This really has nothing to do with anything, but I’ve decided that I could happily live in a world with a whole lot less Jon & Kate. And Miley Cyrus. And while we’re at it, anyone with the last name Kardashian. I used to love to hop on over to gossipy celeb sites on my lunch break, catch some poop on famous people with too much money and not much sense. But now it feels a little icky. Failed marriages, baby daddies and exploited teens. Well, it kinda makes a girl miss Paris Hilton. At least with that train wreck, you always knew who’d been behind the wheel.
Moving on…
Friday evening, on a Dallas-bound flight, after a super-intense, totally exhausting, emotionally draining week, I scanned the plane for an aisle seat, spotted one last hold out, and sank into it. All I wanted to do was cash in my drink ticket, down a glass of wine and catch a nap. But after stowing my laptop and powering down my phone, I realized that my row mates for the next hour were a very nice lady and her… four year old daughter. Her sweet, but really, really loud four year-old-daughter. Who, lest she begin screeching about things like GRANDMA! and DALLAS! and DINNER!, needed to be constantly engaged. Seating choice FAIL. I’ve never heard such a small person make such big sounds. And as her mother, clearly acclimated to the yelling, saw no real urgency in distracting her, I took one for the team.
I started with simple questions. What’s your name? How old are you? Are you hard of hearing? Because, LORD you’re loud. And then once the engines kicked on, we moved on to more airplane focused conversation.
“Which direction are we going?”
“That way!” She jerked a thumb toward the back of her seat.
“Shhh,” I said, putting a finger to my lips. “That’s right. But are we going forward or backward?”
“Backward,” she said, turning down the volume a bit.
“Right. You’re very smart. And, are we going fast or slow?”
“Fast!” she said, as the plane took the the runway. “We’re going fast! And UP! UP FAST!”
“Who makes the plane go fast?” I asked, wondering if pilot was in her vocabulary.
The tiny girl with the bullhorn voice was finally quiet.
“Who drives the plane?” I asked again, thinking I hadn’t been clear. But she sat in 16A, silent, looking at me like I was playing some sort of joke. Finally she looked at her mother, then back at me and shrugged her shoulders.
“Well, I don’t know his name.”
I’m pretty sure I was spared some serious eye-rolling only because it hadn’t been added to her skill set yet.
While the scissors would have to be less than four inches, there is no ban on duct tape as a carry on item. Use liberally on offending children. If the parent has any sense they will thank you for the much needed peace and quiet after they have gotten over the thought “Now why didn’t I think if that?”
Oh my lord you are funny and awesome.
I have a feeling your niece is going to inherit the eye rolling from her mother. Be warned.
That is too cute for words.
I am also over the gossip world lately. It’s gotten way too sad and not fun Paris shenanigans.
There’s nothing real about reality television.
I hadn’t realized I had given up tabloid trash entertainment until now. I used to love some TMZ lunch break reading and E! tabloid viewing over dinner. I can’t remember the last time I gave any of them any attention. There’s no entertainment in any of them. I think I may be getting older, sympathizing with the stalker way said tabloids acquire info (and thus took a stand a while back to cut back on my intake), and at the same time – they’ve all gotten……….boring. Is it the recession? Are they playing less obnoxiously in Hollywood so as to not irritate us working folk? It wouldn’t be the end of the world if paparazzi business depleted some!
I don’t understand why parents let their children do what ever they want. I love kids but some are just to noisy and annoying. Good thing you found a way to make the girl come down.
Don’t try to pull anything over on a four-year-old LOL!! What would YOU have said to such a question?!
As a REAL mom, I, too, don’t understand when parents don’t quiet their small children or teach them to be courteous so they don’t annoy everyone. I didn’t want MY children to be the kids that would make everyone cringe whenever you told them you and your kids were coming to visit. However, I also know some people could be more tolerant and understanding, and know that it isn’t easy being a parent, and that, more often than not, the same PERFECT people that were annoyed by OTHER people’s kids are the same people that–when THEY become parents–think THEIR children are little angels versus the SPAWN OF SATAN! Please be a little more patient with those sleep-deprived parents struggling to just do the best that they can…yes, I agree some parents should be required to obtain some sort of certification or license before breeding, but some singletons are single and childless for a reason…wouldn’t you agree?
from a REAL mom…Sonya