I had Glee on the DVR and forty-five minutes until the Dork Lord came home from work – that right there is what they call perfect timing. The show wrapped up, and as I was turning off the TV and stereo components, in strolled His Dorkiness who took one look at me reclined on the couch and said, “Is there not food to be made?”
My jaw hit the sofa cushions. Is there not food to be made? I looked around for evidence that I’d made some magical trip in a DeLorean to NINETEEN FIFTY FIVE but nope, everything suggested that we were indeed in the most modern of times.
To. Be. Fair: He is used to coming home and finding me in the kitchen conjuring up something for dinner unless there’s… you got it… no food to be made, in which case, he takes me out to eat. So his question was, I suppose, based on precedent and meant more along the lines of, “Will we be going out to dinner?” But that’s not how it sounded.
The look on my face said everything. Which was good, because for a few minutes, I could say nothing at all. I was so insulted and offended. And strangely, embarrassed. I was a million things I couldn’t even figure out. I hit a wall of panic. Holy crap, was this the man I was marrying? He read my face and went upstairs to change.
I sat on the sofa for a minute trying to figure out what to do next. What I’d planned to do next was get up and make dinner – I was really, really hungry - but was that even the right thing to do now after what my stinker of a fiance said? Wouldn’t the terrorists win? I got up and headed into the kitchen. And that’s where I was when he came down to apologize.
“I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”
“I know,” I said, not looking up from the onion I was chopping. “But I’m gonna be mad at you for a while.”
And I was. Though, coincidentally, my anger lasted precisely as long as my hunger and my the middle of our meal, I was 100% demons out. Funny how that works.
Yikes! Good thing he caught his mistake. Personally, I love to cook, and so I make a lot of meals for my honey, but the second he expects one …. well, I’m just saying: I feel ya!
I would love to say that you’ve now reached your quota of, “who is this man?” moments…but no, those stick around. Thankfully, some of those will be questions phrased in amazement so it evens out. :0)
You handled that very well. I think my 3 top responses would have been: laugh, say something snotty or (if I’d had a particularly hard day)cry. Your way was much more sporstmanlike.
This is one of those moments where a quick sideways glance followed by “bite me! where’s MY dinner?” would have sufficed. Would have saved you 45 min of unnecessary crankiness.
I hate feeling embarassed by my significant other…often it feels more like shame than embarassment. But she is sweet like Dork Lord when she says something and realizes it came out wrong…she will say “can i take that back?”. MOST of the time, I let her.
How lucky you are to have a man that catches his mistake and.. (gasp) apologizes for it! Where’d you find him…?
Oh phew…I was beginning to think you guys were perfect, all the time, and it was making me feel bad
Seriously though, I think he should have to make YOU dinner to make up for it. Fair’s fair, and men appreciate a good penance.
What Q said! The fact that he was smart enough to read your face AND he apologized for it is why you are marrying him!
We all say stupid stuff on occasion, but he is mature enough to admit it.
The man in my house is the cook in my house and sometimes I have come home and said, “Dinner isn’t ready?” Now I feel really bad for that. I do expect it…. because he always does it. Uh-oh. I’ve gotten to comfortable! I need to check myself.
My cranky level also dissipates after food consumption. Amazing how that works.
If I were in your shoes I probably would have said, “Yep, it’s in the kitchen- have at it.” My mouth gets me in trouble that way.
I wonder if you’ll still be blogging someday when you & Dork Lord have kids and if we’ll all still be reading…
Seriously, I just read this great advice someone gave to newlyweds I know: essentially, to always eat something before discussing serious topics like finances, chore division, etc., etc. MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
I have a friend (we’re in our 50′s) who told me the story about this wonderful romance she was having with a man. It had gone well for months until one day he asked her “what’s for lunch?” The spell now broken, she broke up with him later that afternoon.
I hope one day I find a guy who apologizes for the wrong things that he may say without thinking. My last ex didn’t have this in him at all! Live and learn…
I recently started working from home and find myself very aware of the precedents that could be set by mixing normal caring spouse behavior with that deeply programmed “woman at home all day = the person who takes care of all things home and hearth” narrative that we all have somewhere inside. I will intentionally break the routine of something little I’ve been doing for my husband just to provide a bit of a wake-up call, and when these kinds of transgressions occur will calmly discuss how whatever it was made me feel. The nice thing about the kind of men that he and DL are is that they really do know and believe better.. they just get a bit oblivious (or hungry for the taste of foot) every once in a while.
I recently started working from home and find myself very aware of the precedents that could be set by mixing normal caring spouse behavior with that deeply programmed “woman at home all day = the person who takes care of all things home and hearth” narrative that we all have somewhere inside. I will intentionally break the routine of something little I’ve been doing for my husband just to provide a bit of a wake-up call, and when these kinds of transgressions occur will calmly discuss how whatever it was made me feel. The nice thing about the kind of men that he and DL are is that they really do know and believe better.. they just get a bit oblivious (or hungry for the taste of foot) every once in a while.
Ha ha – that is going to happen PLENTY more in your marriage. Guys, as much as we love them can be dumb like that. But not like women are perfect either. My husband as sweet and kind as he is has stepped into this one a few times.
Husband: ‘What’s for dinner?’
Grumpy: ‘Whatever you are making’
It is like when you had chores when you were little. You gear yourself to do the dishes…you are perhaps as little as 30 seconds away but as soon as someone says ‘Aren’t you going to do the dishes?’ , you crack the shits.
Sandwiches! *
*some assembly required
Heather, my fiance occasionally blurts out things like that that he pretty much instantly regrets…one way I have learned how to handle them is to look at him quizzically and say “I’m sorry, what did you say?” (my hearing is somewhat impaired so this is reasonable). He calls these his “do-over” moments…he gets to rethink the dumb-assed thing he just said, and everyone is happy.
He apologized to you!? I know you already know this…but DO NOT LET THIS GUY GET AWAY! Seriously, I was married for 8 years and NEVER got an apology…ever.
this’ll make you laugh – K had a “Little Red Hen” moment yesterday when I WAS playing hooky from housework. He stood there, hands on hips, and said “Who will volunteer to pick up shampoo and coffee and a 9 volt battery?” Unsurprisingly – the cat didn’t volunteer (and neither did I).