Perhaps the most romantic words ever uttered in the history of our relationship:
“Baby, don’t put this on your spreadsheet.”
The Boy and I split everything right down the middle. Bills, rent, groceries, dinner dates. If he drops his card at dinner one night, I take the receipt home and add it to the spreadsheet I keep of our expenses so I can settle up later. Perhaps it’s not exactly romantic, but marriage is as much business as it is pleasure. Besides, we essentially bring in the same salary and have the same goals and challenges related to debt and saving for the wedding, so it just makes sense. Plus, I’m totally enamored of fair. This love affair with equality is most likely some holdover from growing up one of five in, shall we say, less economically favorable times. Ever try to split a package of M&Ms between five kids? You should see me cut a cake into an odd number of symmetrical slices. It’s masterful.
The Dork Lord doesn’t have the same hang-ups with fair – in his mind, what’s his is mine, period, and what’s mine is his and it will all work out in the end. I probably don’t have to tell you that’s not quite concrete enough for me. I demand precision! This philosophical difference causes relationship hiccups from time to time, but even he can’t deny he’s grown to love the spreadsheet.
Last night, I dragged myself home later than usual – literally, dragged. By the time I crossed the apartment’s threshold, I was pulling my laptop bag behind me by its strap, my purse hanging from my wrist doing uncomfortable things to my circulation. Everything hit the floor at once. Laptop, purse, shoes, keys, sunglasses, jacket. And then I crawled onto the couch next to the Boy and pulled a blanket up to my chin.
“I think I might be dead.”
“What can I do for you right now that would make it even a little bit better?”
I thought for a second but said nothing. Everything I came up with would land one or both of us in jail and that’s not exactly what this relationship needs right now.
“How about a cheap dinner out?”
Cue the balancing act in my brain. Dinner sounded awesome. But it’s hard to eat healthy out and do it on the cheap. Speaking of cheap, spending any money right now is the quickest way to give me an eye twitch. And you remember that damn eye twitch.
“Or,” he offered, “I could put something in the microwave…”
“No, let’s go out, ” I said, doing some mental math. Carry the one. “I need it.”
Dinner was all things cheap, healthy and relaxing and while we were finishing up eating and talking about our days, the Dork Lord leaned over for a kiss.
“I’m glad I could take you to dinner.”
“Me, too. Just what I needed.”
And then he said the words that made my heart flutter.
“Baby, don’t put this on your spreadsheet.”
I like him.
That almost made me cry.
I love this a lot!
Adorable. Love you guys!
I am so “in-love” with you guys right now.
Keeping our finances fair and even has, I’m sure, kept many arguments from ever occurring! I love doing things right down the middle.. and if we feel like spoiling each other than that’s just fine! Otherwise, we split everything down the middle and our money is our own. And I like it that way! I’ve had the husband and the shared bank account and the shared credit cards… won’t be doing that again!
My live-in boyfriend and I do things similarly, but maybe with not so much precision. I own the house, so I pay the mortgage, but he pays all the utilities. It’s not exactly 50/50, but close enough. We also share a credit card that we put “household expenses” on like groceries, home depot, dinners out, etc. and that gets split right down the middle. I never feel shorted and neither does he. The trick is finding what works best for both of you. I know of some people where one person makes significantly more than the other and those are trickier situations.
I also wanted to say thanks again for your great post about buying cars. I’m buying a used car this week and have learned a lot. I did a ton of research and the only part that I was somewhat unhappy with was the trade-in value of my car. I went in thinking $2500, it’s an older car with over 100k miles, but it runs great and has no major issues. They are giving me $2000 for it, only because of what the carfax shows. When I bought the car the carfax I was showed had no accidents and I would be the second owner. Turns out they didn’t show me the right carfax (probably on purpose) because it does have accident history prior to me and several additional owners prior to me. Therefore I learned a valuable lesson to double check the vin on the carfax with the vin on the car.
Awww… that made me smile.
♥ You two are so MFEO!!
Is this by any chance a jack’s mannequin reference??
Beyond cute.
Awww…heart melting…
Very sweet! And incredibly romantic!!!!!!
perfect!
Firstly, super cute! Secondly, ahhh cake cutting theory, I took a class on that in high school. No, seriously I did, it was called Discrete Math and cake cutting theory was a few of days of lessons and a test question.
“Baby, don’t put this on your spreadsheet.”
To the rest of the world…..maybe kinda odd.
To your unit….Golden!
May you have many more moments without plugging into Excel.
I love it!
I love when you share little bits of pure joy like this. Thank you!
The spreadsheet makes me laugh. Guess who just worked up one of those last night for the new house expenses?? My DL!
Because we married a bit older and have separate property/investments/inheritances, we did his/mine/ours on the checking accounts. We contribute equally to the “family” account for house bills, groceries, going out for dinner together, etc. We maintain our separate accounts for bikes (him) and running stuff (me) and our own vehicles/gas/etc.
My DL is very conscious of “fair” if he’s going to buy something that he’ll primarily eat/use. I’m the one who has to keep reminding him to use the “family” account.
Can’t wait to read about you getting your NEW HOUSE KEYS!
Adorable. My husband and I have done this our entire relationship. It is different now because we’ve combined our account but we still try to keep things very fair. (The accountant in me.)
I love this. Exactly the kind of thing to make my heart flutter, actually.
Question though: what do you think a couple should do when one makes significantly more than the other? I’ve always been with men who paid more, though I’m with someone now who wants to split everything down the middle. For example, regardless of what each person has at a restaurant, 50/50. Do you pay for what you personally owe, pay 50/50, or pro-rate based on income? Not just dinner, but vacations, concert tickets, etc… thoughts? We don’t own property or live together, but tell me what you would do if we did. I need some perspective, as I feel so strongly and want to hear your gut reaction. It’s a very big issue for me.
Off topic from Fish, even though those are the moments that make my analytical heart flutter as well.
I was always a 50/50 person… until I was laid off from my lucrative 6 figure job. The SO still has his lucrative 6 figure job so making $30K a year has been quite a change for my ego and our relationship. I just try and be honest with him. I let him know exactly what I can afford out each week – my budget includes: (1) coffee, (1) lunch, (1) dinner. That’s it. I also do not feel the need to go out very often whereas he does. When we go out… I typically buy breakfast or coffee (something in the under $30 range which I then mentally mark as my “dinner of the week”) and he buys the more expensive meals. Lately, I have been purchasing groupons and he pays the balance of the bill – that has worked out well for both of us. Our other rule: I buy groceries and make our “at home” dinners, which helps out the ratio as well….
As for vacations and fun stuff – we still typically split 50/50, or as a surprise to the other person. It’s a constant conversation and one that involves a lot of diplomacy. He randomly said yes to go out with his d.i.n.k (double income, no kids) friends and just our portion of the evening was $600…. I put in $100… because that’s what I could afford. I think he was annoyed until I pointed our that they are his friends, they made the plan, and he said yes without consulting me.
So… very long answer for a short summary: it’s often VERY uncomfortable, but talk it out. Otherwise it becomes this big issue for both of you. Sit down with your budget and explain it if you have to- and be fair: if you’re making the same or more than your significant other then WHY would you expect him/ her to pay more than you??
Good luck!
A
I love this post. Me and my Mr. Wonderful are the same way – I’m a stickler for precision and he thinks everything will work out and that we should just share. I love that you guys use spreadsheets like we do!
Love… makes our hearts a flutter
I like his style.
Like roast chicken on a rainy saturday night here in Oz, with friends a bottle of vino and a new born baby to snuggle…. LOVE
“Baby, don’t put this on your spreadsheet.”
I can just see Humphrey Bogart saying something like that! LOL
BUT SERIOUSLY, Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. Sometimes the “unromantic planning” can lead to touching moments, even if unplanned.
My wife and I throw everything into one pool of money. When we were dating and got married, my income was so much higher than hers that I figured I would be paying for everything anyway. Now she is a stay-at-home Mom, but she writes most of the checks. I just “Reconcile” in Quicken.
Ahhh, ain’t love grand!
I just moved in with my boyfriend and we trying to figure out the best equation for keeping things separate but equal. I’m also trying to pay down debt.
From your posts I’m always impressed by the way you are doing that. Do you have any tips for how to get started and sticking to a budget? You may already have a post on this, so sorry if I missed it.
Oh my, do you have a stop watch by the bed too so the two of you spend equal amounts of time on top and bottom??? Is it digital or the old school kitchen timer?
Notice you delete all posts critizing you but leave all the ones of praise. You must really need that boost to your ego.
Um, all comments go to moderation. All of them. They don’t post until I get up in the morning and post them.
My bad, the post went up then disappeared.
No, actually it didn’t. I was about to approve your comment when your second, even more boneheaded comment appeared. You were ready to pick a fight, over absolutely nothing.
Just noticed that NO ONE disagrees with you. Maybe just a coincidence.
Because it’s a PERSONAL blog. This isn’t politics. If you want to criticize how I live my life, you *might* want to keep that to yourself because well, that pretty much just reflects on your character and not mine.
If you’re on duty, you should probably be working. Or, do hospitals not work that way any more?
Found your link in the history on this computer, and since its a little slow I checked it out and used it for my entertainment tonight.
Curious as to how you know where the posts come from. Interesting…
Oh Fish knows everything. Has ever since we were little. It’s super annoying when you’re trying to leave anonymous quips or borrow any of her clothes.
I’m in a pretty serious relationship and I understand that money issues can be sticky. Even more so when sharing a home, I’m sure! My BF and I are nearing engagement (I HOPE) and have started having the “how we will manage our money” conversations. Pretty stressful!! Perhaps I should hire you to keep me on a budget.
Ok, maybe I’m the only one who feels compelled to ask (scratch that–BEG) and please forgive me if someone has and you’ve responded…but I’m dying to get some assistance with the ‘fair’ in my marriage. I feel that I don’t give enough although he says I do. That said, could you pretty please with sugar on top and sprinkles, share your masterful spreadsheet template so the rest of us can get our acts together?
At your mercy,Fish.
Cordy.
PS. This is me begging. Not my best look but it sure beats Pajama Jeans!
sometimes you two just make me sigh…and smile…
and then I read some of the comments and laugh a little.
Wow. What a way to wake up, huh?! Tsk!
Sorry to see that that was the beginning of your day. I’m hoping the rest of it was much better.
I’m so slow, I didn’t get it at first. But then when I re-read it, my eyes teared up before I truly registered what you meant… Ta daaa… Keeper!