Living in New York City, it takes very little time to come to some very important realizations:
You need new shoes. Lots of new shoes. Stepping down 5th Avenue to whichever lunchtime errand destination, it will occur to you that your almost-new Steve Madden sling-backs are already horribly passé. So, you must replace them. With three other pair. And you must not keep the receipts.
You drink too much. Even if you don’t really, you must because how on earth did you spend $75 in Brooklyn on a Friday night?
You’re not so concerned with modesty as you used to be. Missing shades on the kitchen window? Not such a big deal. Who cares that your balding, gawking neighbor sees you wandering to the bathroom in nothing but thong underwear. It’s probably good for his heart, and it’s not like you’ll ever meet him.
You spend too much money. While completely out of line with realization number one, savings can be scrimped from other areas such as… groceries. Which leads us to the next realization.
You are too fat. Even if you’re not, you simply are. You will have nightmares about double chins. You will constantly think your ankles are too thick. Why? Because you’re comparing yourself to a whole new brand of female now. The fur coat wearin’, finely coiffed New York City Socialite Bitch. She’s everywhere and she lives for no other reason than to make you feel ugly.
You need coffee. Need. It’s now one of the ingredients in your blood. Oxygen, Hemoglobin, Colombian Supremo…
You love take-out.
You hate tourists.
You need an iPod
Your building’s super is your best friend.
Your new job is your life. Stop whining. Get used to it. Get to like it even.
And when you wake up one morning and find yourself just a little bit altered, you’d better like that, too. ‘Cause that’s who you are now.
baby, welcome to the noo yawk lifestyle! you’ve figured us out so quickly…
I want to be your balding, gawking neighbor, is that so wrong?..I’m not even balding.
My sentiments exactly. You’re a quick study, girl.
I hear the new type of comparison! I was in Europe for 11 days, just got back yesterday and eternally compared myself to the uber-chic women there who are able to walk PERFECTLY in pointy toed impossibly high heeled shoes. I did, however, buy a pair for myself that I will attempt to wear here in Boston!
How are you and KII doing?
the boyfriend told me to get out of new york — he said it had ruined me and completely warped my sense of fat/normal/skinny.
The skinny women here are beyond skinny. I know it’s Spring because you can hear the model’s heels clicking on the pavement. They run in packs, like wolves.
Welcome to town; you’ll get on JUST fine.
What about the fun of friends-on-move-in?
i want that life! only, i’ve realized in the time i’ve spent there that ny makes me feel good about the way i look, whereas here in the la la land of the eternally tiny, hopelessly blonde, younger by the minute starlet i feel disgusting no matter how cute my ________ (shoes, boobs, shades, handbag, etc.) is/are!!!!
New York would eat me alive. I don’t have much financial willpower.
I agree with Smitty. I cannot even compete in Dallas (don’t laugh, NYC’ers). There’s not enough Prozac in the world to help me out if I lived there.
I’m so envious of you!
pl: those aren’t heels, those are the models bones clacking against one another.
fish: you do need an iPod. You really, really do. makes the commute soooooooo much better!
All of a sudden my own decision to move to New York has moved out of the thrill category marked ‘scarily exciting’ into the box marked ‘Brown Trousers Time’.
I totally want to be someone’s balding, gawking neighbor one day. Free nudity!
yikes. mostly yikes.
There’s so much more to be in NYC – and so much more variety – than any of that, though it’s mucho better to have money than not. But then, most cities require lotsa cash to survive as well as have a life worth living. Banada Republic and Steve Madden should pay you for advertising their brands.
heh, heh, heh – I love this town! We used to stand behind the bar on the Upper West Side 20 years ago and watch each new years crop of hopefuls hit town and try to figure out who would make it and who would go back home. If you thrive on the energy you’ll love it here. If it just makes you tired and edgy don’t try to live here.
Tips: hold on to that kitten tight, get as much music as you can injected into your brain during your commutes, don’t join Equinox (home of the east side blondes who have only A GRAPE for lunch), become intimately acquainted with Central Park, buy the shoes, and to hell with the neighbors
I second sly. The ipod is NOT a ridiculous expense! You neeeeeed it. But get a different pair of headphones, those white wires snaking into every other person’s ears are annoying (and the earbud style headphones won’t stay in my ears, so I had no choice!)
Mmmmmmmm, ipod…….