There are two things that the Dork Lord and I will never agree on: Red Sox baseball* and bedtime.
Me, I like to be in bed by 10PM. Actually, if I’m going to show up to work on time (who keeps office hours that begin at 7:30AM? We do. It’s inhumane) I NEED to be in bed by 10. I know this makes me an old lady. I know it makes me a bummer. But I just can’t function on six or seven hours of sleep BECAUSE I AM NOT THE BIONIC WOMAN. There are things that go on while I sleep that take time – processes to keep me beautiful and witty and always ready with the ‘your mom’ jokes that make the workplace and our household the epicenters of intelligence that they are. Besides, next to hungry, I think tired is the most torturous of sensations. Tired makes me emotional. It makes me cranky. And, despite popular opinion, I don’t particularly like to be cranky. Because I am not House MD.
The Boy’s typical response to my snooze requirements includes harmless jabs and jokes about granny’s bedtime, even though sometimes I know it genuinely bothers him that I’m yawning on my bar stool at 9:30. So, now I opt to stay home a lot of nights — send him out with his friends so that he may enjoy the majesty of whatever occurs after 10:30 that is so life affirming. I’d make a off-color suggestion about free hand jobs from the bartenders but I’ve seen the bar keep at his favorite watering hole. Shudder.
Last night, though, the Dork Lord employed a new tactic: kidnapping. Early in the evening, we met his friend at a driving range to hit a bucket of balls. Side note: Though I averaged about six swings per actual contact, when I did hit that ball, it sailed in a very neat, straight path every single time. I am most likely a natural and you will see me on tour next year. End side note. Then there were burgers and beers back at the friend’s house and of course, ohmygodwhydotheyhavetoplaysixtimesaweek, the Mavericks game. That’s when, toward the end of the fourth quarter, my beloved announced,
“It’s going to be a late night.”
Let’s watch the next game! And then LOST! Everyone else in the room (the night nurse and the recently unemployed) was in. Naturally. And then there was me. The wet rag.
“No, it’s not.”
Fortunately, I have a lot of practice being the wet rag. I used to be a Mormon.
*My friend Lee tookme to Fenway eight years ago and my fate as a fan was sealed. The Boy?Eh, he hates ‘em. He has no reason to hate them (because what,the Texas Rangers are competition? Please) and so I can justlaugh off our difference of opinion. Mostly because I know I am right.
I’m a California girl who is moonlighting in Boston for work and all I gotta say is, GO SOX! I’m a recent convert who is affirmed I’m going to be stoned when I disembark at LAX by my facebook friends who nearly flew to the other side of the country to beat with a stick. A big, ugly stick.
Go Wet Rags and Red Sox,
WF
I would cry if mine employed kidnapping. The very thought of forced/inevitable lack of sleep makes me cranky and emotional.
I totally feel you. I have an hour commute to my job and need to be there at 7. My husband is self-employed and often works form home. Therefore I have to enforce the bed time rules. He’s usually on board, unless we’re out at dinner with his friends, and after a few glasses of wine he has no problem making me the bad guy- “can we please stay?”
So now I have a strict no school-nights rule. He can go out without me, but usually doesn’t, and whenever he complains about it I just remind him that he did this to himself. If he’d just stuck to the original plan- home by 9:30- I would be more than willing to go out on a Wednesday.
After all, nobody wants to be the wet rag.
I do not function well without sleep. You do not want to a)come in contact w/me when I’ve been deprived or b)be the cause of the whatever kept me awake.
My roommate just does not understand and complains to no end about not being able to have people over b/c I am asleep. She works 2 days a week at a coffee shop and has no concept of getting up early. I console myself w/the knowledge that one day the real world is going to kick her ass.
I also don’t function well without sleep or when I’m hungry. With the two combined, watch out. I would be in bed by 10 if I was you too.
Looking forward to seeing you on the PGA tour
lol… effin hilarious..as are the rangers AND the astros…7:30 office hours?? what do you did fish work at a day care??
There is nothing at all wrong with needing lots of sleep. I can go a night or two on about 5-6 hours and then have been known to sleep for 10 hours. I have decided that knowing your limits is proof of adulthood, therefore you must combat your awareness of your sleep limits with something insane like drinking while blowing bubbles off the roof!
I feel your pain. My husband typically has to get up earlier than I do, but is content to get by on 5 hours of sleep, then get home from work and take a nap before dinner, keeping him up late that night, repeat cycle… I NEED 8 hours of sleep. Last night we were at his friend’s house in Brooklyn (a quick 1.5 hour subway commute from our upper Manhattan apt.) until 1:30 am, home by 3!!!! He got 2 hours of sleep and went off to work. I got 5 and feel like I got shot with a tranquilizer dart!
For those nights that you must stay up, Mountain Dew helps the next day!
my boyfriend is the sleep needer. i am the red sox fan in our house.
love it!
And you’re SO wrong. For your information, the Red Sox are funded entirely by cateaters, kiddie diddlers and terrorists. It’s true.
Go Sox!
Oy, that’s my husband you be trashing lady!
Oh Fish, I am pained by your revelation of BoSoxFandom-itis. I’ve agreed with nearly everything you’ve said for years. I’ve laughed and cried and even heard myself say “oh good, it’s not just me” when I read about you leaving the church (been there, done that). But to find out you’re a Red Sox fan? Oh, it hurts so much. Right to my core. I know you lived there, and hometown teams are just so much fun, yet knowing you were cheering them on when they faced my beloved St. Louis Cardinals in 2004…well, I just don’t know what to say. It’s like having a pet puppy bite you. He’s so cute! And all of a sudden, ouch! However, I’m sure, with a bit of training, and maybe a chew toy or two, I will love you as I’ve always done yet again.
GO CARDINALS!!!!!
I hear ya, Fish!
I grew up in Boston, and still have love for the Sox (but also the A’s now). I also want, nay, NEED to go to bed early! I was the wet rag in grad school; we’d finish rehearsal at 11 PM and everyone else would head out to a bar while I went home to bed.
These days, I’d still like to get to bed at a reasonable hour. But my kids won’t let me.
You used to be Mormon? That explains so much, I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now (just love it!) and been wondering… why the strong aversion to faith? So sorry to hear you had a not so great experience with “religion.” Hoping that one day God redeems that and shows you who He really is, apart from all the man-made stuff. In the words of one of my best and funniest friends, “God’s so good, you should try him sometime!”
I also need 8 hours, and my fiance never wants to go to bed before midnight. What bugs me is that when golf season rolls around, then he wants to be in bed by 10 pm on a Saturday because he was up at the crack of dawn and exercised for 4+ hours and now he’s tired.
I have read your blog for about 3 years now? and I never ever knew you were a sox fan…You dont seem like a sox fan …See Im from Calfornia and a DIE HARD Angel fan so the sox fans that come to our stadium our loud and obnoxious. But, not sweet and witty like you…I mean I live with a Yankee fan soooo could it get any worse…ya, a Red Sox fan in California..But, I totally get it..its a hometown thing.