Four Things I Miss About Being Single
Remote control autonomy. Yes, this sounds like a total cliche and no, I don’t care. Because it’s true. I could be watching the crucial last six minutes of an hour long program and the Dork Lord will enter the room, grab the remote as if on autopilot and click! suddenly we’re watching sports. Or NOVA. All it takes, gratefully, is a tilt of my head and a raise of my eyebrows and click! we’re right back to Bones or The Closer. My favorite part is that I honestly don’t think he knows he’s doing it. Until he gets The Tilt.
My mess. Oh my god, sometimes when life feels hectic, I just want to leave all the dishes in the sink for three days and my wet towel draped over the end of the sofa. But that doesn’t fly in our combined household. He doesn’t do messy. Even a neat stack of opened mail on the counter makes that guy twitch. I won’t lie. Sometimes I like to watch him twitch. Just for a minute.
Cereal for dinner. He doesn’t expect me to fix dinner every night (though, most nights, I’m all for it), but forget coming home after a long day, eating a bow of cereal and crashing on the couch. No way. This one has to be FED and it had better consist of animal flesh. And okay, I may miss cereal for dinner, but not enough to stay home with a box of Fiber One when he asks, Can I take you to dinner? Mmmmm animal flesh.
Sleeping without ear plugs. Sweet baby J, sometimes those little buggers make my ears hot and itchy. But it’s either that, I suppose, or end up on Snapped! after some crazy sleep-deprived killing spree.
And all the other things I don’t…
Cooking for one.
Telling my bad dreams to the cat.
Thinking of the future as this very fuzzy, unknowable thing.
Wondering if “he” will call.
Being the perpetual third or fifth wheel.
Everything else. Basically.
Awww … I’m so happy for you!
Sigh, now I’m sad
I second the ear plugs! Fortunately? he just started working nights so I get 3 nights a week ear plug free (and I get all the blankets). And he broke me of the cereal habit as well. the things we give up for love. =)
BTW – have you been to the Whole Foods or Central Markets in Ft Worth? How are they? I’m going NUTS without Trader Joes down here…
Starting the “moving in” process over here.
I will not miss my cereal dinners, as I have a man who LOVES to cook! It’s amazing — dinner every night!
I will miss:
Parking for free in my OWN garage.
Not much else.
I will not miss:
A worthless condo association.
Taking out the trash.
Killing bugs.
Although, I may miss my macaroni & cheese nights… shhh! I never told him yet.
Being that we both eat healthy, I’m sure he’ll wonder why I’m hiding a Kraft box in my underwear drawer.
Cheers!
I hear you on the remote control. My surfing habits drive my S.O. nuts so I cede control to him. Why don’t men understand that it is quite possible to watch 2 tv shows at the same time?
omg my DH was unemployed for 6 months last year and the one thing i really hated (besides the missing paychecks lol) was my remote time… that short span between when i get home before he used to that the tv – and more importantly the channel choice – were mine all mine. so glad to have that back…i swear it saves our marriage and we’ve been together 7 years!
I’m moving in with my fella in a week. I’m absolutely more excited than I am nervous, although there are a few things I would rather not give up. But I’m so glad to see your Don’t Miss list greatly outweighs your Miss list. Thanks for all your helpful tips! I’ll have to try The Tilt.
you just have to hide that remote. in the couch. especially for crucial tv moments.
Sounds like you found your lobster, Fish. Cute post.
You’ve found your bicycle! Does the Dork Lord read the blog?
I’m so happy for both of you!
Ditto! But I tell you what, its not something I ever wanted to go back to. Boyfriend is deployed and so I have the house to myself. Cereal dinners just aren’t as good when you’ve gone so long without.
I miss a guarantee that the toilet seat is down at 3am when I don’t want to open my eyes because I may not ever fall back asleep!
Top notch post! I lllove it!! Thanks Fish.
Hi there I’ve been following your blog for a few weeks and I LOVE IT, it’s so funny and I totally relate. I have an awesome boyfriend but we haven’t made the cohabitation step yet, but he is also very tidy and gets annoyed with my slightly more messy habits. Things I’ll surely miss if we should ever decide to live together:
- Meals in bed. I eat breakfast and usually dinner in the comfort of my heavenly bed, either with a good book or a good episode of some bad tv show I DVR’ed. The crumbs left in the sheets drive him absolutely NUTS.
- Spending all day watching General Hospital on the aforementioned DVR.
- Having my own checking account. I have this really weird system of tracking things in my checkbook that no one else would ever understand or adhere to. I think we might have to find a way around that, actually.
Things I Already Don’t Miss:
- Going to weddings and family functions alone or with someone I’m not romantically involved with.
- Like you, being the third or fifth wheel. One time I looked around at a party and realized I was actually the 17th wheel. Not a good moment.
- Worrying that I was incapable of having the kind of relationship I wanted with the kind of guy I wanted.
- Traveling alone/not having anyone to come home to after traveling.
I’m sure there are many more! I also write a blog, the Quarter-Life Chronicle (quarter-lifechronicle.blogspot.com), with similar ideas, if you’re ever interested in checking it out. But either way, thanks for your blog, I love reading it!
Ok this is the funniest thing because you and I are in the same relationship it sounds like! My boyfriend does EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you mentioned aaaand I have to wear earplugs if I want to get any sleep. Too funny! Love your writing and love here Dallas stories since I’m originally from Tejas but now a NYC transplant. Have a great weekend!
I keep a bulging Ziploc Freezer Bag full of industrial ear plugs on my nightstand. At this point, I’m pretty sure I’ve killed all the little micro-hairs in my ear canals. But my marriage is strong!
Damn. I once dated a guy who snored. Loudly. And even my “I can fall asleep in five minutes without problems” self had a very hard time dealing with it. You must really love him.
Also, nice “Office Space” allusion.
Aww…I’m so happy for you.
God bless!
Yep. “Wondering if ‘he’ will call”
Occasionally I miss wondering if ‘he’ will call because I remember it wrongly as an exciting suspenseful thrill. Then I remind myself it was only thrilling when he DID call. Which was not often, until the right ‘he’ came along.
Thank god he did.
happy happy. i love this.
I’m still in the “single” mode and I had cereal just last night. The remote is mine and I do my best to be as tidy and clean as possible. Although, I must admit I still like the feeling of “…I just don’t want to…right now and …I just don’t have to.”
Oh Fish, I’m so happy for you on so many levels! (And your man is “neat”! I hope you realize just how lucky you are!
Of course, he’s just as lucky too but, to have a man how actually picks up after himself. Oh!! Such a blessing! lol)
From the guys’ point of view, I miss having a cool night’s sleep instead of this adorable little space heater cuddling up next to me when it’s 80 degrees. I wonder if snoring is man’s evolutionary defense against being boiled alive at night by our women…
Not for anything, but why does he need to be fed? He’s a grown up, no? How did he procure sustenance before you two moved in? Let him char some animal flesh and chow down on the cheerios!
can i just say that office space references will never get old?
Thanks for reminding me of why being single sucks… Not Cool Happy-in-Love-Lady… Not Cool.
Fish, I love your blog. I’ve been reading it for more than two years now and am so happy that you’ve overcome multiple unemployment situations, moving to Texas and finding yourself a good man!
However, I totally agree with Rachel and am wondering if perhaps you’ve moved past what iVillage is advertising:
“This Fish blog from an independent New York City woman celebrating singlehood.”
This post is definitely not “celebrating singlehood,” which is unfortunate because some of us still are.
I’m sorry Susan but Rachel doesn’t seem to be celebrating ANYTHING, much less being single. Cripes. If she, or anyone else for that matter, was so celebratory over being single, they wouldn’t get so bent out of shape. And for the record, I never celebrated being single. I was always looking for the whole shebang.
But yes, I moved past that titled over two years ago when I left NYC. I don’t know that they care about changing it or that it really even matters at all. And for the record, I never liked that label. I’ve been saying that for almost five years. I’ve said it before and I’m sure this is not the last time I’ll have to say it, if you really thought that’s what this blog was about, you’d have been unhappy all along. This blog is about life and humor and a million different other things. But rarely was it focused on just “being single.”