It’s here.

And it’s glorious.

OMG. Kids, Christmas is almost here.

You guys are so wonderful. Time and again you blow me away with your generosity. To those of you who have offered your beautiful dresses, you can’t know how deeply that touches me. Especially those who thought there was even the slightest possibility I could fit into a single-digit dress size. God love ya.  Okay, maybe I’d make it into an 8 with some Spanx and a Gone with the Wind corseting – but when I tell you I have made zero effort to skinny-up for this event, it’s no joke.

My mother even offered to buy me a dress – and hooboy, that caused an even BIGGER meltdown. The idea of standing in front of three-way mirror in bad lighting, feeling squishy and pale while I try to make my body fit into a stranger’s idea of how a woman’s body should be shaped – holy cow, I’d rather prance around my new workplace in a bikini.

In brief, the wedding dress status is: the folks at the shop in London who had the fabric special ordered for me are going to send remnants and my seamstress is going to figure out how to make a dress out of them. My original order was for 7 meters; they had 10 made. So the left over 3, plus the few they had on the original bolt in their store will be sent via DHL tomorrow (it’s a holiday today in the UK) and arrive Thursday.  IT WILL. I’m willing it to.

I’m going to answer every one of your emails, I swear – just give me until the middle of the week. Tonight is our last night in the house before the floors get done and even after I spent thirty-six hours working on that time suck of a house this weekend, buckets of chemical stripper and the four of us scraping and scraping and scraping, the task is still not quite finished. I can barely hold a pen, my hands are so sore. It will be worth it though, right? Of course right.

The US Postal Service has informed us that due to ‘a glitch,’ 600 packages were returned to sender.

Mine was one of them.

Weeks of waiting and hundreds of dollars and I will be wearing something from my closet.

My wedding dress fabric was shipped from London three weeks ago.

It arrived in Dallas one week ago.

It has since disappeared.

The fine people at the US Postal Service have hung up on my fiance and failed to provide any information in addition to what we can see on the tracking screen.

It’s four weeks until the wedding and I don’t have a dress. Moreover, I’ve spent far more money than I planned ordering fabric that will likely never show up so buying something to take its place is not an option.

I’m going to lose my mind.