I promise not to turn this into a wedding planning blog (because one, unless you’re also getting married and going through this circus, you’ll get really tired of me really fast and two, I don’t even like talking about this stuff) but I have to tell you that I got a quote for catering and what. the. hell. Perhaps my grasp on reality is a bit tenuous but there is something that seems so wrong about paying three dollars for one stuffed mushroom. Oh, hey, would you like a tiny wafer with a bit of beef on top? That and a meatball on a toothpick will cost you six bucks.
By wrong, I mean it seems irresponsible and you know, fundamentally icky.
Believe me, I am all for paying people for their gumption and talents. But I’ve already said no way, no how to a photographer (neither the groom nor I even kind of LIKE standing for photos and what’s more, I have never, ever heard a bride say, “God, I’m so glad we took so many damn pictures.That was the best money ever spent!”) because I can’t fathom how anyone really believes that two hours of their time is worth eighteen hundred dollars unless they’re performing some kind of life-saving surgery. Wedding photography and kidney transplants all rolled into one!
I can’t do this.
Addendum: Ha! I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned the photography. The groom and I are agreed. We will not be spending money on a professional photographer and that’s that. We don’t like standing for posed photos and will only do a few of the families to appease said families. We’re all for candids and my siblings are excellent at that. So. I’m afraid I’m unmovable on the point.
I hear ya’…the process stressed me out. At least the vendor stuff. I let my husband sort all that out (except cake). We just bought food from Sam’s Club and had family prep (hawaiian rolls, lunch meat, cheese, fruit, chips, lemonade and water). Except for the small problem of the stuff being stored in the freezer and having to ‘quick thaw’ right before– it all went well. And the frozen grapes were quite refreshing!
You have every right to be disgusted at the costs…I will say though, for a photographer it is way more than two hours of his time. My husband is trying to build a photography business so I get to watch him go through the process. It takes hours just to pick the photos to edit (out of the hundreds)and then editing them takes a heck of a lot more time. Along with the preparation and expertise– I think it is worth it. Of course this from a girl who didn’t have the money to hire an actual wedding photographer so said husband is now (4+ months later) editing our less-than-stellar photos. We’re saving up for a portrait session with some pros.
You’re so right, and you’ll regret spending so much money on that kind of stuff unless the party portion of the whole deal is really important to you. Excepting your bridal portrait (if you’re doing that), the photos will look pretty much the same whether you hire a pro or a couple of friends with good SLRs. I read in a book somewhere to focus on the top three things you’ll still be remembering fondly in 10 years, and spend accordingly. Nobody will be talking about your finger sandwiches then (let’s hope, right?)
Yeah, we’re definitely leaning toward the friends-with-SLRs thing. I can edit my own photos and I won’t charge myself hundreds to do it. You know the only thing I care about in regards to the wedding? It’s not food, it’s not flowers. It’s just having the people I love in the same room for a few hours. That’s all I want. The rest of this seems like a whole lot of nonsense.
Is having the wedding outside a major metro area a possibility? Vendors are much much cheaper in the hinterlands. Are passed hors d’ouevres and sit down meal a necessity? A small hors d’oevres table and buffet meal are much less $ plus a lot less waste as people only take what they want, not what’s placed in front of them. Keep flowers to your bouquet, groom’s boutiennerre and attendants’ flowers, and maybe corsages for mothers of bride & groom. Make table centerpieces based on your colors, the season, the setting, your interests, etc. It’s a craft & DIY wonderland out there. Have fun!
Its your wedding but..
I am a newlywed of only 2.5 months.
The money I spent on the photographer was the best money ever spent. Ever. We have so many great memories captured of the people we love, having fun, on our best day ever! To help concret those details! All the brides I’ve ever talked to who didnt have one, told me its their biggest regret years later! Nothing to look back on from their wedding.
You look awesome, he looks awesome, and its well worth it.
Second best? Video. Its great to have the video captured of the day !
It wasnt about the formal shots, it was about perserving the memories!
As a newly-married gal, I’ve got some tips you might be interested in. Mostly, the one thing you have to remember is that anything that typically has “wedding” attached to it includes an automatic markup. Catered food is fairly expensive any way you slice it. Catered WEDDING food suddenly becomes something you have to sell your first born to afford. A large room where one can conceivably have some kind of gathering is one price. A “reception space” is bound to be highway robbery.
So, here’s my advice: go non-traditional as much as you can. Find a space that’s aesthetically awesome and will fit the number of people you want to attend, then rent it and kit it out in your style–make it look like your wedding. Find a restaurant that does catering, but isn’t a “wedding” caterer (we had fantastic food from a Mediterranean joint at our reception, for 1/10 of the price as a “beef or chicken?” affair.) Friends with SLRs are great; so are makeshift photo-booths and guests given disposable cameras. 1000 posed photos and a caterer with the word “wedding” in its name does not a memorable night make. One that’s all YOU is what you’ll remember.
I had 42 people at my wedding, including my husband and me. I think we managed it for about $2,000 (mind you this was 17 {gasp} years ago). We had help from friends: We knew a photographer so I don’t believe we paid her too much – we fed her too. We also didn’t have tons of pictures taken either.
You can do this on your terms, and I highly recommend it. People still tell me ours was the best wedding they’ve ever been too. The food was outstanding and the party small enough that it wasn’t overwhelming for anyone.
wedding planning is OUT OF CONTROL. do your best to avoid wedding blogs and websites and magazines, oh, and other brides-to-be… especially since you feel that way about pictures, because those people on those blogs/boards are all about ‘but its the only thing you’ll have to remember the day!!!’ (um, no. assuming i’m not trashed (and i dont plan to be), i’m pretty sure i’ll remember the highlights…)
I also hate pictures but due to the above pressure, got talked into a wedding photographer who cost 3x as much as the guy i originally wanted… every time i think about what we’re spending for him, i throw up a little bit. i mean, sure, he takes gorgeous pictures, but how often does anyone look back through all 2,000 of their wedding pictures???
Believe me, I know exactly what you are going through. My sweetie and I are getting married on October 30th, so we are down to the crunch time. We booked a beautiful farm (www.lingrowfarm.com)to get married and have our reception, with a package that included the catering. The food is truly amazing, we are very happy with everything. Now it is just the little details, I am fretting over. Being a do it myself bride is starting to catch up, between the favors, the centerpieces, the decorations. Whew. But as far as the photography we asked his brother to take the pics, he is kind of a photography buff so it fit. Know anyone like that? It is saving us quite a bit of money.
I understand how you feel. Especially when you’re paying for EVERYTHING yourself it seems outrageous. But the only part of the wedding that remains after the day (except, oh yeah, that wonderful person you hitched yourself to) are the photos. That was the one part of our day that we spent money on, and it was worth it. And we didn’t “stand” for a lot of pictures. Mostly the photographers just wandered around, did their thing, without any posing. Those are some of the best tangible memories I have. They managed to get photos of all our guests (all 80 of them) without being intrusive at all. I would suggest doing some research toward spending some money on that part, really. Or if you can con someone you know who is a really great “person” photographer, that’s a good way to go. But just because someone has a fancy camera doesn’t mean that they take good photos.
FLOWERS! That’s what almost killed me. I had a modest-but-I-though-reasonable budget spreadsheet all created, and the flowers came in at four times what I thought they would. Yikes.
What got me is that the laid back, DIY wedding in a park or barn or beach that I had envisioned was at least as expensive and more of a PITA than just using a hotel or more all inclusive location. The cost of renting a chair, a napkin, a fork … HOLY HELL. And that’s usually separate from the actual fee to deliver/set-up/take down. Something else fun? When you find the perfect venue but they require you to use their caterer, or 1 of … oh … 3 caterers who either don’t serve what you want or are pricier than heck cuz they can be.
Photography is actually something we spent money on & are glad we did, but we also found someone with a wonderful ability to capture candid but insightful moments between our guests. We got what we paid for, in the very best way. Other friends have paid at least as much, but their pictures look just like anyone elses & they are so very disappointed.
Ok. I’ll stop. Wedding planning today is r.o.u.g.h. Have fun!
Hey, we like hearing about your life, you talk about weddings as much as you like!
I’ve always thought I would love to have an Italian picnic style wedding, just with loads of bread, salad, cheese and cold meats. And red wine of course! Not much prep and you can do the whole thing yourself. Not sure how practical that will be for you, but I’ve always thought catering for weddings seems like a rip-off.
(my friend actually had a picnic in the local park, with an ice-cream van for dessert. I thought that was sweet.)
I reckon friends with SLRs is the way to go, you’ll get more natural fun shots then that more acurately reflect the day. As long as you make sure you have a few people chipping in you should end up with a good range.
Try not to stress. You only get to do this once (touch wood, hehe), so make the most of it
One thing I truly regret is not getting a professional photographer for a wedding portrait. If you are not happy with the photos from the wedding, perhaps you can go for a sitting with a professional after the wedding.
Depending on the time of your wedding, how about a brunch reception? Or you could do a fabulous dessert spread if your wedding will be in the evening.
I agree that being surrounded by the people you love is the important thing. No one who loves you is going to care what you serve.
All the best to you.
I think the photos are the one thing really worth spending money on because once it is all said and done, you have the photos forever. Sometimes you can luck out and find someone talented who is just getting started so their rates are significantly less.
Maybe you should elope! It’s a lot less stress and way more affordable!
The thing about weddings is that anyone on any normal budget has to pick somethings over other things. I’ve known foodies where that was obviously the most important thing, for others it’s music, fashionistas and the dress, and so on. We found a photojournalist to take our photos and it was the best decision ever. The portraits – no one likes those. He was cheaper than your “Wedding” photographer. And he took the most incredible photos. He had a day job with the local paper so this was just a side project for him – hence reasonable prices and he only took jobs he wanted to. Yes, he was worth every penny. And while he cost about what you quoted above, we got 10 hours. I think I am the person who can turn on an ipod, serve spaghetti, and call it a party. But do not even try to tell me I could have done with a lesser photographer. That day only comes along once. That money will never be seen again. And those photos captured every magical second.
Every bride is different. Every bride has to make those tough choices. And I find when I go to weddings I learn so much about a couple given the type of affair they made happen. I think it’s quite lovely.
I think that the pictures are one of the most important parts of a wedding. They help capture the memories!
I’m all about agreeing to disagree, but I thought you should know:
I was married three years ago (August 2007) and the two things that I say I’m glad I spent the money on were: 1) a dress I truly loved and 2) the photographer!
If you have talented friends with nice cameras, definitely go that route, but you will love having pictures of that day.
And don’t pay more than you’re comfortable with on the food, because at the end of the day, it’s just ONE meal and most of your guests won’t remember what they ate.
I did my wedding on the cheap (almost 4 years ago), and the only thing I regret about not paying for all that crap is not getting a photographer. My husband & I have no really good photos of our wedding at all, and that makes me really sad.
Everything else is a waste of $$.
My best wedding planning tip is one word: craigslist.
My flowers, food, makeup/hair and photographer all came from there. Freelancers are dirt.cheap. Find someone looking to build up their portfolio and you’re all set…
Also, we didn’t have a sit down dinner, just a big cocktail reception (cut down on rental fees by A LOT). Nobody even noticed it wasn’t a full dinner and nobody got stuck sitting at a table with people they didn’t know for 5 hours.
I’m kind of meh about the photography anyway. In my opinion, all you really need is one great shot…and it can come from anybody’s camera.
Yeah, we’re not having a meal, either, which is what makes me balk at some of these prices. It’s just silly.
Honestly Fish, the party will be fab no matter how much or little you spend, YOU are going to be there~! But in a year, 5 years, 10 years no one will remember much about it. And honestly neither will you. Get a photographer. Tell them you don’t want portraits, that’s no biggie. But have someone who is OUTSIDE of the celebration be there to capture the moment, because that’s all you’ll have to show for it when the years fade the memories. And if there are little Fishelets and Mini Dork Lords they’ll be hella disappointed to not have anything to show for the pretty important thing that was your wedding.
I’ve always pushed for people to allocate the biggest chunk of $ to a good photographer, or videographer, or both, but you can find really decent photogs for cheap. Contact community colleges and see if they have ppl in their photo programs that want experience shooting weddings. Or even check craigslist. I know sounds cheesy, but I had a friend find a guy who was a photography teacher who does about 4 or 5 weddings a year, a couple hundred bucks and she got all the images/rights on a disk in the end.
I am in the middle of wedding planning and I have been hearing that a videographer is such a MUST HAVE. Um, no thanks I’d rather not.
My friend spent thousands on her wedding dress and around $100 for her shoes. I spent $425 on my dress and splurged on Manolos. It’s all about personal choice and I hate that people, blogs, wedding professionals, etc. try to persuade you otherwise.
Ps. Um, yeah. I was also knocked out by the price of hor d’oeuvres. We saved money by choosing non-butlered stationary items- hummus, southwestern dips, and Baba Ghanoush spreads.
I agree with the general sentiments expressed by you and some of those above.
Here’s my (unsolicited) .02 (feel free to ignore!). We wanted pics–not of ourselves, but of all our friends and family. We hired a “journalistic” style photographer, but she (unfortunately) failed to get many pics of our family. So if you go that route, ask to see their portfolios and look for the candid family pics. And oh! Be careful relying on friends w/cameras. We thought people would have enough cell phones and cameras that we’d get lots of pics, but that didn’t happen (we didn’t request any specific friends to take pics, as we wanted them focused on having fun–not on “having” to take pictures).
Also, it seems many people get carried away with the industry of weddings. Our perspective was to have fun with family and friends, not to “act rich for a day”, as my husband puts it.
This blogger put the whole food thing at weddings a way I like: “Most couples decide they want a sumptuous sit-down dinner and then cut their guest list until it bleeds. These people are going about things backward. Your guest list should determine the scale of your event instead of the other way around. Trim the decorating budget and the seven-course menu. An abundance of friends is much more charming than an abundance of flowers.” (mightygirl.com)
Congratulations, and try to stay focused on what YOU & your fiance think is important. Let the rest disappear (or at least drop lower on your “to do” list).
I agree with the general sentiments expressed by you and some of those above.
Here’s my (unsolicited) .02 (feel free to ignore!). We wanted pics–not of ourselves, but of all our friends and family. We hired a “journalistic” style photographer, but she (unfortunately) failed to get many pics of our family. So if you go that route, ask to see their portfolios and look for the candid family pics. And oh! Be careful relying on friends w/cameras. We thought people would have enough cell phones and cameras that we’d get lots of pics, but that didn’t happen (we didn’t request any specific friends to take pics, as we wanted them focused on having fun–not on “having” to take pictures).
Also, it seems many people get carried away with the industry of weddings. Our perspective was to have fun with family and friends, not to “act rich for a day”, as my husband puts it.
This blogger put the whole food thing at weddings a way I like: “Most couples decide they want a sumptuous sit-down dinner and then cut their guest list until it bleeds. These people are going about things backward. Your guest list should determine the scale of your event instead of the other way around. Trim the decorating budget and the seven-course menu. An abundance of friends is much more charming than an abundance of flowers.” (mightygirl.com)
Congratulations, and try to stay focused on what YOU & your fiance think is important. Let the rest disappear (or at least drop lower on your “to do” list).
I am going through the wedding planning process too, and agree it’s pretty disgusting the way that “wedding” triples the price. I know you’ve added your addendum concerning not having a professional photographer, and I understand your concern about costs. I will say this, though — If you can’t see a difference between the photos your friends take and the photos taken by a professional photographer, you’re looking at really crappy photographers. Also, you know there are lots of photographers who really don’t do much of the whole portrait thing right? They’re called photojournalist wedding photographers.
Yes, thank you, I am aware of the photojournalist concept. And I think, maybe, you couldn’t possibly be giving my friends enough credit for just how talented they are.
I hear ya! we’re in the middle of wedding planning now and it’s exhausting! i can tell you that we had great success negotiating the price with the caterer. We were able to get the caterer down several thousand dollars just by asking! it can’t hurt to try at least
good luck!
I was just married last month and had to plan on a very tiny budget. We ended up hiring someone from a local photography club and are happy with the results. She charged only $20 per hour- maybe if you change your mind about photography this could be a good way to go?
As for the catering, the cost made me sick too. I even threatened to make my own dinner at one point! Other things that made me sick – the cost of a tent and dance floor!
I, too, have to chime in to say that the one thing on which we agreed to do what we really wanted was with the photography. We found a truly incredible journalistic-style photographer who happened to be from Utah, and thus charged way less than the DC-area photographers (even taking travel into account). We love looking at the wonderful and warm “moments” she captured, and love sharing our beautiful wedding album with friends and family. Our friends took pictures, yes, but they were nothing like hers, and honestly, we wanted them to be able to enjoy their time without feeling the need to remember to take pictures for us. While I am with you 100% on the hors d’oeuvres and CAKE (a dear friend made ours for us as a wedding gift), finding a photographer we truly loved (not necessarily the most expensive) was one of the best and most lasting ways for us to spend wedding money.
We were married on a beach with 30 of our closest friends and family. They all had camera (both disposable and their wonderful, fabulous personal ones) and the photos were fantastic. Sounds like you know how talented your friends are and know what is important to you. I caught a lot of grief for 1)simple dress 2) no church 3) no photographer, etc., BUT….was MY wedding. Wouldn’t have changed it, still glad it was just like it was; simple, pretty quick and with everyone I love there.
The BEST wedding I’ve ever attended(and best=most fun/memorable) was done in an inexpensive way. They had finger food buffet style and kept it light(summer) with melon and berries and a chocolate fountain. Lemonade and water as beverage options which was perfect for the heat.
Their photographer was a photography major from the university they worked at/attended, so he was inexpensive and did primarily candid so they got fantastic shots of everyone dancing(bride and groom are dance majors), including the adorable kids dancing and trying to help DJ. For dj they hooked up a computer w/ a preset play list and just let it play out.
The most they spent was on venue. They were married in a botanical garden.
I encourage you to look around at alternatives. Finger food catering by a favorite restaurant instead, put out disposable cameras for guests, ask everyone to send you their pictures so you have a good selection, and I wish you the very best.
Good for you. All you need is one good shot of you looking all dolled up in your dress to remind you of what a wonderful day it was. A few candids and an ofoto account will take care of that.
I, too, am planning my wedding right now and have already experienced a minor breakdown in having constantly to remind people that I don’t want a wedding band thankyouverymuch and I don’t want ribbon sashes on my chairs and I want both my parents to walk me down the aisle even though they’re divorced and I want to make my own invitations the way I want them and and and … Sometimes I think people forget that while this may be an important day in their lives, it’s also a reflection of my fiance and me and our relationship. We’re not entirely traditional, so why should our wedding be? Just writing to express that I appreciate your willingness to stand up for what you want and hope that doesn’t become too stressful.
As someone who has some catering experience, I can tell you that you should balk at prices like $ 3 per stuffed mushroom. If I lived near to you, I would surely handle the food for cheap (my skill level probably being akin to that of your photo taking friends – not professional, but pretty darn good.) My advice is to get food that you like – BBQ, Tex Mex, Italian, whatever. Restaurants are frequently less expensive than catering companies (at least around these parts.) Also, wedding cake? Ridiculous prices for what they are. You are better off going to your favorite bakery for fancy cupcakes. Who doesn’t love a good cupcake? And who needs that dorky photo of you cutting the cake and feeding each other? Feed each other cupcakes instead!
Catering costs blow my everloving mind. I throw huge dinner parties regularly, and our wedding has basically three times the usual attendees for one of those parties, but the cost is literally about 100x more. W. T. F???!!!?!?!
i had this problem when getting ready to get married- i wasn’t paying someone for something i (and friends and family) could do for only the cost of the food.
anyways- my mother came to my work one day and basically told me i MUST not want to get married, because of my lack of planning- she about left me in tears AT WORK!!!!
my thoughts were, i had secured a groom, a church, a dress and i had sent invitations (no RSVP needed btw- cause i didn’t hire anyone that needed numbers and ’cause rsvp’s are a waste). the wedding happened, reception too (At my parents home) all was beautiful. the end.
do what you want, fish, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise- it is your party and you can cry if you want to too!
You may not want to stand around for a bunch of portraits but you are going to want pictures… trust me. Because the wedding is SUCH a chaotic blur that other than a few etched in my mind forever moments (a single tear running down my cheek and my husband in about 30 seconds reaching out for it, trying to cut the cake and not being able to because of some plastic support running around the edge and the hilarity that ensued.
FOURTEEN years later,the whole thing is a blur. I usually have a really good memory but there is so much input that you literally cannot process it all. When we got the pictures back I was saying things like “there was a gift table?” and “So that’s where the string quartet ended up” and “so I did go with the pale green” None of that stuff had made it onto my mental memory chip. But now when I look through the album it reminds me — every anniversary we sit down and go through the album together and laugh and smooch.
We went with the cheapest wedding picture package by a really good photographer (and no videographer) and also armed my bridesmaids and a few good friends with disposable cameras (I am old and this was 14 years ago – do they even still make those?) and I am so glad we did because we ended up with a ton of great pictures – both candid and posed which I put together into an album. And I AM glad we spent the money on the photograher because he got some wonderful shots. A few years afterwards I even found myself wishing that we’d sprung for the (way out of our budget) videographer.
As far as food, we figured out we could save a fortune by doing “passed foods” instead of a buffet or a sit down dinner. People circulate with food, they eat less because you control the output and you also save all that money on chairs, tables, linens and floral table arrangements. Because we only needed flowers for the bridal party and the cake topper we saved a fortune.
I am one of the weird few who went overboard on the photographer and felt every penny spent was worth it. I will just say this, have someone, hired or borrowed (i.e. family, sibilings) take some photos of the first time you 2 see each other that day. Something a little set up as in a special spot away from everything else, where it’s just you 2 for a few mins (or 3 with your “photographer”) Those are some of my favorites. They are not posed or goofy and those I think will be worth the price of a few free drinks to your friend. You will never forget that feeling, and you”ll be glad that you won’t ever forget that look on his face either. Best wishes!!
It’s all about the guests and the time you spend with them celebrating this event in your life. Seriously. Go for what makes you happy. I’ve attended the lavish weddings and the inexpensive ones (I won’t say “cheap” because they weren’t), and the lavish ones ended up being more about showcasing the bride and the bride’s family than celebrating with family and friends. Might be fun if you’re the bride, but otherwise, it’s not fun for the guests to attend the bridezilla events.
I say good for you!! ITS YOUR WEDDING. That means you plan it the way YOU like it. Not with what everyone elses expectation of what a wedding should be. I didnt have a photographer, I put disposable cameras on the tables and let the guest have at it. We took a few group shots with our own camera as it is a nice camera and that was it. We were completley satisfied with the results. YOU DO IT YOUR WAY!!
D
Yeah, I looked into a cocktail and appetizer reception and it wasn’t cheaper! It’s like caterers got clued in that reasonable human beings were taking this route to not go bankrupt and the blood suckers swooshed in and took over that racket too.
Maybe some polaroids would be really cute and vintage, or you could arm any kids with cameras to see what wacky pictures they take. Meg, the writer on apracticalwedding.com did the polaroid thing and they looked great.
I’m getting married, too. I was all for a justice of the peace or a weekend in Vegas…then he promised his 8 year old daughter she could be the flower girl. Suddenly I’m facing the prospect of planning a wedding I don’t even particularly want…how did this happen??
Stay away from theknot.com – those bitches are brutal.
Weddingbee.com is great though! They have such nice women on those boards, and they have all kinds of great ideas for DIY and cheap wedding planning. I spend a LOT of time on that site.
one tip though concerning photos: maybe tell a friend beforehand what photos you really want shots of. (Say, the groom’s face as you first walk in, your MOH handing you the ring, the father-daughter dance, etc..) My friends had friends & fam take their wedding pics, and they were extremely disappointed, and her sister is a photography student. People were too interested in the wedding to snap the important pics.
Also, have someone take video of ceremony. Don’t listen to people – you WILL forget it. It becomes a blur.
One more (sorry!)
~ if you aren’t serving a meal, & the reception is during dinner time, tell the guests ahead of time. Some people forget this. A lot of guests expect dinner, and can be disappointed after getting dressed up, spending money on gifts & if some are traveling to be there & then they don’t get a meal – just something I learned.
Anyway, sorry so long. Have fun planning your wedding! =)
I don’t know about what everyone else has said, but I would say hire a photographer for just the awkward poses and then designate a few friends/siblings to photograph as their wedding present to you. Many photographers are willing to do by the hour rates instead of the packages. (If not, find another photographer) and then you can pay a couple hundred bucks, get the evil poses over with and then have tons of beautiful candids for the rest. That is my (eventual) plan
Hey, Fish – oh so sorry the wedding industry machine has gotten you in its sights. I found out you are supposed to say, “I would like to host a party for my family.” As in, a family reunion, perhaps it is your parents’ anniversary (or yours) or something, anything except saying that it is a w*e*d*d*i*n*g.
I have been to a couple very nice dinners…banquet room of a lovely restaurant, menu with choice of entrees…and they were work events–but extremely well put together, a lot nicer than many weddings, and probably much less expensive. Good luck.
Yes. I remember. There’s the normal price for things and then there’s the special wedding price (twice as much). It sucks. We all start out with the best of intentions wanting something small and simple and not over the top. Friends and family really are the only important thing, but if they are going to go to the trouble to attend your wedding and travel and whatnot, it really is a nice thing to feed them and try to ensure they are comfortable and having a good time. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Enjoy the day though. This is a special time and it goes by so quickly.
Don’t hire a photographer if you don’t want, but don’t be disappointed if the pictures are not you hoped for. Your guests are going to be so busy having an awesome time to take too many photos.
Don’t have time to read the comments, so I might be repeating, but I suggest putting disposable cameras on the tables- you will get lots of fun photos that way!
Heath, don’t forget that Joyce, Audrey and I once made a cake that looked exactly like a cheeseburger. We’d be happy to do that for your wedding! We’ll even use white “cheese” and make the condiments into flowers. (We can also do a VW bug, a present stack with ribbon, or a trout.)
Hahahahahah. I wish you could meet my friends – the ones who are only having an awesome time if they are taking a million pictures. You guys are all so cynical about this! I guess I’m just not so easily disappointed.
Well dealing with family AND the wedding industry while trying to plan a day that is supposed to be representative of you and your dearest can definitely make one cynical!
I think this is actually a great idea from what I saw at my wedding. We had a professional photographer but my brother-in-law dabbles in it too and has a SLR. We didn’t ask him to, but he took lots of pictures at the wedding and because he had more context his pictures were actually the ones we liked the most.
My two cents from another girl who is also planning right now:
1) Agreed about going with non-traditional to save money. We hired a friend who is just starting out to be our photographer. We’re saving money on food by having it catered by a new street vendor – I’m sure Dallas has these popping up, too, and I think it will be so fun!
2) Check out apracticalwedding.com – it’s saved me from pulling out my hair more than once. Love these ladies!
I got married last summer (first anniversary this Sunday!) and I still have yet to choose my pictures from the photographer that we hired. His prices were outrageous and he was my 4th choice due to the limited number of vendors in Duluth, MN. He also didn’t want anyone else at the wedding to be able to take pictures and that left a bad taste in my mouth. So my husband and I just haven’t felt the need to pick them out yet. I say go with your gut (and your checkbook) and skip the professional photos. It’s your day. Do what you want!
It’s your writing we enjoy, Fish, so write about wedding stuff as often as you like. Also, I would like to go on the record as being very much in favor of the friends taking photos idea. I’ve been married 21 years and I had a professional photographer, but if I were getting married in this digital age, I would be asking my friends to do the job. Don’t be too concerned that you won’t get the photos that you want or that your guests will be too busy having a great time to get the great photos. All of my friends who are shutterbugs LOVE taking photos during all sorts of events and it ADDS to their own enjoyment of the party. It’s not a distraction. It’s what they love to do! plus, you know the quality of their work!
i didn’t read through ALL of the comments, so i don’t know if someone mentioned this yet…
but as a gal who has been engaged for almost two years, and who finally set the date (this november 6th) i too suffered the shock when looking for caterers! we live 90 minutes north of NYC, so those prices have crept up significantly!
what i learned was that… although i loved the idea of a ‘non wedding venue’ that i could turn into a great place, i did not have the time or the patience to rent silverware/linens/tables/chairs and i didn’t want to worry about that stuff on the big day.
so as our engagement got longer, i got less and less picky and realized that those expensive caterers will give you AMAZING DEALS if you book less than six months in advance. so we’re having a wedding in november (a week “off peak), and getting an incredible deal, spending 1/2 of what everyone else was charging if we wanted to wait until 2011. i would highly recommend it if you think you could swing a wedding plan in 6 months or less.
also, i second the photographer thing, i want just ONE amazing shot of my fiance and i, and a group shot of our WHOLE GUEST LIST (only 50 people total). aside from that, i’ll take candids from talented guests and edit them myself!
sorry for the long comment, but congrats again! don’t be afraid to DEMAND a discount too (if you’re planning quickly) i’ve gotten hundreds knocked off every other vendor price just by saying “well, if you have nothing booked that day now, isn’t it better to make _______ than nothing at all?”
That’s awesome you have talented friends who love taking photographs, Fish – I’d go that rout myself if given the option. I guess my advice for where you might find a good photographer while on a budget is for any other brides-to-be who are here gathering ideas (and sorry if this has already been mentioned; I didn’t read through the entire comment section): Student photographers. If you have a liberal arts or arts school nearby, check around to see what students are available – often times they’re incredibly talented and love to make a bit of extra cash while building their portfolio. Now, this doesn’t mean they will charge (or should get) peanuts for their work, but it will most likely be less than what a seasoned professional would charge. Just a thought. And good luck with the wedding planning Fish – I hope it’s been fun!
Caroline is full of it. I’m the one who said “the photos will look pretty much the same whether you hire a pro or a couple of friends with good SLRs.” I assumed it didn’t need to be clarified that said friends would know how to use them properly. As you pointed out, Heather – it’s pretty insulting and foolish to discount the talent of non-professionals – especially those of us who buy high-end camera equipment and take the time to study the art of photography, lighting, portraiture, and yes, Photoshop too. I don’t make a living from my photography, but I am sought out to take the pictures at events because I have a great eye, a fabulous camera, numerous lenses, lighting equipment, and natural talent. And I *love* doing it. I speak from experience that professional photographers’ pictures often aren’t distinguishable from guests’ pictures even if their services are expensive. Maybe these professionals are “crappy” or maybe recreational photographers can be awesome.
Touchy touchy JJ. It actually does need to be clarified that friends with cameras know how to use them. You’re an amateur photographer, who happens to have an actual dedication to the hobby. I think we’d both agree that that’s far different from a friend with an SLR who likes to take pictures. SLRs are pretty cheap these days and lots of people have them. It doesn’t mean they know how to use them. They also don’t tend to put in the hours of post-production that most photographers do.
Ugh with the “you’ll regret…” Blah, blah, blah. People keep telling me that too as I do my planning (gasp, no bachorette party?? What are you thinking?!). No one but you knows what’s vital and everyone has different priorities.
I hope the Dork Lord is pitching in, my guy’s help is invaluable, and I am so less stressed knowing he’s got my back and is taking on tasks himself. Good luck and have fun!
Well, Caroline, you did say, and not all that indirectly, that the quality of friend-taken photos was going to be crappy. Like I honestly care, though. I know how talented my friends and family are.
The part that I’m having a hard time with is, if I’ve said I’m perfectly happy with pictures taken by my friends, talented or otherwise, why so much insistence that I *won’t* be? I’m the girl who didn’t buy her senior yearbook. We do not intend to ever decorate our home with pictures of ourselves. The event will be commemorated in photo & video. Some will be awesome. Some will be just ok. Some might even be really crappy. But guess what? They’ll ALL be of the people I care about and I’ll be happy whenever I look at them. There’s just a lot of “this is how you have to do it” or “you’ll regret it” floating around, and loads of cynicism and negativity. I’m happy with my decision. I won’t be swayed.
The only thing that breeds disappointment is an expectation that isn’t met. I haven’t spent my life dreaming of my wedding (or the photos of it!) and I’m pretty sure I’ll just be happy to be there.
We did a budget wedding almost 8 years ago and had similar catering issues. One thing that worked is that I made it clear to the caterer that we were looking for more of a family-reunion- or retirement-party-level of service for our brunch buffet. The coordinator for our reception site backed us up with the caterer so it was clear that we REALLY meant it. (I think she even said to them, “Do you want this job or not?” They were one of three caterers that worked with the reception site.) It worked out well and we paid the normal, non-wedding price.
Heather — I didn’t mean to insist that you won’t be happy with the photos that your friends/siblings take, and I agree completely that it’s completely dependent upon your expectations. And actually, I didn’t say that the quality of photos your friends/siblings take would be crappy. I said there was a difference. It really all does boil down to what you want. My main point is that a professional photographer charges because they bring different things to the table (equipment, post production equipment and time).
Oh, no, I didn’t mean you specifically. There are quite a number of “DON’T DO IT!” posts in here and wow, after reading like a dozen of those, you start to get a little bit… gah. And my apologies, someone else must have used the word crappy. Again, I’ve read way too many comments on the subject!
Heather,
I don’t know if you’ll be having the wedding in Dallas, but I’ve heard good things about Food Glorious Food. Some budget-minded friends of mine selected them for wedding catering.
http://www.specialeventcatering.com/
Good luck!
lacey
Friends of mine that I’ve known for 18 years did our wedding photos for $750. Our first anniversary is on the 29th and because they insist on doing an album for us, and because one of them has too much going on in his life to have ordered the album paper yet, we still do not have a wedding album.
I have paid upwards of $100.00 to get prints from family members made up to frame around the house and to put into Christmas cards.
Your idea to stick with photos taken casually by family and friends sounds like the way to go!
Friends of mine that I’ve known for 18 years did our wedding photos for $750. Our first anniversary is on the 29th and because they insist on doing an album for us, and because one of them has too much going on in his life to have ordered the album paper yet, we still do not have a wedding album.
I have paid upwards of $100.00 to get prints from family members made up to frame around the house and to put into Christmas cards.
Your idea to stick with photos taken casually by family and friends sounds like the way to go!
Planning a wedding was one of my least favorite activities ever. Actually getting married and being married was/is phenomenal. As I thought to myself everyday whilst planning, opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one. Best of luck to you and I’m so happy you’re getting married!
Photography was low priority for us – we really aren’t fond of posing for photos and don’t plan to hang 800 of us on our walls… we just wanted at least 1 good photo (like our grandparents had). We hired a woman who was advertising on craigslist and was trying to get her wedding photography business started — she only charged us $300 for 3 hrs (and the photos she took are amazing). We also got *fantastic* photos on facebook two days after the wedding, just from friends who are handy with cameras.
My siblings and I have never seen a photo of my parents wedding day. As a girl I remember wishing I could see what my mom looked like when she got married. The photographer took the money and ran. That was back in the 70′s. Make sure your siblings and friends just take lots, maybe even ask them to capture specific events of the wedding you don’t want to end up with zero pics.