“Belgian waffle with strawberries, two pieces of bacon and orange juice, please.” I order without picking up the menu.
“And coffee, yes?” The waiter smiles. I nod.
He probably wonders, as I do, why we bother to go through this ordering process. It’s always the same. Same table in the corner by the window, same order. Same hefty supply of Equal and one refill of coffee so I can sit and people watch while the syrup soaks the bits of waffle I’m too stuffed to finish.
It’s three o’clock in the afternoon and I’m having breakfast at the diner across the street from my apartment. I’m eating by myself, like I always do on the weekends. Usually this is my Sunday morning occupation, but today, I know I won’t leave the house at all unless it’s to sit, spacey-eyed and watch butter pool in waffle squares.
The waiter, whose name I should know by now (I will remember to ask next week), brings me my waffle and then leaves me alone to think. Everything is gorgeous. The strawberries are not piled on, but arranged in rows of shiny red, two layers deep. Even the butter pats are carefully placed in a semicircle around the syrup pitcher. That’s diner waiter speak for, I secretly love you. The overly generous tip I always leave says, I secretly love you back.
Today I’m feeling alone. It’s not the same thing as lonely, which can sometimes just happen to me. Lonely sends me scrambling for my cell phone. Reach out and touch someone. Alone, on the other hand, is on purpose. I relish feeling alone. I eat all by myself and nap so much that I out-nap even the cat. I am a rock, I am an island.
I spent yesterday feeling too connected, too concerned and too human. I suppose that this is how I recover. I disconnect, wrap a band-aid around my glowing ET finger and refrain from too much human contact.
My exchange with the waiter doesn’t count — I think, in part, because of its simplicity. We know exactly what we expect from one another and as long as there are fresh strawberries in the kitchen and a few extra bucks in my wallet, no one will be disappointed.
It might sound as though there’s a metaphor or two in there, but right now, I’m really only talking about breakfast.
I, personally, cherish my alone time. I can go days if I want to, perfectly happy being by myself. Observing others in a park with my book that I won’t read. Or at home working on music or me.
In other news. I recently attempted a week of vegetarianism, but had to opt for pescetarianism instead. I couldn’t give up my fish.
I’ve recently been tempted to go eat breakfast somewhere by myself, which for some reason, I’ve never done before. I think I’ll use your post as my motivation to go sit at The Waffle House by myself sometime soon, although I doubt there’ll be any intimate exchanges between me and the waiting staff there.
Corned Beef Hash, eggs over easy, wheat toast, large OJ.
The toast varies sometimes.
it’s pleasing to know someone else besides me naps so much that she out-naps the cat. i did that today and thoroughly needed it. and eating out alone is one way of re-centering myself. i’m glad to know you, too, relish feeling alone sometimes.
I’ve always felt sorry for the people that couldn’t eat alone. The people who were too insecure to sit by themselves and eat.
My cousins introduced me to your site. I love reading it because I feel that everyday there’s something about how we are the same, yet completely different. I’ve felt alone these past couple of days and today I spent driving. Running my normal and not normal errands, alone.
Thanks Fish!
ah, yes. alone time. i’m experiencing that right now, which would explain why i’m here commenting on your blog at 3a. the loml is in texas for two weeks visiting kids, grandkids and friends, so i’m left to my own devices (emphasis on the vices – too much caffein, staying out/up late and so forth (nothing too worrisome (at least yesterday/today))).
as always i enjoy your posts.
speaking of breakfast, i’m probably on of the few to have gone through basic training with a love of sos.
Some times I want to say something profound to you, because your entries are mostly just that. Instead I am just left nodding my head sagely and in wonder at that which is This Fish.
Not long ago I was in a new city, in a new country for a week. I quite enjoyed being able to eat on my own. It was quite different to my ‘normal’ life.
as soon as you publish something to be purchased – i will buy, and buy again for gifts for everyone i know
thank you
I have very recently stumbled onto your blog and am cursing my luck I hadn’t done so earlier. Breakfasts and coffee and symbiosis with waiters…so few can appreciate this quiet solitude. Thank you for your prose.
Hi Fish, delurking to tell you that I so enjoy your entries. I’m a big fan of eating alone–I just returned from a month-long solo trip to Italy and let me tell you, it takes guts to do that (eat alone, I mean). But, I too, cherish the quiet moments, every one needs a break from humanity. I remember reading this somewhere: “In general, I think, human beings are happiest at a table when they are very young, very much in love, or very alone” ~ M. K. Fisher
Thanks for sharing your writing! Take care, J.
I’m having one of those days today — in fact, I try to do a “Me Day” at least once per weekend. Reading your post made me feel a lot less alone in my aloneness. Thank you! Enjoy your day.
I love my alone time…relish it. I need it more often than I get it. I was an only child for 11 years, so I have certain patterns that cannot be altered. However…my husband who was an only child for only 2 years in a house with 7 poeple…just doesn’t get it.
So, I envy your time spent with the strawberries…if I tried to do something like that it would be misunderstood completely.
So…I’ll go mad. But he won’t be lonely.
I’m de-lurking after a couple of years of reading to say… I miss those days. Not that I don’t love my mate with a ferocious passion–I do. But sometimes I think back to what it was like to live alone…eat alone…go to movies alone…spend time alone. (Notice that I conveniently left out the ‘going to clubs alone’ part…that was just depressing…although I did my best to keep up the party girl act at the time.) So now? I NAP (and nap and nap and nap). I get my alone time however I can.
Of course, as soon as I go to work and we put an end to all of this ‘just the two of us’ time, I’ll be longing for IT, too. 
Thanks Fish for your lovely entry. This is exactly what I’m doing today.
alone is where i define myself. alone is where i find peace. i relate. and as always, i love it.
i’m a huge fan of going out alone from time to time. you don’t have to entertain someone when you aren’t feeling social, you can go see whatever movie you want (even if it’s a sappy chick flick), and you can order everything with extra onions, supersonic garlic, and dessert too.
been doing that for years. i highly recommend that.
ditto to many of the aboves: i love me some alone time.
(coincidentally, ‘I am a Rock’ was my anthem song a year or so ago.)
just discovered your site today… and so thrilled that i did. congrats on all the recognition, i’m thrilled for you.
waffles, strawberries and a nap, sounds like a perfect day to me.
How is it that everyone who meets you loves you, H?
It’s my killer rack, G.
You are such a gift Fish…Thank you for your words.
Oh, you’re so much stronger than me. I cant be alone, or I will go insane with my thoughts. So envious of your waffles, your strength and your loving waiter relationship!!
this is is really beautiful.
“sometimes even a cigar is just a cigar” Sigmund Freud.
A hi from Paris
Delurking just to say: Lovely. I read it and then read it again. You are a beautiful writer.
Hi!
I’m just getting comfortable with all-day-me-days, sometimes I think its weird that I like to spend Saturday by myself, and refreshing to read that others enjoy the same solitude to recharge & chill out.
You always seem to hit the nail on the head!
Thanks
“I spent yesterday feeling too connected, too concerned and too human. I suppose that this is how I recover. I disconnect, wrap a band-aid around my glowing ET finger and refrain from too much human contact”–yes. You said it more eloquently than I could.
I use the time my husband’s deployed to enjoy these quiet moments alone.
When I tell people I go to movies or restaurants alone, I often get a look that says “are you crazy?” But it’s nice. Something about not having to make small talk or appease anyone is so relaxing.
I often go for a bite to eat and to the movies by myself. In fact about 30-40% of the movies I see are by myself. I really enjoy it. That’s when I want to be alone.
When I’m feeling lonely I can’t leave the house. Everything is just miserable and the world seems to big. Sundays are the worst I find, as they are this big anticlimax from Saturday, and if the weather is good you (or I do) feel plagued by feelings of “I should be doing something” but not being able to actually do anything, or really just wanting to do something with someone who doesn’t want to do it with you.
Wanting to be alone is fine. Feeling lonely is rats poo.
Wow. I just wrote about the same feeling last week. Being alone is often my favorite feeling. Unlike lonley. I wish I had more days of just walking around and thinking; staring into my coffee trying to understand things better. I am an island.