Last week while I was away in Salt Lake for work, I learned a very important lesson about love and sacrifice, courtesy of the Little America Hotel. Love means sharing – this I knew. But it wasn’t until I realized that *not* sharing means having a whole king sized bed to yourself and thus, access to a cold side of the pillow AT ALL TIMES, did I fully appreciate the opportunity cost of being crazy about the Dork Lord and dead set on sharing a life – and a bed – with him forever and ever. And ever. I don’t know if you’ve had time to do the math (carry the one) but that’s a lot of years of him rolling over and stealing my pillow when I get up to pee in the middle of the night. Eh, I guess I love him enough to put up with it. Besides, I looked into a career as a traveling salesperson and there’s no check box for “Four Star Hotels, Please” on monster.com.
If the wireless card on my work laptop hadn’t been jacked up, you’d have all been on the receiving end of minute-by-minute updates on just how much I was enjoying solo time at the hotel. Turn down service was my favorite perk. After tossing my nephew around in the back yard all evening, I came back to the hotel to soft music playing, a robe laid out on the bed, chocolates on my pillow and bubble bath on the vanity. BUBBLE BATH. And a tub that filled all the way up without one of those annoying drains that leaks, glurg, glurg, the second you’re submerged. Pure, non-denominational heaven.
On Wednesday night, I sat in the middle of that big bed, propped up on an excessive number of pillows, nibbling chocolate, and feeling ninety-nine percent certain that hotel management was going to drop by any second to say they were ever so sorry, but there’s been a mix up and my actual, real room was just down the hall next between laundry services and the drill team and don’t worry, the cot is really very comfortable and could they please have that piece of chocolate? Thanks. Never happened, though, and I had three lovely bubble baths followed by three very peaceful nights of sleep. During which I missed my honey exceedingly. Naturally.
Nieces and nephew time was, by the way, so exhausting and fun. Abby, the newest, is five weeks old and is the most splendid, perfect thing I’ve ever tried to fit in my purse. My sister wasn’t parting with her, though, but did keep trying to get me to borrow her toddler for an extended period of time because seriously, Owen is effing impossible. If you think it’s out of reach, it isn’t. If you think you’re fast enough, you aren’t. And if it’s dangerous or gross, he’s all over it. Except if it’s a spider web, it turns out. Yesterday afternoon, he came to me with wide eyes and an outstretched hand, the thin gossamer of a web, barely visible. In fact, it took me a second to figure out just what was wrong.
“Eew!”
“What’s wrong?”
“Eew!” His vocabulary didn’t allow for elaboration and it was all I could do not to laugh.
I licked my fingers to pull the web of his pudgy little hand and he stood there for a second wiggling his fingers. Then he smiled.
“Dan due.”
“You’re welcome.”
On Sunday, my brother and his wife left me with nine month old Penny so they could sit through a church service without her practicing her new found vocal abilities. She’s not used to babysitters and so they were a little worried that Penny would dissolve into a puddle of tears when they left. The minute my brother’s key turned in the lock, that funny little girl looked up at me, grinned with her slobbery, gappy tooth grin and laughed like a crazy person. A little bit like Animal from the Muppets, actually. It was like she knew what kind of mischief we were about to get up to. And then I laughed too, because it’s like we both suddenly understood why aunties were invented.
I love the “Dan Due”! My liitle cousin says it in a whisper like we are conspiring together, so I have to whisper back “you’re welcome”. And how cute is Penny? Oh, is she going to be trouble or what?
I do love the cool side of the pillow! Trust me, even after the vows and the marriage and the sharing with thy partner, it never gets easier to give up that pillow.
In my family, aunties teach impressionable 20 month old nieces to wiggle their fingers in front of their noses and say “Neener! Neener!” when mom is calling. LOL
Glad you enjoyed your stay with us at The Little America Hotel in SLC!
EXACTLY why aunties were invented! Little nieces and nephews are the best! So glad you had fun with them!
Even though I don’t get to be the auntie that teaches all the fun & naughty things, I get to be the cousin. and ther’s nothing better than the naughty laugh done in harmony
p.s. hbd yesterday 
It sounds like you had a fantastic trip, the kind that always leaves you feeling exhausted afterward! I travel a lot for work, but even when I’m sleeping alone in the large hotel bed, I almost always use just “my” side of the bed with “my” two pillows (out of the five or so they give you). Maybe I’ve been missing out!