For someone who loathes the gym, I’ve been spending an awful lot of time there. Why suddenly decide to brave the guidos, stalker personal trainers and all-around stink fest that is my local Bally Total Fitness? I’ll tell you why. The men in my life.
And here they are, in no particular order, the masculine motivating factors for going back to the gym:
My Gym Buddy
If my persistence gets Trip to the gym on a semi-regular basis, and he passes his PT Test for the Sheriff’s office this spring, I cash out. That’s right. I nag him to go to the gym and he PAYS me. In case you missed that, I’m getting paid to nag. Now, not being a nagger by nature (in fact, being a very poor nagger even with practice), this isn’t quite as easy as it sounds. But, seeing as Trip and I will probably be forced into a back-up marriage at some point within the next 10 years, it’s beneficial that I learn how to badger him early on. And get a couple hundred bucks while I’m at it.
My Brother
The challenge has been set. When he graduates from the police academy in June, my brother and I are going on one of our Wilderness Adventures. In college (when I was, shall we say, not so squishy as I am now), our Wilderness Adventures meant anything from strapping on snowshoes and a 60-pound pack in the dead of winter, to Colorado white water runs. I’m through with the whole, sacrifice my body on a Class Five river run (remember that?), so the specific challenge is still up for debate. I chose desert. He chose mountain. Sweet lord, let it be desert. I don’t care how many hours I bust it at the gym, I’m not going to have the sort of stamina I did back in the day. And I have some pride to save here. You know, seeing as this was my idea and all. Ahem.
My Doctor
I’m now convinced that he’s not out to prevent future non-cancerous breast tissue, but rather construct a race of ravenously hungry, water-retaining she-beasts. And I’m having none of it! Okay, the new rack was one thing (I can skip the bra and still have cleavage. Who’s complaining??), but I swear to god, if I wake up just one more morning feeling like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, I’m gonna have a melt down.
And last, but not least,
The Man
You know, as in THE Man. I have yet to set a date for my interview with the NY Monkey Firm (don’t worry, they’re in no hurry) because I can’t quite shimmy into my best suit. It’s either shell out another $400 for a new one, or get thee to Bally. I don’t even remember being such a cute size six, but I clearly was once, and I went suit shopping. Silly girl.
(Oooh, and according to my source -- good morning, source! -- we may have a mainland siting of the Cute Fireman next month. Huzzah! I won't officially add him to the list as that would just be... silly. Mmm hmmm.)
There's 300 miles of Appalachian Trail with my name on it somewhere in Virginia.
Posted by: Frankenstein at February 18, 2004 10:54 AMhee hee, and good morning to you!
Posted by: Source at February 18, 2004 12:50 PMGood luck salvaging the suit.
Go for the mountains! The desert is nice, but mountains absolutely rock. You leave the desert with sand in your shoes and scorpions in your sleeping bag, but you leave the mountains with additional red blood cells. Red blood cells are good, and you can take advantage of them in the first two or three days to do killer work-outs that would have floored you before. And pine tar in your hair, you can get that in the mountains, too, but a little Ronsonol lighter fluid will take that right out. The same lighter fluid on a scorpion sting would be quite painful.
So, head for the mountains so you don't end up with lighter fluid on a scorpion sting.
Posted by: Arthur at February 18, 2004 01:12 PMmy vote goes torward you and you brother mountain biking moab (very desert).
Posted by: hubs at February 18, 2004 02:01 PMI have a hard time believing that looking sexy and fit for me is not the pure motivation. I mean, c'mon...
Posted by: Ari at February 18, 2004 03:26 PMI just choked on my gum!
Or you could go thru Cass Corridor in Detroit, in a convertible on Devil's Night
Posted by: Country Mike at February 18, 2004 05:25 PMSee!!! You want me to want you.
Posted by: Ari at February 18, 2004 05:37 PM