Why does Heather get to have all the fun? I never get to scrub pet stains out of totally gnarly apartment carpet!

I know, I know, but life just isn’t fair.

This is further proof, I say, that my life is perfect for reality programming. It’ll be like Keeping up with the Kardashians only with way more housekeeping, fewer names that begin with K and approximately the same amount of backside.

Which is all to say, lordy, I hope your weekend is going to be much more thrilling than mine. I’m afraid mine will reach its apex at putting a check mark next to “Buy New Brita” on my to-do list. Whatever. Domesticity suits me.

Speaking of. My mom called me yesterday afternoon from the middle of the forest. She and StepBob are on three-week hike along the John Miur trail in California. Just checking in, she said. They’ve seen bears and deer and oh, having such a nice time but they’re so dirty. And for a while, I was kind of jealous. I dig the outdoors and hiking and bears. But last night when I climbed out of the shower, slid into fresh PJs and then into a bed that was not made out of something I rolled out on a piece of ground, the selection of which was determined by pine cone population and relative dampness. Then suddenly, I wasn’t jealous anymore. Like I said, domesticity suits me. It comes with a down comforter and a coffee maker.

Like this morning, under LATEST NEWS, I read something like, Teresa Guidice files for bankruptcy. And I thought, “Aw, that’s too bad,” followed by, “Who’s Teresa Guidice?” The answer: Just another person who spent more money than they had. Like my dad. He filed for bankruptcy a few years ago, but I guess since he doesn’t get into too many cat fights on camera, it didn’t really make the news circuit outside of our family.

Dear CNN,

People Magazine headlines are. not. news.

Love and hugs and stuff,

Heather

You guys were super champs at the whole make-up thing; I thank you. There’s a general consensus about the greatness that is Bare Minerals (exclamation point, exclamation point) but I have also read many warnings about its shortcomings in photos. This will require further research and experimentation. Now, if you could only help me find the *perfect* MacBook sleeve (thirteen inches, please. Slim but protective) or a garment steamer (mine up and died and I am fresh out of trust for electronic gadget companies) or ballet pink peep toe heels with a bow on the back (that’s not too specific, right?).

I totally get why people hire personal shoppers, now. To quote the mean, rich chick (and SJP’s arch nemesis) from Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, “Decisions are the worst!”

Ladies (and Eddie), I need new make up. I’m mostly a tinted moisturizer kind of girl, but sometimes I want to get all gussied up, go all out and that’s where the trial and error comes in. The results haven’t been pretty. I started by googling this and then realized that you all are MUCH better at this sort of thing than the Interwebs at large. Also, I can generally trust that you’re not some cosmetics company’s hired gun out there makin’ up fake reviews. So. Tell me about a foundation that you just love, love, love. Nothing heavy; I can’t deal. Oh, and it has to photograph well (see, there is this wedding thing coming up and I don’t want to look like a ghost in those pictures). I don’t mind spending a little bit for a really nice product because, like I said, I definitely don’t go full face make up all that often.

Help a girl out?

Like Saturday. I said, Hey, I’ll go through all this paperwork I’ve accumulated and organize my filing cabinet right quick. Right. Quick. Did I not think I was going to read and reread everything before making the agonizing decision of whether or not to keep a receipt for a PDA I don’t even own anymore? Silly girl. A few hours and more than a few paper cuts later, I had a pristine filing cabinet and a totally lost afternoon.

And like last night. After an eleven hour work day, I came home to make a quick dinner (breakfast for dinner – it’s the meal that feels like playing hooky) so His Dorkiness could go up to the college to take a math test. Dinner was scarfed and tidied up by 7PM and I thought, Hey, that’s great! I’ll spend an hour (it should only take an hour, right?) on Task in the First: Organizing My Office Closet and then crawl into bed to rot my brain on the Interwebs.

Notsomuch.

At 10:30, when I finally took the last bundle of crap down to the dumpster, walked the dog and washed the dust off my face, the day was o-v-e-r. Hal was posted on the bathroom counter playing Taps on a tiny bugle. We get up at 5:20, you see.

Tonight’s task involves sorting through my bathroom cupboards and drawers for old cosmetics and hair product, so uh, it’s not likely I’m going to be communing with the computer because I know there’s bound to be an incident with a set of hot rollers. They’ll work this time, I swear.

Anyway, if I’m not mistaken, around birthday time every year, we get real interactive here and do a Q&A. You get to ask me all the things I avoid addressing in daily posts and I either answer them or cause a mighty distraction (is that a rabbit over there?) and keep on with the avoiding thing.

Topics to avoid: that whole New York musician thing, the baby jesus (that seems to get folks riled up) and the spattering of varicose veins I discovered this morning because, wow is it going to take a while before I’m zen about that.

Have at it!