February 19, 2004

white flag

I can't do it again today.

I can't eat my healthy breakfast, make my bed and put on uncomfortable shoes and go back to that place.

I can't meet another impossible deadline, take one more Jeckyl-and-Hyde moment from my boss's boss and not get paid enough to do it.

I
give
up.

After producing what normally would have been three or four weeks' work in five days, my department was using yesterday to re-group. It was a fine enough day, the first, we thought, in which we could take a second to breathe. By 3PM El Presidente was yelling (red-in-the-face yelling) at me over something way beyond my control. And by 5PM (the issue having been resolved), I surrendered. Walked out the door.

And I'm sitting here this morning, wet-haired, in my big, soft white robe thinking, "I can't do it again today."

I do believe this is what they call an unconditional surrender.

Posted by This Fish at February 19, 2004 07:58 AM
Comments

Here's hoping your NYC monkey firm interview pans out. And here's hoping it's less populated with red-faced-yelling insane types.

Posted by: sly at February 19, 2004 08:19 AM

Good luck. Sometimes admitting defeat leads to a far bigger victory...which, now that I've typed it, sounds like a platitude. But I mean it! It's true! Really! Ah, well. Good luck.

Posted by: Jenica at February 19, 2004 09:06 AM

Ok, I'm a bit thick this morning (or perhaps that's nothing new). Are you quitting, or have you finally decided to quit as soon as you have something else lined up? When you know you're doing your best, beyond your best, and it's still not recognized, then they don't deserve you. There are better situations and better bosses out there.

Posted by: LadyCrumpet at February 19, 2004 09:29 AM

I've been lucky in that I've never had a boss give me the red-in-the-face yell. I'm afraid if it ever happened I'd have to tell him to jump up my ass. Bravo to you for not doing so and best of luck with the NYC interview.

Posted by: Howard at February 19, 2004 09:57 AM

Three words: Mental Health Day

Posted by: bond girl at February 19, 2004 10:23 AM

And if that doesn't work, my firm is always looking for talented freelance help. We're hiring too, but the pay is too low to interest someone of your talents full-time.

Posted by: Matthew at February 19, 2004 10:48 AM

I once called up and told my boss that I wasn't coming in and gave him no reason whatsoever for it. Gawd that felt good. The following Monday I gave my notice. If I'd had my way, I wouldn't have given notice, I just wouldn't have shown up again. Good luck to you, whatever decision you make.

Posted by: Belle at February 19, 2004 12:46 PM

If your boss is anything like this one boss of mine, then they want you to fight back. They want you to meet them head on and not surrender. They call it motivation. I call it justifiable homicide.

Posted by: JRCM at February 19, 2004 12:51 PM

It's been said that a mild depression gives one a clarity of mind that is not attainable otherwise. I take advantage of it, when it happens, to make those big decisions that I've been putting off for far too long.

Good luck.

Posted by: Cultural Infidel at February 19, 2004 02:51 PM

Yeah, your boss is a dick, but unless you've got another way to put food on your table, you should probably go back. I know I'm a dick, but I know I'm probably right...The job is a necessarily evil means to a truly evil end...The need for money.

Posted by: Country Mike at February 19, 2004 03:07 PM

Good vibes from NYC, Miss Fish.

Posted by: Paul Gutman at February 19, 2004 03:27 PM

At school they declared this week "Official De-stress week." I don't know why because it's been incredibly stressful, and it's only going to work. It was a terrible trick.

Posted by: tab at February 19, 2004 08:36 PM

I don't know if you've decided to or not yet, but take Friday off. Either officially, or call out sick (I've found leaving a message on voice mail is the easiest thing). Not sure what your plans are, but no job is worth feeling THAT shitty about, no matter how good it seems or how "perfect" it is. There's always something else, even if it takes awhile to show up.

Posted by: Alison at February 19, 2004 09:46 PM

Oh, God. I hope you find a better job soon, with a reasonable boss.

Posted by: Kristín at February 20, 2004 04:31 AM