and now i have something to say

In the morning, while we’re getting ready for work, my and I husband listen to The Ticket – a sports radio station here in Dallas. The morning show, Dunham and Miller, ranges from sports chitchat to celebrity birthdays to news tidbits.

In general, I like sports radio. In general. But every so often, this show in particular crosses a line that gets my hackles up.  The ever-so-patronizing Women Say the Darndest Things About Sports segment, for instance, or more recently, the post-Grammy reference to Adele’s lineage as possible “chimney sweeps” because of her accent. But today. Today was not sexist or narrow-minded or crass. It was soulless.

It was beyond the pale, as Kimberly said.

Elizabeth Smart (who you remember was kidnapped at 14, raped and abused by a man who had taken her as his ‘wife’ before she was miraculously discovered wandering the streets nine months later and who went on to become a victims’ advocate) married over the weekend. Mazel tov!

The show’s host congratulated Smart on her “second marriage.”

I was stunned. In part, because the banter kept going without anyone pausing to say, “Whoa, man, that’s wrong,” like was done moments later when another voice piped in to question what kind of “baggage” a girl like “Lizzie Smart” must bring to a marriage. Frankly, I was stunned that someone could muster the bile to say that in the first place.

A million angry bubbles formed in my chest. Second marriage. Just like that. Like it’s Kim Kardashian we’re talking about and not a survivor of rape and systematic torture. The glibness of his comment, made from where he sits, behind a microphone, safe in the statistical unlikelihood that something bad (actually really bad – not like a scare at the dermatologist’s office) will ever happen to him, well, it makes me shake my head.

Because it’s disgusting. Arrogant and ignorant.

And just in case it needs to be said in regard to “Lizzie Smart” and her “baggage,” the statistics currently go a little something like this:

One in Four college women report surviving rape (15 percent) or attempted rape (12 percent) since their fourteenth birthday. And the lack of respectful dialogue about victims means that many, many more go unreported. You know what that says? It says Elizabeth Smart is not the only one bringing something heavy with her to a marriage. She may be in company with, say, the wife, daughter, niece or sister of a clueless sports radio personality.

31 comments to and now i have something to say

  • Have you blasted the radio’s website with comments yet? I’ll help.

    • thisfish

      The problem with ignorant people is that, even when you show them the truth, they can’t recognize it. Which is to say, I didn’t bother.

      • Kate

        Maybe they can’t, but their boss might.

        • Ginger

          Anyone want to enlighten them?

          Program Director: jeff.catlin@cumulus.com

          • RzDrms

            I wish every one of Fish’s readers would e-mail him. Heck, I wish *half* of us would. He needs to know how disappointingly horrible those comments were.

          • thisfish

            No need. I wrote and got a response. Hopefully, there will be an update soon.

          • RzDrms

            I’m still glad I (respectfully) wrote to him.

          • thisfish

            I dunno… if you didn’t hear the broadcast, it sorta just makes it hearsay. I’ll let you know what I hear from the radio station. They were very prompt to respond and say they would look into it.

          • Miri

            I wrote and got this response:

            Yesterday? I didn’t hear it myself, what exactly did they say and who said it?

            Thanks

            Jeff Catlin
            Program Director
            Sportsradio 1310 The Ticket
            Operations Manager, Cumulus Media Dallas
            99.5 The Wolf, 570 KLIF, i93.3, WBAP 820, 96.3 KSCS
            214-526-7400

          • thisfish

            This is the response I got:

            Thanks Heather- I saw your blog. I have not had a chance to go back and review the segment and the comments myself. I did not hear them live yesterday.

            Before I respond to your email, or address this with the guys, I need to hear it.

            I appreciate where you are coming from–
            thanks for the note
            Jeff Catlin

            Just waiting for him to hear it and what he has to say about it.

  • Breeza

    I wouldn’t listen to that horrible station ever again. What a crude, insensitive pig to say that.

  • Were this different subject matter, I’d be wildly thrilled to be quoted on your site. As it stands, it’s gross that the original comment was ever said and much less has to be refuted. Sports media really hit some low points this week, beginning with “Chink in the Armor” and now this.

  • What classless morons! So, is your husband continuing to listen to these guys?

  • Lori

    If you are interested, I found this website that is helping people who have been victims of sexual abuse…projectunbreakable.tumblr.com. Please share if you think your readers would benefit.

  • Jessi

    That’s freaking disgusting. There’s a special circle of hell for people like that. SO tasteless.

  • Michael

    I saw a link on The Stir website that said “More Details about Elizabeth Smart’s Wedding” and at first I thought it was Elizabeth Banks but the picture didn’t match so I had to take a second to remember who she was – and then I thought about the “fame” phenomenon for…victims, survivors (Baby Jessica); people who were *thrust* into the spotlight instead of jumping for it. Is it right that The Stir is focusing on her and writing about it? I mean, on the one hand, yes, let’s celebrate her happiness and moving on; but on the other hand: “more details??” Why isn’t it just one line and a note about hope in a world where dark things can happen to a person?

    Any thoughts?

  • Dana

    I am almost compelled to write to the station manager myself. I don’t know how you haven’t submitted a piercing complaint already!

  • Andrea

    My boyfriend listens to a morning show on satellite radio (of the Howard Stern variety, but I don’t think it’s Howard Stern), and some of the things they come out with are unreal. I understand that it’s all about the ratings, but isn’t there room for a little human decency?

    • Andrea – On Satellite most FCC laws that govern terrestrial radio do not count. So they get away with saying more outrageous things, like AMC gets away with people saying “shit” on “The Walking Dead,” because it’s cable. When you pay for a service you’re basically giving them permission to go outside the guidelines that publicly available / free broadcast is held to.

      As far as the content though, I hate shock jocks, I hate these kinds of shows, they make the rest of us radio folks look bad and on top of that it’s just cheap entertainment. If you have to insult someone else to be funny, you’re not funny or creative, you’re just a jerk.

  • Anne

    I couldn’t agree more. I think that despite whatever thoughts/feelings those that are ignorant enough to speak such insanity could use a good dose of your reality. I think you should forward what you stated above to Dunham and Miller’s management. I believe someone, somewhere, may have a brain cell.

  • As a radio person I am horrified. And yes you SHOULD complain. I know it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it but I’ll tell you as a programmer, his boss WILL take this very seriously. If enough people complain he may be suspended. Or at very least have to pay a fine. It is the program directors job to keep his/her talent in line but sometimes comments slip through the cracks. If this really offended you (and it offended me so I’m not saying you’re wrong if it did) you need to complain. Please.

    Too often these shock jock assholes get away with saying whatever because they make money for a company. I’m all for free speech but what these douches don’t realize is they’re tainting our industry and making the general public see all radio people as sleezebags, when I assure you we’re not.

  • That’s just horrible. The thought that anyone could say something like that is just so wrong. And that no one else on the show called him on it? Every bit as wrong. Please do send a complaint to the station manager – they need to hear about it.

  • Just wanted to thank you for sharing this and putting it out there. I completely agree – that is entirely thoughtless and disgusting.

  • Mrs. M

    Disgusting. Elizabeth smart is a brave young woman and a survivor. She deserves respect.

  • Jane

    If you write a letter, on paper, to the station, they HAVE to keep it on file for at least a year (FCC rules). I recommend doing this and following up with a letter to the editor of the Morning News.

  • I sent news tips about this to the 2 major Salt Lake City newspapers, since that’s where Elizabeth Smart is from. This is too much to ignore, even if it was a lame attempt at humor.

    The Jaycee Dugard kidnapping also happened not far from my area, & that’s likely what would have happened to Elizabeth Smart, if she had not been rescued when she was.

  • J

    Current stats: 1 in 4 female and 1 in 6 males will experience some type of sexual assault or abuse before the age of 18.
    People tend to forget the male stat. And, this is usually at the hands of someone known to the victim- coach, uncle, sibling, parent, aunt, etc.- not as often is it from a stranger.
    Chilling if you REALLY think about it.

  • E

    As someone whose story took years to surface, I am lucky to never have experienced the horror Elizabeth Smart or Jaycee Dugard endured. However, any sexual abuse is terrorizing no matter the circumstance and the DJs jokes are inexcusable. The feeling in the pit of my stomach while I read this is reminiscent of when I finally remembered the incident at 18 – more than a decade after it happened when the perpetrator’s name had long been forgotten.

    Thank you for standing up for all victims.

  • Carly

    I’m so proud to read all of these comments. It shows a space in this internet and public forum where people are still at the basis, empathetic, connected, and supportive. Well done, well done.

  • Olivia

    Well said. Assholes like them seem to think that no one they know has ever/will ever be assaulted.