Yesterday, after a fourth round of conference calls involving flared tempers and raised voices, I sat down at my desk, stared at the monthly planner in front of me, it’s rectangular days stained red pen reminders, put my face and my hands and said, This is not what I want to be when I grow up.
It’s probably not the first time I’ve come to that conclusion. And I know I’m not alone – who hasn’t taken a look around their cube, measured out their freedom in PTO, and said, No way. This isn’t what I want to be when I grow up? Yeah, I know. It stings.
My career aspirations are pretty fuzzy (there’s a part of me who would be perfectly content to stay at home with a couple of fat babies and write freelance from time to time) but here’s a list of what I do know to be true about my future goals and ambitions.
When I Grow Up I Want to Be:
An effortless roaster of whole chickens
Geographically closer to my siblings
A home owner
A fiance, wife and mother (in the most appropriate order and time frames possible please, baby jesus)
Totally a-okay with aging
In possession of a Dyson vacuum with that special thing for pet hair
More opinionated and slower to share those opinions
Good at something practical, like sewing or wilderness survival
Better around blood and barf (gah)
Much, much less familiar with the contents of People.com
Debt free
Truly sorry about spitting on my sister from the top bunk (look, I’m working on it but it’s still just a little bit funny)
I’m working on the second to last one, reaaaally hard. You should print this out and cross each item off as you get to it, which I’m sure you will.
Dyson vacuums are just so cool.
I’ve never tried roasting a whole chicken, but I would like to be a fantastic scratch baker. As for the vacuum. My mom has a miele (German engineering!) and it’s quiet and has the pet attachment. She’s in heaven now that there is less dog and cat fur everywhere.
The comfort with blood/puke/other bodily fluids will come along around the time motherhood does…:)
From one who has been there, “More opinionated and slower to share those opinions” is vastly overrated. Spitting on one’s sister from the top bunk? Priceless!! I wouldn’t be sorry – not unless she ever gets truly sorry for doing something equally horrid to you and says so in front of witnesses.
You will get there. It might not seem like all it’s cracked up to be when you do, but then again, there will be other things that will be totally worth it.
I’m not sure I can help with anything else (although the babies might help with the tolerance to barf), but I can help with the roasting of a whole chicken – especially if you have a slow cooker.
My advice. But chicken. Remove the stuff they stick inside the chicken (giblets, neck). You can save the stuff to make broth if you’re so inclined. If you save it, stick it in the freezer. Or cook the boneless stuff & give some to cat (not too much, chicken liver will make cats barf. Ask me how I know.)
Rinse the chicken. Loosen the skin around the larger opening, stuff fresh rosemary under the skin. Put 8-10 peeled whole cloves in the chicken cavity. Rub some salt & pepper inside & out.
Put chicken, breast side up, in crockpot. Turn on low. Forget about it for 8-10 hours. It will be fantastic.
I pretty much got over the bodily fluid thing with the puppy. Good lord have I cleaned up some horrific things off my floor. Other than that, the debt free thing rings pretty true (although, to be fair it’s technically my husband’s debt, which makes it just that much more depressing to pay off). I can, and frequently do, roast chickens (just give it a shot, it’s really one of the easiest things to do. Need one big pan and a meat thermometer. Ina Garten or Tyler Florence will steer you right.) My list would definitely contain “well-traveled”, though, and you’ve certainly got me there. We’ve spent our collective lives being educated out the wahzoo and never had the time/funds to really get out and see the world. Try to focus on your “have dones” instead of your “to dos”; you’ll feel better about life.
re: the Dyson — check a local vacuum repair shop. I picked up a reconditioned Dyson for a fourth of the original list price. Score!
Good luck with the rest of it
LD
You know, the blood thing may not be as easy as steeling your will. I have had dogs, babies, and all manner of nastiness to clean up after, and I still nearly pass out when I get my blood drawn.
It’s called the vagal nerve reaction. Some of us are just more seeeensitive
I had one of those days at work today, too. When I was little I wanted to be a cashier or a librarian. Kind of makes me wish I would have stuck to those career goals. It probably would have meant a lot less stress.
OH YES, how I’m going through that horrible time where I hate my job and think those same thoughts every day. I love the idea of a list of things b/c although I’m only 26, I feel like I’m still not a real adult yet. As for the last one, I was never sorry and never will be!
Oh and your #5 on Aging… Fear not for your perception will change as you get closer to and into your 40′s. You’re gonna love it!
That happened to me after I graduated from college & was a “temp” for a year in the same job. I was always disappointed when my alarm went off in the morning because it meant I had to go to my cube & answer phones & file & do other things that I didn’t care about at all. But the good news is that it drove me to find something I did want to do.
Good luck with the career & the list.
P.S. Speaking of vomit & bunk beds, I once threw up on my sister from the top bunk but it was completely accidental & I am truly sorry. However, it’s still funny.
I can’t say that I’ll ever be sorry for spitting on my sister…though it wasn’t from the top bunk. I’d pin her down and dangle spit over her face (gross, I know), but suck it back in right before it dropped. One time, it dropped anyway. Right onto her forehead. I still think it’s funny. She won’t ever let me forget it. Good thing she’s still smaller than me.
Buy a
I love this! I’ve gotten really good advice from friends that when I hit one of those “I hate my job, why am I here?” days, the best thing to do is sit down and write out my ideal job. Everything from where it is, what my office is like, who I would work with, what the schedule would be, how I would spend my day, the pay, everything! It gets it all out there, helps you see what really matters to you, and puts it out to the universe. Who knows, it might just spark something going for you!
“Measured out their freedom in PTO”? What’s PTO?
The chicken one is the easiest on the list. You can find basic recipes all over the place. The most important thing is to have an instant-read meat thermometer and pull it out when the thigh is at 170. Overcooking makes it dry and yucky.
The bunkbed spitting IS funny. And you don’t have to be truly sorry for that if I don’t have to be truly sorry for singing to myself and keeping you awake. Or for cutting that big X in your Holly Hobbie wallpaper.
I wrote an entry in my journal a few months ago called “I want to be the kind of person who:” and made a long list of things — some of which I already am, and some that I am not yet. It was really inspiring! Because a lot of the things on the list were things I could simply … choose. Like, “I want to be the kind of person who reads a lot of books.” A lot of my reading time was eaten with inane television. So I canceled my cable and started trading books with Swaptree. I am so happy about that change! There are more, but that is an example of what came out of making that list.
I think that with age, comes most everything on your list. I am 44 and I have everything but the Dyson vacuum, and I am not debt free (see homeowner). I would still like that vacuum though.
There is this totally amazing pet brush called a Fuminator and it has given us a better quality of life and meals without little ‘presents.’ It is expensive and worth twice the price. Three times the price! Once you brush your cat/dog with it, you will be able to spot a glossy, happy Fuminator pet anywhere. They simply glow. And I am dang happy too.
Ohhh, I love the idea of the “Have Done” list – would love to see your have done list in the next post
I bet it’s pretty impressive, I mean come on…. Europe, Dude Ranches… I bet it looks real grown up on paper 
-P.S. I have the stay home with the kids gig, which I love beyond measure, and trust me, there are still days like that 
it happens with every job from time to time I think.
Having the same “Is THIS what I’ve chose to do with the miracle of my life??” times at work… the pay is outrageously good, that’s the only reason I stay (see: homeowner in the Bay Area). But it soul-killing work. Anyway, about that Dyson- I have that vacuum, it is a bitch to push around (heavy), won’t work on thinner area carpets (sucks it so hard the brushroller stops) and the pet attachment is awkward (needs a bendy-hose neck). If I had to do it over I’d buy the lighter Dyson they have now. Meanwhile, my $30 Eureka Quick-Up cordless stick vac works miracles on my two-dog furniture. Good luck with the rest of your list- you seem on you way to meeting each goal!
@ Ivy: PTO = Paid time off. Vacation & sick leave time based on seniority. (I had to look it up, too.)
@fish: I’d opt for sewing survival skills. A much better option. That way you can look fashionable in the wilderness when they ID your remains.
Totally random question: did you go to urban outfitters in Mockingbird Station Saturday?
Beer Can Chicken from Rachel Ray… (if you have a place to put a grill… even a dinky charcoal thing that’s a foot tall)
Even I don’t mess those up and my boyfriend says I could burn water…
I love this list. There’s a lot I want to be when I grow up, too, and I’m realizing more and more that life is about so much more than your job.
I love your list! I’ve got almost all of those things covered, but you reminded me that I want to buy a Dyson before the tax return is used up on silly things like siding and roof repairs. Doing that right now!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHA You crack my shit up.