Okay, so I really kind of hate one of the trainers at boot camp. There, I said it. Maybe it’s the condescending way she talks, or the looks she gives me when it turns out I can’t SPRINT 400 METERS on my second day, but hoo boy, I do not like her one bit. I signed up for this class for me. Because I want to get better at things like push ups and sprinting some distance (though, seriously? Four hundred meters? I’ll jog, thanks). But I’m pretty good about knowing my limits. So yelling at me to finish an exercise that has made it virtually impossible to use the toilet for the last two days, well, that’s not going to get you anywhere but in the Do Not Like section of my slam book. We are not going to be besties. Ever.
The rest of the trainers are all very nice and don’t seem to mind that I’m not going to be a serious contender while I’m carrying around an extra thirty pounds of body weight. I think maybe they’re just glad I save the over-exertion vomiting for the privacy of my own comode.
Did I mention I can’t use the toilet? Too true. I can’t get down or up. And let me tell you, to complete any sort of business in there, you gotta have the down and up! Confession: Last night, I had to pee really, really bad, but the idea of the down and up became so unbearable that I… took a shower instead. That’s right. I George Costanza-ed. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
As longs as I don’t catch you give the X90 sign on an infommerical as I scoop Drumstick ice cream into my mouth, it’s all good. Also, your in a serious relationship. DL should be helping you on and off the turlet, or at least installing hand rails.
dude! you need a Ladypee or whatever those funnel-things are called.
also, i’ve been doing the 100 pushups program. liking it. all the sense of achievement and actual results, minus the shouting. http://www.hundredpushups.com/
Snork, snork, snork–funny!
Buddy, I’m with ya on the down and up – I’ve definitely been there. At least you know you’re having toilet troubles because you pushed yourself SO hard to be healthier and not because you’re, well, old and UNhealthy. Be proud of yourself and stick with it, you’ll feel stronger and it will get easier.
Even though you can’t use the toilet…maybe you could use a little bloggy award?? cause I have one for ya… come check it out!
Ahhhh I’m not a fan of the “YOU CAN GET MORE OUT OF THAT LAZY BODY” school of exercise motivation. I much prefer the gentle yogic “Do you think you can do more?” the answer is sometimes Yes. Sometimes No, not today.
damn girl, but it will be worth it in the end, right? right?!
ballet classes can do the same to your no butt movement, especially if you are not a dancer… memories of being so sore to move, and deciding that a public toilet could be a seat for a n hour or so, was the best damn decision I could have made that day.
Once again, you had me laughing so hard I almost cried….
Your blog makes my day! I couldn’t stop laughing (although sorry about the toilet fiasco). Hope you feel better!
reading all about your workouts have motivated me to finally get my ass off the couch and to the gym. i’m starting my new program today. although what i really need is a bootcamp thing like you even though i’m sure i’d end up hating it. *sigh* at least being single gives me motivation to lose weight!
I am rather sore at the moment after an over-enthusiastic training session. Although nothing has come close to the pain I felt after attempting to wake-board. I do believe I got stuck trying to take my top off and I had to stumble around the house with my arms above my head calling for my Beloved to rescue me.
After my 8 bootcamps I would STILL come last on the ‘test’ run to see if you had improved but my push ups and sit ups always improved. There are just some things some bodies are just not meant to do
That is my excuse and I am sticking to it!
You could just claim to be saving the rainforest though. That makes it okay, right?
OMG. My boot camp trainer was such a….you get the picture. Not only was she all judgmental on what I could and couldn’t do physically, she once said “Your inflexible body is a reflection of your inflexible mind.” Or, it could just be that I’m not Gumby, ya know? I always got the feeling she thought because I wore a suit to work that I was uptight.
There’s a reason they have you sprinting 400M. It’s a well-known scientific true fact that Sasquatch and other monsters can sprint exactly 395 meters. You can sprint 400, you’re golden.
A well-known scientific true fact, eh? Ken, you kill me. I need more time in my life – I haven’t been able to finish your book! My commute is in a car and not a subway and let me tell you, that cuts into reading a whole hell of a lot.
Oh dear lord, I laughed so hard that I PEED ON MYSELF! You crack me up