stop me

July 8th, 2003

H: You there?
Inner Goddess: Of course. I’m always here.
H: You’ve been awfully quiet. No nagging, no comments about my weight, no snide comments about men… I was beginning to worry.
IG: And so you should.
H: What do you mean?
IG: You know exactly what I mean. How’s the deep end, sister? Cause that’s exactly where you’ve landed yourself.
H: I… uh… What?! But I did exactly what you wanted me to — I got rid of J! I stopped pining! I got on with my life.
IG: If by getting on with your life you mean making a total lush of yourself and acting like an ass in public then yes, honey, you have. Congratulations. Instead of being one man’s fool, you’re the world’s fool. That’s quite an accomplishment.
H: You’re so wrong.
IG: Just like C was so wrong when he called you on your tarty behavior on Saturday night?
H: Exactly.
IG: Right then. If he was so wrong, why’d you get so upset? You hardly recognize yourself these days. Admit it.
H: Well, sure, I’ve put on some weight. I have been a bit careless about things, but…
IG: I’m not talking about the extra 15 lbs. Let’s get metaphorical here, shall we?
H: Actually, no, let’s not. I don’t think I want to have this conversation right now.
IG: You don’t want my help then? You see, this is why I haven’t spoken up sooner. You seem hell-bent on making some sort of statement with your Post-J Bimbo Routine. Why should I stop you?
H: I, uh…
IG: You know where to find me when you decide to be realistic about this. Okay? So, talk to you later. Oh, and really, please clean your room.

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9 comments to stop me

  • Ben
    July 8, 2003 at 8:39 PM

    Damn, that inner goddess is such an uppity cow. Why don’t you tell her where to get off, ditch the bitch and hang out with your real friends?!

    Or you could put a hit on her. More expensive, but you avoid the likelihood of a public slagging match.

  • Kristín
    July 8, 2003 at 11:13 PM

    The revenge of the Inner Goddess, huh? Inner bitches can be such hell – good luck with dealing with yours.

  • michybrit
    July 8, 2003 at 11:55 PM

    Wow… everyone should have an inner goddess who tells it to us straight. It’s the ones with a pushover inner goddess that lose it.

  • alt31
    July 9, 2003 at 12:15 AM

    bollocks! your inner goddess is just being a bitch – you’re doing great!

  • Jason
    July 9, 2003 at 5:00 AM

    Great post. Introspection is so important. Either IG is right or she isn’t, but the main thing is that you’re asking the questions. Nicely done.

  • Katherine
    July 9, 2003 at 5:18 AM

    Playing ‘knock-knock who’s there’ is a dangerous game with everywoman’s Inner Goddess. Let’s just call her PANDORA. You’re a smart and clever cookie, Fish. You could write forever and long long columns and I’d be even happier! hint hint hint.

  • Dang Olden
    July 9, 2003 at 5:19 AM

    you and your inner goddess should go on double dates.

  • Texas T-bone
    July 9, 2003 at 2:24 PM

    Clean your room, indeed! I think most of us could use a good house-cleaning now and then.

  • TheYeti
    July 9, 2003 at 3:46 PM

    I like the Inner Goddess. She doing anything Thursday? My inner Yeti wouldn’t mind taking her out and of course you could use a night off from her.

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