This Fish Needs A Bicycle

aim high air force

Have found that any which way the following story is told, The Lieutenant comes off as more charming than cocky… and am inclined to think that it’s due to own story telling majesty, as The Lieutenant was anything but charming.

Broad shouldered in a well-fitted gray t-shirt? Yes.
In possession of biceps bigger than this gal’s thighs (and we hardly thought THAT possible)? Mmm hmm.
Cocky? Sure
Arrogant? Absolutely. And ordinarily, would scoop such a beast up in a heartbeat and earn nasty chin burn in the backseat of an outbound cab. But The Lieutenant was irksome from first minute he bullied his way into a space at table with yours truly and galpals. As was designated driver, and thus v. sober, did nothing to disguise dislike for Air Force fellow. Finally, after nearly an hour of I’m-So-Great stories, was asked

L: Why do you hate me?
H: I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you.
L: Why not?
H: You’re arrogant.
L: Well, give me five reasons you don’t like me and I’ll go away.
H: Promise?

With help of galpals completed list of wrongs.
1. Arrogant (yes, Lieutenant, it counts)
2. Is BoobTalker (hello? Yes, am up here. Not in my bra.)
3. Is lazy (with bar being five steps away, must have girl fetch his drink??)
4. Must be in possession of v. small penis.
5. Is full of shit. (no explanation needed.)

Left as promised, but returned in short order.

H: You promised. Why are you still here?
L: It intrigues me how much you hate me. Plus, you’re very attractive.
H: Yeah, well, go be intrigued somewhere else.
L: Oh, come on! I’m not that bad! You’d like me if you got to know me!
H: No YOU come on! Do you want to know why I think you’re arrogant? Because you’ve been sitting at my table for over an hour, selling bullshit stories, attempting to impress me, and in that hour you haven’t so much as asked my name!
L: Silence.

Bizarre display of Never-Say-Die attitude lasted entire evening. Felt v. sorry for Lieutenant’s friends who made noble attempts at rescuing yours truly.

W: I’m really sorry. I tried to get him to leave.
H: What’s his deal?!
W: I guess he really likes you. You don’t seem to be too in love though…
H: My heart is all a flutter. He’s a masochist. The meaner I am, the harder he tries.

Turned into quite the joke, and by evening’s end, poor fool was monikered as The Boyfriend. Lieutenant Boyfriend. Am hoping Lieutenant Boyfriend did not feel too jilted when escaped with pals and headed for home.

Aim High, Air Force indeed.

Posted by This Fish at May 26, 2003 08:13 PM