imperfections:
- does not include rats on the list of animals she is responsible for preserving
And empathy is why I turned to my Dork Lord last night and said, “We can’t buy cheap chocolate anymore.”
“Okay.”
“Like, no Hershey’s or Reese’s Pieces or anything.”
“How come?”
Because I read this.
I didn’t even know. And the image of some little boy straining every muscle in his legs to lift a bag of cocoa beans so that I can give myself a headache from too many M&Ms is nauseating. I didn’t know and now I do and I’m sad. And because I don’t want that kind of suffering on my head, I’m out. I’m bound to falter (moments of weakness most likely related to late work nights and vending machines) but I will just keep trying harder so that when I close my eyes at night, I can say that I did everything I could to not hurt anyone else that day and, perhaps, save the silly bursts of panic for the neighborhood ferals.
I’m not telling you what to do, and I won’t get all cause-y about it (a stirring rendition of Language or the Kiss, anyone?) but if you’d want to know about cheap chocolate and child slavery, you can go read about it, too.
Rage Against the Minivan link via Helen Jane‘s twitter.
This is awful! I had no idea, either.
When you said – “I will just keep trying harder so that when I close my eyes at night, I can say that I did everything I could to not hurt anyone else that day” – I wish more people were so kind. I strive to live my life this way, too.
Google anything about DeBeers and its monopoly and how diamonds really aren’t rare if you want to ruin them forever too.
Re: chocolate. I was so happy when I heard about this earlier this year that Lindt wasn’t included (I thought I was going to have to boycott all chocolate)
Thank you for writing this. I love fair trade chocolate, coffee and bananas, because when I eat or drink them, I feel like I’m actually doing something GOOD rather than all the crappy stuff that is arising out of other parts of my existence. My head explodes when I try to deal with all of the crappy stuff, but I can at least do something.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I have to be careful or I could become paralyzed with all the responsibilty I’ll take on for the suffering of others (I haven’t watched Food, Inc. and will not. I know the essence of what’s there and will have a breakdown if I have to watch it). So much we have no control over. And now this.
But I will do my best to make changes – I can, and have. One more won’t make a big difference to me, but I hope it will to those kids.
See, now I’m crying.
As horrible as this sounds, this is why I don’t ask questions when I don’t want the answer. Blissfully ignorant.
(But I do understand, 10 years vegetarian)
We buy Divine fair trade chocolate. I love all the milk chocolate versions (particularly the milk chocolate toffee crunch)and my dark-chocolate-loving friends vouch for their 70% dark chocolate bars. If you check out their website – look for the one with usa in their address or you might be disappointed when you get all set to buy a variety not available here in the states.
Full disclosure: They are one of my clients (I work in advertising) but I would promote them anyway. Green & Black’s chocolate is fair trade and also organic. It comes in 13 different flavors from 85% to peanut and sea salt (espresso is my absolute favorite).
Empathy and compassion are SO important. I’m like you, hyper-empathetic, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. You do what you can when you can to make a difference… it’s like Occupy Wall Street. It starts with a few, then slowly spreads and grows to many. The more of us that know the truth, the closer we push to the tipping point for change.
P.S. The stories about your adventures with stray kitties warm my heart.
I agree with Nicole (and I don’t work for them!) – green and blacks chocolate is great. I try and buy fairtrade whenever I can as it is so easy and can make a difference.
Re Rats – my darling cat brought one in to show me on Sunday morning… still alive! I will admit to screaming.
I can completely relate to your over-empathy gene, but some causes are not a direct result of people not doing the “right” thing. Cancer fundraising, for example. Do you not support those kind of causes?
You know what, not really. One, those caues are really nebulous. Do I want cancer to be cured? Yes, of course. Do I think most of the current fundraising will get us there? Not really. Because in a lot of cases, there’s irresponsibility in the management of the funds once they’re donated (charities have to be pretty transparent about their funds so if you pay attention to how much money goes to ‘overhead’ and how much goes to actual research, you won’t be happy) and to me, the lack of control over the outcome of my “good doing” is really irksome. I will give you my time, but unless I know how it’s being used (I mean, really KNOW), I will not give you my money.
I agree with you… 100%. Thanks for saying it out loud!
And that’s the way it should be Fish.
Full disclosure — I’ve worked for non-profits for 10 years now. I’ve seen the good and bad sides of them. There are tremendously worthwhile charities out there, and then there are lots that waste an atrocious amount of money. It’s in the donor’s best interest to vet their charities before signing a check.
As far as charities and causes in general, I’ve found that unless I have an emotional connection to whatever the charity is for, I won’t support it, no matter how worthwhile that cause is.
Unfortunately, boycotting the products of child labor doesn’t always those children. In fact, the more impoverished they are, the worse the boycott is, since outside opportunities are so limited.
I’ve lived in countries where child labor is very common, and it’s truly heartbreaking to realize that there really isn’t much that one can do to help. Kristof had a column about it a while ago:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/03/opinion/put-your-money-where-their-mouths-are.html?pagewanted=all
I agree, it is heartbreaking. But if I can’t help, at least I can remove myself from the equation and say, “I am no longer part of the reason this little boy has been sold into slavery.”
Being “causey” doesnt always mean being completely overzealous and in people’s faces about it. Having a cause can mean that you bring something to light that is often overlooked, either because people dont know or because its a topic that is sensitive and therefore people dont talk about it, which is exactly what you did by sharing the link in your post (which i think was fantastic as i had not seen that before)
As someone who works for a non-profit (water quality and habitat)and volunteers for a few others, I believe if we’re all trying, if we’re all (mostly) doing the best we can and are giving back to society in some form it will work out. Giving back can vary from helping out a neighbor, to taking in a cat, to restoring a river or righting a humanitarian injustice, as long as we’re all trying. All the little pieces add up.
This is also how I see it. I give to my local animal shelter, food pantry, women’s/children’s shelter because not only do I know that vast majority of my not so huge donation is going to direct benefit of population but also because I often know the people who run these various causes. Isn’t the catchphrase “think globally, act locally” or some such thing?
((backing away from the drawer of chocolate))
GAH! I had no idea.
OK, I know I’m going to sound like Scrooge or Mrs. Bumble or someone equally horrible, but …. kind of like the 2004 article cited above, I almost would rather spend my chocolate money where the efforts of those children will bring money into their households and give them food and shelter than, well, not spending it there.
I’m all for free trade and fair trade and everything, but a good dose of capitalism helps everybody, especially those in third-world countries (or worse).
I would hate to deprive them of the money those kids get from Nestle or whomever and perhaps push them into something far worse/more dangerous than hauling sacks of cocoa beans. It’s not like they can just go work at a Dairy Queen or someplace sane. I don’t want to support child slavery either, but I also don’t want to be part of the reason this little boy (or others like him) died of hunger or thirst because he had no work at all.
I guess my solution would be to do both: support the children in the products they help put into the stream of commerce while doing what I can elsewhere to help bring them better options.
I suspected but hadn’t looked for the evidence. I do however try to buy fair trade where possible, though, like yourself I suffer from lapses, usually involving travel with the job and no where to buy decent food ( I travel to some grim places).
And then there is the “what is better?” question. And think the answer has to be that the companies in question have to consider the working conditions and morality of what they do, and come up with a better way forward – providing education as well as work perhaps? Better pay? Better conditions? If a boycott makes them confront this, then so much the better.
Thanks for linking! It’s amazing (horrifying) what our purchases are funding when you peel back the layers. I just started researching sweatshops . . . goodbye most of my favorite brands.
i sort of knew about this, but i didn’t know or look for details, so i had put it out of my mind; however, my sister recently got into fair-trade chocolate and has seen “the dark side of chocolate,” a documentary about the child slaves. since then, i’ve tried my best to switch, though i have also had a few lapses. i really like both green & black and divine bars. i also have dagoba brand cocoa powder for baking.
i’m also lucky in that there is a ten thousand villages store within walking distance, so i have access to lots of fair trade items.
also, i’ve been vegetarian for 17 years & am slowly moving towards vegan, though i don’t think i’ll ever fully give up cheese.
Fish, I think you are my sister I never had. I have an overabundance of cats (not quite to crazy cat lady status – yet) and now have a couple outdoor cats too that have adopted us. We just had a nasty storm two weekends ago and I went out in it to try and make them a dry, safe place to go. I do what I can to do the right thing on a day to day basis which means trying to buy what I call “happy” meat when I eat meat, recycling, and other little things. So keep going with the cat stories and doing what you can to make the world a little better.
Damn it. No more Hershey bars with almonds. Please don’t tell me Guinness is made with hops from Bangladesh or something.
And we recently adopted a rescue dog from a crual owner through the SPCA. Give thm a dollar next time you’re worried.
Well damn. That is going to put a serious crimp in my ability to self medicate.