Over the last few days, I’ve had the pleasure of getting in touch with my inner road-rager. And she is not pretty. Or particularly gifted at insults.
After years of commuting four miles or less (read: years of being spoiled and sheltered), I’m now making a twice daily, thirty minute trek and hoo boy, it sure is taking some getting used to. Now, I’ve already admitted to being spoiled and sheltered, so this is the part where if you were going to leave a nasty comment about how spoiled I am because your commute is like, eight times that long, in inclement weather on bald tires, you’ll find yourself having to scrounge for something else to be nasty about because I’ve beaten you to the punch. Yeah, that’s me. Always thinkin’ ahead.
Anyhow, last night, when it was eleventy hundred degrees in my car and I was trying ever so hard to make progress in the direction of Laura’s house and some margaritas, I found myself making flailing, exaggerated hand gestures and yelling things like, “You! You are a REALLY BAD driver!” at people who couldn’t hear me. And it felt so pathetic. I was actually a little embarrassed. So I turned up my Glee playlist and pretended (very loudly) that I was Rachel Berry until all my mad went away. Because there is nothing embarrassing about that. Nothing.
I’m also getting used to wearing real grown up shoes again. Except in the case of a client visit or somesuch, flip flops were perfectly acceptable at the old gig. But then again, so was not showing up to meetings you’d scheduled, failing to honor agreements and other assorted asshatery, so you know, I can probably put up with some sore feet.
I’m just jealous that you get to drive to work every day. Public transportation makes me long for my car and 30 minutes of blissful alone time to sing along (out loud) to Glee.
The grass is always greener
I’ve been doing a similar drive for two years and I’m sorry to say that you don’t get used to it. You swearing volcabulary will improve though, especially if you drive takes you past a college, or a mall. Congrats on the new job and good luck!
Might I say I love your use of “eleventy hundred”. Eleventy is one of my most favorite numbers. Also I love the Glee playlist infact it got me out of the sudden uncontrollable rage spiral I was in the morning. It works miracles…no lie! I am so glad I found your blog. Thank you!
Might I say I love your use of “eleventy hundred”. Eleventy is one of my most favorite numbers. Also I love the Glee playlist infact it got me out of the sudden uncontrollable rage spiral I was in the morning. It works miracles…no lie! I am so glad I found your blog. Thank you!
Eleventy hundred….I also love elevenses, a second breakfast treat enjoyed by hobbits. or an early lunch, depending on how you look at it.
OK. done with my nerd moment of the day.
I find that reminding myself that I probably (maybe, might) have angered another driver once or twice in my motoring career. That usually makes it easier.
And singing at the top of one’s lungs while communting is an essential survival skill and nothing to be ashamed of.
I went through the same thing – from a 7 minute easy commute to 45 minutes plus of stop-and-go. I KNEW I was spoiled, but that didn’t make it any easier to get used to. Glee Showstoppers helped me too recently, but the BEST solution I’ve found are audiobooks. I find that if it’s a decent story then I actually kind of look forward to getting in the car in the morning and evening to see what happens next and the commute sails by with out swearing! Give it a try!
Maybe try books on tape? They might be a little more engrossing, such that sitting in traffic is less bearable?
although I liked the Eleventy Hundred….Asshatery is my new favorite word! Thanks for expanding my vocabulary
I feel your pain. At my last job, I lived 0.8 miles away. It took longer to walk to my car than to drive home. Now it’s 31 miles each way, all interstate, 45 minutes, twice a day. In good weather, that is. I have started listening to podcasts and that helps some.
You should definitely incorporate asshat into the commute insult repertoire.
But what about second breakfast??
Ah yes, being summarily thrust into a commute daily after years of spoiled and shelteredness has taken its toll on my stress levels the past few months as well. Nothing causes my blood to boil nearly as quickly or as hotly as a dawdling driver in the left lane. But it sure does make my final surge over the hill and down toward the ocean and my apartment and boy feel ten times better…coming into work, that’s another story.
Here’s hoping that the new job will make it worth it, or extra worth it! I also highly recommend the Wicked soundtrack, if you’re not sick of it.
asshat & asshatery should definitely be part of your insult routine. since i’m a civilian who works with the police, i tend to call everyone “crackhead.” i consider it an occupational hazard. not very original, but it’s also a possibility.
Yeah, you’re back! I missed your funny
.
btw my commute is as follows: Step 1) 10 minute walk to bus stop (in rain, snow, & humid ass-sweat dripping days alike; Step 2) wait random amount of time for late (or worse, early -so sorry you missed it) bus; Step 3) 25 – 35 minute bus ride (depending on bus driver’s moody & herky jerky left foot spasms) to at T-stop; Step 4) wait for the T for, oh, who knows because there is no actual schedule for that thing; Step 5) take T one stop, walk 10 minutes through a giant greenhouse-type walkway which someone is always 20 colder than outside in the winter & 20 degrees hotter than outside in the summer (a miracle of science, for sure); Step 6) happy arrival. best part? this is way better than my last commute.
and when i swear at other drivers (or, you know, the driver of my giant, public, yellow limo) people can hear me; and, you know, swear back.
but i can read on the bus (which i don’t recommend for those people that drive themselves to work); and that is a gift from, well, someone.
Give ‘em the thumbs up sign when they do something irritatingly asshattish. Thumbs up with a big ol’ smile on your face. Helps me out on my 30 minute commutes. And I feel just that bit happier that I spread the love and sunshine of a passive-aggresive gesture that angers that snot outta the other drivers.
Just for the record, I’ve always thought you look very similar to Rachel Berry.
i get really road-ragey too when it comes to commuting more than 10 minutes. i’ve learned to accept this about myself and have tried different things to keep me calm while driving. the best i’ve found? fun, easy books on cd i get out of the library. it can’t be something too engrosing, but i’ve found easy beach-type reads and stuff like david sedaris keep me laughing and i usually don’t mind a few extra minutes in the car due to traffic because i want to hear another chapter. but if it’s too dark/depresing/complicated it doesn’t help my mood or i get too distracted with actually driving to follow the book i’m listening to.
My commute is 10 minutes. It’s a good thing too because the number of people I want to maim or kill increases daily. Driving here is like playing Russian Roulette. You know you are going to get hit, it’s just a matter of when.
I think that people would drive so much better if they would quit texting, facebooking, web surfing, putting on make-up, reading the newspaper, eating a 7 course meal….
Good luck on adapting. To the drive AND the shoes! I hope you are so much happier at your new job!
Audiobooks have saved my life. And I agree with others that easy beach reads are best. Next week I start a highly recommended audiobook, I’m Down by Mishna Wolff. For the first time since I was 16, I look forward to driving.
Aw, Heather, you are cute. You’ll be a great mom someday.
I am with you. I live a ten minute WALK away from work. It is awesome. I highly doubt it will always be this way, but god is it nice.
And hey – long car rides are all about turning up the music and getting your inner karaoke on. I miss that.
I commuted about 25 miles for about a year. It was driving along the Napa Valley, where people would routinely drive 40ish in the 55 zone (darn tourists
). I eventually starting telling myself there was nothing I could do about it and just tried to remain calm and not let it bother me. People will drive crazy, but it was important for my own stress level just to try and not let it bother me since I had to deal with it everyday.
lol: Now, I’ve already admitted to being spoiled and sheltered, so this is the part where if you were going to leave a nasty comment about how spoiled I am because your commute is like, eight times that long, in inclement weather on bald tires, you’ll find yourself having to scrounge for something else to be nasty about because I’ve beaten you to the punch. Yeah, that’s me. Always thinkin’ ahead.
This is why I love reading you!
Indigo brand (offshoot of Clarks) heels. 2″ heels and still no sore feet or back.
Just sayin’.
Asshattery is my new favorite word! Merci Fish!
Since I live in an area where most people commute at least 1 hour each way and longer on Friday afternoons (DC Metro), I would like to offer some suggestions.
Always keep happy music on. Playlists, radio, whatever it takes. Books on CD also can help.
Make a game of making up your own bad words.Booty Head, Pickle Face, etc. It can keep you entertained, and less frustrated.
When a driver is particularly nasty to you, do the exact opposite of what they expect. Make googley faces. Blow kisses. Stick out your tongue.
Basically anything that can relive your stress and keep your drive happy will also keep you safe and aware.
Also, I must second Delirium on the Indigo’s and Clarks.
I’m equally as bad at insulting other drivers. My most common sayings are “Could you go any slower? Oh…yes, you can.” and “T-t-t-turn already!” (stuttering like in Adam Sandler’s Big Daddy).