Today was my annual physical. Which meant I got to go see my doctor, get on a scale and have her put it down in writing that I’m significantly more fluffy than I was last year, have the very life blood taken from me and then, well, there were stirrups involved toward the end.
And… all the boys have all closed their browser windows.
I suppose I wouldn’t mind any of the above so much if I didn’t have to fast. Even the blood drawing is somewhat pleasant because nurses love my veins and always make such a fuss over how easy it is to perform this gruesome task when working with such fantastic subjects. I like to think I had something to do with these big, beautiful veins, so I always say thank you and grow a little bit of an ego. But me on an empty stomach? There’s nothing happy about that. It’s like… well, remember that time Woody Harrelson was walking through the airport and some paparazzo got in his face and he gave him a knuckle sammich and then in his own defense claimed it was because he thought the paparazzo was a zombie? Yeah, it’s like that. I’m willing to bet that Woody was just really hungry. Somebody made him skip breakfast for a cholesterol test and mistakes were made.
During the physical, my very sweet Physician’s Assistant got out her stethoscope, prodded around my tummy and then said with smile, “You sound very hungry.”
“That was your idea.”
No sense in pretending I got up at 5AM and then voluntarily went foodless until 10:30. So long as there are Kardashians starving in LA, I will clean my plate, dammit.
The nicest thing about going to my doctor is the quality listening time. Never once have I felt rushed into getting down to the paper gown part of the event and have always been relieved just to be able to say, “Here are all the things that don’t feel right. Can you make them better?” And having a doctor who will write you a prescription for a sleep aid without giving you hassle, well, I guess that’s worth a tummy rumble once a year.
Oh man, I hear ya! And, having recently urned 40, I get to add the joy of a yearly mammogram to the mix.
Yay.
I hope you’re feeling better, having eaten. And the line about “starving Kardashians” is simply awesome!
I get the same response to my veins when I go in for my “25,000 mile checkup” as I call it. You know – they look under the hood, check the valves and pressures, etc. … (OK, so maybe it’s only funny to me.) Hope everything came out all right. And that you got more than a Kashi bar!!
Ditto the great veins. If only men admired them as much as phlebotomists do. “Significantly fluffier” made my day. Though probably not yours.
“You sound very hungry.”
“That was your idea.”
This made me laugh. And I am having a craptastic day. So kudos to you. Thanks.
I hope you got a yummy breakfast.
And YEA for seeing a PA, but as I a PA I need to get on my soap box for a second. It’s Physician Assistant, not Physician’S Assistant.
great post. i understand completely.
there have been times when my sister and i have been running errands, and she’s turned to me and asked, “do we need to stop for a snack?” i’m usually very low-key, but i turn into a completely different person when hungry. i usually have both chocolate and trail mix in my bag at all times, just for emergencies, so to speak.
I turn into a royal beeoch when I go without food.
LOVE the starving Kardashians comment!
Stirrups. Shudder. I always take the rest of the day off after my PAP! test. Ugh.
hah – love it – I too am *ahem* fluffier this year
I HATE not eating in the AM. I would seriously kill someone on my way out of there. I have the sense to not piss of the doctors and their staff, but on the way out, all bets would be off.
I hope you went and got yourself something delish and filling!
glad it was relatively painless. I think that having a good doctor who listens really makes all the difference.
Fish – I went through the same lovliness this AM and had the same exact thought process (from not eating in the AM… grumble, grumble… I destest this! To thinking how nice it was to go through my checklist of things I wanted my doctor’s opinion on and feeling listened to and not rushed!)… now Mrs. Bartowski’s idea of taking the whole day off afterwards??? Brilliant. Wish I would’ve thought to do that. Kudos to all the ladies who take the time to get things checked out! Now, if we could just figure out how to get the men in our lives to get regular inspections…. hmmmm…. we may not figure that out in our lifetimes!
I always bring a protein bar with me and make them take the blood for the fasting tests as soon as I get there so I can eat. I refuse to keep fasting just because the doctor is running late.
mmmmmm Kashi, LOVE the cherry and dark chocolate, and love them even more because I can feel less guilty while still eating chocolate
Get unbelievably cranky when hungry. Boy knows I must must eat breakfast in the morning else I will ACTUALLY snarl at him. We went camping once w his friends upon which accident befell one of the tents plus all food. Got up at 6.30am and didn’t have brunch til 12pm. And his friends wondered why I was so quiet that morning. Better quiet sulking than snarling in public.
“You sound hungry.”
That PA was thissss close to being mistaken for a zombie!
Love how you made a hilarious, thoughtful, relatable story out of an annual check-up.
“You sound very hungry.” That’s the same “problem” I always have, when I’ve to go see my doctor. I also have some strange “sounds” going on in my belly.
Why doesn’t your doctor just give you a prescription to get your bloodwork done at a lab the week before the appointment? That way, all the doctor’s office has to do is weigh you, take your blood pressure and maybe an EKG, but you wouldn’t have to fast. Best of all, the lab results would be DONE so then you can discuss them and any other medical concerns you have with the doctor right there. Anyway, that’s what my doctor does.