“Why don’t you lose that attitude, Mel?”
“Why don’t you lose that weight?”
Justine laughed, “Oooh, girl!” and high fives were exchanged across the desk. Melanie grinned and looked at me as if to say, Wasn’t that a good one? But I refused to meet her eyes. Mine were stinging from embarrassment. I willed myself not to cry as I walked back to my own desk, hoping my thighs didn’t brush together or that my ass didn’t look especially wide in my pants.
I made for the bathroom where I hid in a stall and cried. At twenty-six, I would not have thought my ego would be so fragile. I won’t lie. If I had been at home, I’d have gone into the bathroom and thrown up my lunch.
March 5, 2005
grrrl, i blove you. i’m in your shoes right now, even at 32. those words stung me. i can totally relate. maybe it doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger such as me, but it means a lot coming from a ‘stranger’ such as you.
p.s. probably almost all of us reading think you’re beautiful. not that it matters. but you are.
ritz crackers?! where?! ::searching frantically for my d@mned peanut butter::
You tall, gorgeous idiot/genius.
Ouch…what a horrible comment for Mel to make, even jokingly. There are some things that should just never be said–even in jest.
Women can be so cruel sometimes. I always like hanging out with men for that reason, they are at least predictable.
Sorry you had to put up with such a meanie. I would have cried too!
What a Bitch! I would have slapped her.
not that i would wish ill on someone i’ve not met, but karma has a way of giving genital crabs to the melanies of the world. really, it’s her that i feel sorry for. that sh1t itches like a sonofabitch and really makes you cranky. the way you can tell if she’s having an episode is if she starts giving people attitude. i’m almost positive crabs is what caused nellie oleson to be so nasty to laura. (god, i’ve gotta update my pop culture references…)
my guess is if she could smile and look you in the eye after saying that, she really did think it was a joke- and not a comment on reality. no gal i know would ever say that to someone they thought really DID have a weight problem!
its horrible when our Achilles heal is pierced- im extra sensitive when it comes to my intelligence- even after completing a law degree with honours i still ‘feel’ it whenever anyone makes a comment about my vagueness- some days you can smile it off other days it shakes you to the core.
so you are pure gold. and maybe at the moment you have some extra gold. is that a bad thing? it is sexy if you ask me.
want me to kick her ass for you anyway. I will! I plan to be in nyc at the end of the month, so let me know, Fish.
Why is it even if it is obvious something like that is a joke, it still makes ya want to cry? I feel ya though. I would been the same way.
Someone said something like that to me 15 years ago. She said “God you’re ugly” in front of a group of friends. For years, I thought about her remark every time I caught a glimpse of my plain old face in the mirror. Then last year, I blogged about it, mentioned her by name, and got it out of my system. A few months later she was doing a vanity google, searching for references to herself on the internet. The only one she could find was this evidence that once, a long time ago, she was, in her words, an “absolute cow”. She wrote to me on my blog and apologised and expressed very sincere regret, and despair that nobody in cyberspace had anything nice to say about her. I’m fine with it now, it’s long forgotten, but I can’t deny enjoying her moment of excruciating discomfort.
bitches be jealous.
le fin.
Think of it this way, you can either A) Work to change your appearance based on what some loser says (not a good idea) or B) You can change the way you think about you. I already know that she’s ugly on the outside, because she’s ugly on the inside. You on the other hand are beautiful, just look deep inside yourself and you’ll see! She has a low class character flaw that she’ll never be rid of. Someday she’ll need a real friend and her ‘high-five partner’ will be no where in sight. You, however, are surrounded with friends. Who’s the lucky one?
Doesn’t sound like she’s a person worth exchanging words with. I’m impressed you were able to walk away from her – you’ve got class.
She’s actually a really nice girl. It was a joke gone bad, and it was my reaction to it, not the telling of it, that I was interested in when I wrote that.
I think you are warm, charming, and sexy. I bet you have great thighs. Even if you didn’t, I’d still think of you as an amazing woman.
Been there, done that. So sorry it hurt your feelings, but I agree, she must have bellieved you would take it as a joke. I imagine she envies you and finds you confident and admirable, and it came out in a bad bad way. Sometimes we are jealous or envious without even knowing it, and our tongues realize it before our brains do.
forget about it!
Ouch… I hate being shot in the insecurities. I’m sending you a virtual bouquet of good thoughts.
Some words, even in jest, are still words that we give meaning to and need to run to the bathroom to sob about.
Not out of sensitivity, but out of relevance. Some words just sting. No matter who said them or how they were said.
Especially if “how come you don’t lose that weight” is something we’ve repeated in our head well… repeatedly.
Way to bring back crying in the bathroom, by the way. I’ve not done it since one of those prom things.
I keep hoping that in those moments, I will think of something witty like, “Of course, I will, but you’ll still be ugly” a la Winston Churchill. But that wouldn’t be much better, and then I’d feel not only fat but mean-spirited as well….
Fugettaboutit Fish – you’re a hottie both inside AND out! My fiance swears I have a cyber crush on you…. she might be right
.
Dunno why, but your entry reminded me of a Seinfeld episode….
Riley: “You know, George, the ocean called. They’re running out of shrimp.”
George: “Oh yeah, Riley? Well, the jerk store called. They’re running out of you!”
Riley: “What’s the difference? You’re their all-time best seller.”
George: “Yah well, I slept with your wife!”
Boss guy: “His wife is in a coma.”
Gee Fish, it is scary that no matter how evolved we feel, hoe sophisticated, how grown up, how moved along we appear to be to those outside, that in fact we still carry that some tender high school spot. And it sounds like yours was zinged. Hopefully, intellectually you know that all the comments the others left are true, but I also hope that emotionally the sting lessens.
You know how I respond to things like that? With ice cream. Some people call that self-destructive. I call it comfort.
I’m so sorry Fish. I would’ve cried, too. I’m sure she was just trying to be funny, but it still hurts.
the embarrassment and humiliation never ends. i’m on the path to lose 30 pounds and i WOULD have cried if someone said that to me. fight it!
I wore courdoroy pants yesterday. My thighs practically started a friction fire each time I walked around. I’m surprised Smokey the Bear wasn’t following me around.
she obviously suffers from Foot in Mouth disease. I have it too and I have to say she wouldn’t have said it if you you really were fat.
I think i have to agree with Ari. And having been the creator of many “jokes gone bad” this story will make me think twice before I run my mouth in attempts to be funny.
There are those third rails that we all have, many of us the weight issue, but perhaps something else. It hurts, it’s deep and we suffer our attachment to it regardless of all rationality. Just know you responded in any way that a good many of us would have. A second thought, however. Please be careful with the purging thoughts and perhaps actions. They have a way of getting out of hand very quickly. Very quickly.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! I can feel that one all the way over on the west side.
Remember, throwing up will rot your teeth. That’s a lot less hot than a little junk in the trunk.
I would have punched her right in her boobies and said, Why don;t you lose your attitude. And then done a neck roll.
You know, Mel really does have a bad attitude, and who are either of them to comment (or praise such a comment) as stinging as that. It’s no secret that women- ALL WOMEN, have a fixation about their weight, whether or not it’s justified. You should just be happy that you’re not as miserably sour and vindictive as Mel.
At 30, my ego is still fragile. Every day when I order my extra hot latte, my (skinny) Starbucks barista always “calls” it as an extra hot, non-fat latte. I always think it is a passive agressive way of saying that I’m a fatty who should be drinking non-fatty. I’d like to give her a grande punch in the head.
By the way, what does the March 5th 2005 date at the bottom stand for?
as someone who has made a joke and then realized it struck a cord, i apologize for her.
i’d like to believe that she, like me, would like to go back and explain that she didnt mean it the way it came out, nor did she mean it seriously – it truly was a joke – and she is sorry that she said it and that it hurt you…
yet, sometimes you think it better to keep your mouth shut than continue on and try and ‘explain’ yourself…
i did that to my sister once – made a joke and realized it struck one of her insecurities – BADLY. and i have wanted to apologize ever since, but never really knew how to bring it up again without inflicting the pain again…
so with the assumption that mel is like me, i apologize for her.
maybe mel will run into my sister and can apologize for me one day…
Why is it that it is always the least flawed who are the most insecure about themselves? It’s funny how you can open up to all of the world here, but a little comment like that, made in fun, can rattle you so much. The mind is a strange thing.
Having been the “high five partner” in this particular situation and been there for the entire exchange, it’s as simple as one smart ass comment begets another.
If you’re gonna make snide comments, be prepared to get snide comments in return. Nobody says they won’t hurt.
I have to stick up for Mel in this case and I sure hope she doesn’t get genital herpes.
I’m sorry that what was meant as a joke hurt your feelings. What really matters is how you see yourself, and that comment, even as a joke, struck a nerve.
I’m another foot-in-mouth person. I wish I could take back all the stupid things I’ve said that seemed so funny until I found out they weren’t.
I think you over reacted a little mama, I mean; I’ve been avoiding my full length mirror and also going shopping for pants! And certainly I don’t need anybody remanding me how fat my ass is getting because of all the candy that keeps getting to the office. But you know Justine, it was a Joke, you shouldn’t have paid attention to it.
A few years back, I dropped a considerable amount of weight. One night at a party with lots of people I hadn’t seen in awhile, a male friend had said, “Wow, Cathy …you are looking great”. I was feeling really good and proud of myself until one catty bitch that I knew but not well said to the nice guy “You are a Taurus, aren’t you? They are known liars” I died a little inside after that remark and spent the rest of the evening wondering if the new pants I was wearing made my ass look fat. Ms Bitchy McBitchfest turned out to be a crack whore. Go figure.
That is awful!!
I sympathize … a few months ago, I too cried in the restroom at work (which happened to be a new job that I happened to despise, making it all worse).
In my case, a woman asked if I was pregnant. And she was serious.
Of course, the worst part is I’m aware that I truly do appear pregnant although I’ve never been with child!
Yikes.
I know it hurts.
Shut the f up! How dare she say that? Not that I consider myself like a total Miss Manners or anything but my mother taught me to never comment on a another girl’s weight, age or looks (unless you are truly telling her how nice she looks)… That is zero class no matter how much of a joke she meant it to be….
That’s about as low as dirt can get when someone attacks your weight in retaliation to a justified request to stop being a bitch.
You did nothing but prove that she has an attitude problem. It’s childish and I can’t believe a person could stoop that low to even say it to someone’s face.
I’m sorry. But I do agree with everyone who’s already said this: you’re beautiful. Inside and out.
Mel can suck it.
Again, I gotta say, I really like Mel a lot. This was so much more about my reaction — my own inseucrity — than anything.
Let us please refrain from wishing ills on Melanie.
damn heather, I just got done assembly my “Mel” voodoo doll and I was looking forward to poking it with pins
Actually, Mel’s response was a really good quip given that it came from a woman. Men are never allow to use weight as fodder in their comments or quips. I’ve long learned that the answer to the question “does this dress make me look fat” is always a resounding no.
It always amazes me how we react to things even when we know it wasn’t a big deal. It just takes that one nerve to get struck and you really feel it, no matter how much perspective you have on the situation.
I admire you and your writing Fish, the situation sucked and I would’ve reacted to it too. You’re human, thanks for sharing.
Jokes are not meant to be hurtful. I have yet to learn the art of not to take comments personal and I am 32 years old. Women are not sensitive about having an attitude, but they are about being under/over weight. I read an article and it states that people should remember 3 things before opening their mouth. 1) It is useful 2) Is it true 3) Is it kind.
I had my own cry in the bathroom moment today, and what I did is let the person know by with what they said, that it brought me to tears. They apologized, and had no idea. So if Mel is the approachable type, let her know. You may save her from doing it to someone else. Cheer’s to the bathroom club, seems to be an awesome private place to go.
Oh, my heart totally sank when I read this. I feel your pain darling. We ALL do.
The saddest part for me to read was your last sentence. Hugs.
I think that everyone has had their insecurity slammed in thier face at one point or another…it stings no matter what age you are.
Well… F___ Me. What’s with the typos here. REDO!
Wow! This post has turned Nuclear! 50 replies so far. The Katrina Relief post in September only got 15 comments!
What some you might be missing is that Hardcore New Yorkers treat Sarcasm as highly regarded Art Form. We handle Sarcasm the way Rembrandt used a brush. The pace and pressure and stress of Gotham brings out our best and worst wit. We don’t really intend to hurt. Just be prickly enough to keep the Irritants away. And don’t even start with me about New Yorkers and Ironyâ¦
I suspect Mel performed an instinctive reaction to an incoming jab. Not really meant to be damaging. I think it hit one of your buttons, and you reacted as we all do when buttons get hit. We each have touchy issues, and everybody’s is a bit different. But when it hits, Hooooboy!
You retreated to the ladies room for a cry. I probably would have grabbed the first object in reach and thrown it at the offending party’s head. The point is that buttons were hit and reactions were automatically triggered.
The AMAZING PART is that you posted your experience. I find that putting this stuff out is remarkable. Most Blogs in general, and YOURS. in particular, put out Stuff that is awkward and potentially embarrassing. I find this fearless, funny and very compelling. We humans are some pretty goofy creatures. But it takes a Unique One to publicly point it out.
Atta Girl….
I wish I had the answer. The method by which we all could purge these unreasonable responses. Make me dictator of the world and I’d force advertising into a form that causes less insecurity. No more selling through fear. But I suspect that wouldn’t be enough. People would just find other things to be insecure about.
All we can do is share our follies, realize that everyone has them and try and not to let them get the better of us next time.
Oh wait, that’s what you did!
Good on yah, wise Fish.
You know, that running counter at the bottom of the comments box is a real temptation. Do I have 930, no, 921, no 913… characters more to say? Nah, probably not, or at least not anything worth reading.
*hugs*
What is the March 5th thing all about?
Sorry Mel struck a chord, I would have been pissed, but you know her better than the rest of us so I trust your thoughts on her character…. But I would have snapped.
As a matter of fact I kind of did today over a almost similar deal today. My boss’s son (a bit power hungry? might be hard to eat with that silver spoon in your mouth a-hole)calls me into the conference room to discuss my work load. I am the only non-related employee so my work load sucks in a HUGE way but no one thinks I do anything, so I immmediatly took it personal. He tried to joke about it, didn’t work.
Next thing you know I am telling his sister-in-law that I am going to either quit or try my best to get fired because he is a total ass…. and I went on and on. Getting louder and louder as I went. Total meltdown.
See I wish I would have went into the bathroom and threw up my lunch instead. Would have been more productive. (yuck, just realized how that sounded).
“If you’re gonna make snide comments, be prepared to get snide comments in return. Nobody says they won’t hurt.”
How very compassionate and understanding of you- “high-fiver Justine”. As Fish has pointed out- it was her reaction she was commenting on- not the motivation behind what was actually said.
I’m having flashbacks to school girl poltics of grade 5 here…
its a bummer, no matter how good we feel about ourselves, someone’s offhand comment can cut us to the core, and bring back all the insecurities of childhood. good thing you know how beautiful you are, so hopefully it was only a momentary lapse!
a friend guessed my Halloween costume as my big fat Greek wedding, when I was, actually, a geek goddess. she meant nothing. but it’s amazing how much “nothing” can hurt sometimes.
usually when people say negative things it’s so they don’t feel so bad about theirs. there was a girl when i was younger. tried to manipulate me into doing the things she did. it took awhile but i realized she wanted to bring me to her level so she could feel relatively better. i’m not sure if that makes sense. misery loves company.
nevermind that anyways. you’re smart and interesting and i haven’t seen you but without a doubt i know you’re beautiful.
and don’t forget, everyone’s fragile. in a society where seemingly perfect specimens litter magazines and movies there’s so much to live up to. but it’s not natural and people have a hard time grasping that. what they’re taught to think is normal is anything but.
This is the first time I’m reading your blog, and this has been the only post i’ve read so far. Listen, if that photograph is you at awl, then, woman, ur absolutely stunningly gorgeous! And since you yourself believe that ur friend didn’t mean to hurt ur feelings, then maybe it’s just ur sense of guilt about not doing anything about ur weight that made u upset? *altho that mugshot says u can’t be fat* I’m really not trying to read ur mind, just that, this stuff happens to me all the time, and it used to bother me, till i started to do sumthing abt it. From one fat woman to another, eat ur heart out, and then exercise, ur seriously very good-looking, so stop equating fat with ugly.
> “suspect Mel performed an instinctive reaction to an incoming jab. Not really meant to be damaging. I think it hit one of your buttons, and you reacted as we all do when buttons get hit. We each have touchy issues, and everybody’s is a bit different. But when it hits, Hooooboy!”
Advice to Mel: The best defence to an incoming jab is to move yourself off the centre line so that you are not facing the other person’s body square on. That way you can manage to “slip” it, and still look good. If you’re not quite fast enough to dodge it in this way, you ought to parry: Parrying should be quite subtle, like you’re waving away a fly that is about to land on your nose. Counter-attacking with a strong cross can also be performed at this point — but it is advisable not to cry if things don’t go according to plan. That’s part and parcel of free sparring. If you start to cry, you may as well just call it quits!
OK, what this Mel gal said was pretty bitchy – never ever make a rude comment about another womans weight – it’s just low – any woman with half a heart knows that. However sounds to me like Fish was being kinda bitchy too – “why don’t you lose that attitude” – I don’t think I would react too kindly to a colleague pulling that shit with me. To be fair, I wasn’t there, so don’t know what prompted Fish to say this, but neither were any of you – so why don’t you all lighten up just a wee bit on Mel – there are 2 sides to every story, and Mel isn’t here to tell hers.
Chin up Fish – we’ve all felt like this at some time or other, and sadly I suspect that the fragility of the ego is not going improve with age, but I think that you’ve done a brave and good thing by writing about this – makes us all feel a little less alone.
Haven’t we all left high school?
How cruel, I am truly sorry you experienced such unkindness.
However, I think all your comments show we can relate to the hurt.
Did Melanie realize her mistake and apologize? Stuff happens, I have continual hoof-in-mouth disease and say the wrong things all the time.
Suck it up – she’s a friend who made a bade joke – nothing more.
I have never said anything to the contrary.
But ‘suck it up’? You must be one of those super evolved humans who comes without those pesky things we call feelings. Especially that burdensome ‘sympathy.’ Lucky you!
One: If people still haven’t gotten it, my impression is that March 5th is when this episode actually took place, it was just posted now.
Two: I wonder if, in examining your own delicacy (I was about to say weakness but I don’t know if that’s the right word) on this point, you’ve come up with a solution as to how to avoid it in the future? It sounds like in this case the conversation veered and it was unexpected (like having a tickle fight with someone and suddenly they slap you, hard) but since you’ve thought about it and are aware of what happened, is there some way you can work on yourself so that you can avoid it in the future (whether mentally or physically)? Or do you just resign yourself to the fact that this is a sore spot with you (as it seems to be with most women, judging by the comments) and “accidents” (not because she didn’t mean to say it but because she didnt’ mean it to hurt like it did) will happen?
You’re obviously a better person than I could be because I tend to take things personally, especially comments about my weight.
I can see how that comment would hurt, especially when you’re having a day when you’re just not feeling like you ‘got it going on’. we all have those days and instead of cutting each other down, we need to support each other. it was your reaction to what she said that you’re writing about, not what she said. you can admit that it stung and your reaction, like all of your postings, was honest. kudos.
ugh. girls DO suck. There are rumors going around that I am prego, even though I just got into a smaller size of jeans I have not seen in years. maybe I could use a good cry to get it out of my head already.
I thought I’d check up on you and see how my fav marketing girl was doing. I’m pretty sure everyone has made this mistake at one time in their life… open mouth insert foot. As a semi intelligent man-boy I make it a rule to never comment on a females looks unless asked, but now and again we all get too comfortable and say soemthing stupid. I’m sorry you got stung and I know you’ll be ok but I wanted to sent you some love anyway. I’ve always thought that most females are concerned with being thin when in fact most of us look for more content not less, body and mind. One of these comments was excellent… “we are all perfect”. My thoughts exactly. Stay up my friend, it is where you belong.
Yikes!!! Suck it up? My understanding is that keeping all these feelings inside will either kill you or turn you into an unfeeling insensitive reader .. ah .. er .. I mean person.
You never know when someone will say something that will cut you to the core and stay with you. It’s happened to me, it happens to all of us, and it’s hard. I am sorry that it happened to you. I think your writing is wonderful. I came across your blog only days ago and I think you are amazing.
She did NOT say that. What a bitch. You don’t say that to a woman even if you’re joking. Hell, I’m a GUY and I know that much….
Must chime in. I have seen similar conversations go likewise downhill because one person (the Mel character) wanted to shoot back in a way that would say “Don’t mess with me.” Perhaps telling her she has an attitide, or even jokingly suggesting that you know better than she about what she needs to change about her personality, hit her hard, too. Her response was probably a semi-subconscious attempt to say “Check ya’self.” Mission accomplished, no?
My point is that maybe your comment hit too close to home for her. In any case, regarding your response, thank you for being honest about your insecurities. Too often we use blogs or discussion IRL to reveal the best of ourselves and conveniently leave out the darker parts.
It’s a shame that people will still attack others over weight and appearances. Who are they to judge anyone? If you were merely asking her why she had such an attitude problem, it was just that, and can be adjustable. But to attack someone; to hurt them over appearances—EVEN if you are as thin as a rail, she probably knew this would affect you like this. It’s just mean, and inconsiderate. I would really consider the source.
I’m Christian- so this reminds me of a scripture—it’s good in general anyway, so even non-believers will get the idea, and hopefully appreciate this.
Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, “Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,” when you can’t see past the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. ~Matthew 7:5
I hope that you can be able to put up a wall; a wall where no one can penetrate that heart of yours. Not the typical wall that most people put up, but the wall where no one can be able to hurt or attack you emotionally.
Apparently, this post upset me, because I can see how it upset you.
{{{{hugs}}}}
I agree with Jen above. “High-five girl” Justine’s comment was snide and inconsiderate. What a horrible thing to write after Fish has so bravely written something that is obviously very close to her heart. I wouldn’t wish your friendship on anyone!
Boy I bet Fish is thrilled about all this drama. Imagine the long weekend ahead waiting to go back to work.
Don’t you hate when you hit the send button just one second before your brain clicks in and screams NOOOOOOOOO
And here I always thought April was the cruellest month.
Really, it depends upon who said, “…change your attitude…” Perhaps your exchange–were there women involved?–between/among at least one woman, you the author being female, and Mel could be male or female (short for Mellissa)…..
OK, let me start over. Perhaps your exchange is the male equivalent of one guy saying, “jokingly,” that he’s gonna kill another guy. Some folks can take this one no problem, but with some serious stuff in my past, nope, not me. I never like death threats. Perhaps someone didn’t like hearing that she should change her attitude, took it in a very negative way as it were, and she shot back a cute little funny about your massive thighs.
Jab for jab. Dig for dig.
Being a guy, I don’t know how it works in your world. Nevermind. I’ll go. I do more on this topic at herboverstreet.com
Why aren’t you still posting? Your blog rocks!
you remind me so much of carrie bradshaw…dont know why !
I’m walking home from the train station every night – 30 min walk. I’m eating salads every night. I’m doing what I can to keep my weight low and gettign anxious about it.
But JK, your comment has just become a reminder to love myself: “so you are pure gold. and maybe at the moment you have some extra gold. is that a bad thing? it is sexy if you ask me.”
I have extra gold. And that’s kinda OK.
Whatever. This does not lessen my desire to totally make out with you.
Just found your blog. Great writing. How fun. I’ll stop back.
I don’t have much more to say on that awful snide comment. So wrong on so many levels. Women really need to stop being so mean to one another.
I just want to say that your writing is some of the best that I have found in my blog travels. I have sent your URL to so many girlfriends with much joy in my heart to be sharing such a touching, real person out there in the blog universe. You rock.
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. And, screw anyone who feels the need to make you feel that badly.
Girls have a way of cutting deep with insults. And we know how to do it–just pull the weight card, even if it’s untrue. Most of us are insecure about it, so it works. It’s a horrible thing to do and it’s a cheap trick. To those who use it, I hope karma gets them back ten-fold. When will girls learn to support, and not insult, one another? I hate how catty we are to one another–we’re all beautiful, let’s just embrace it and channel that negativity and make it into something good. Pretty please.
i called my mom and asked her to mail me the clothes i’d left in storage at her house.
she called the next day to say that she’d mailed “most of them”
“i didn’t want to waste postage on the things that will be too small for you anyways.”
I don’t care who you are…those words would sting anyone. I went to visit my grandparents with my mother (who just lost some weight) and my grandmother says to my mother “Oh you look wonderful!” and then looks at me and says “Now all we need to do is work on you!” That was in 8th grade…I am now 24, and it still bothers me.
There are two things in life that women should never critisize each other about, men and weight!
I would have done the same thing, only after I wiped my tears i would have gone for an ice cream cone!!!
don’t listen to her. she’s obviously trying to control the situation in the most petty way possible…no one likes having their weight be discussed. Furthermore, i know you and know that you could stand to GAIN 10lbs as opposed to lose them. Chin up, girly.
Fish, where are you? You have not written in days. It’s a new week and I bet a carton of “phish” food and package of gummy worms can put a smile on your face.
Hooboy – guess this must be the only topic that got so many of us chipping in with our thoughts, experiences & advice on the same.
High time we left that topic & moved on…. am sure Fish has, only I don’t know to where, for I don’t see a more recent post.
Hey Fish, come back – we’re all waiting for more!!
Hoping to see ya soon….
I used to have the same reaction when well-meaning people would inquire sweetly, “Awww…when are you due?” when I wasn’t even pregnant. It’s amazing how painful a sting an innocent, flippant remark can leave behind. A big red handprint on your psyche. I try really hard to remember that whenever I cavalierly open my own mouth.
THE JOKE WAS MEAN. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO SAID IT OR HOW IT WAS SAID THE PERSON WHO SAID IT NEEDS LESSONS IN MANNERS. THIE PERSON HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND HAS A ENVIOUS HEART. BE THE BETTER PERSON.
The plain and simple truth is, people will say things they know run a risk of hurting you because that gives them the upper hand in the situation; and quite frankly, that’s a sad way of associating with people, but there will always be people like that. And its only human to have your feelings hurt over something like that, it’s bullshit. ::Sigh:: but you’ll be alright, and if you ever feel the need to be mean and a little immature back, just say, “I may be heavier than you, but I could lose this weight and you’d still be ugly!” Ha!
âWhy donât you lose that attitude, Mel?â
Hmm, sry, but imho this is highly insulting (but it depends on what was said before, sure). I think attitude is tied to character. And most of the time you really don’t change your attitude, you just decide to hide it, e.g. you’re friendly to your boss even if you think he’s an asshole.
So Fish’s snarky outburst leaves the impression of ‘I don’t like your character, Mel’ and this deserves a forceful answer. But ok, I’m a male foreigner so what do I know about what US women may find insulting? Made this faux pas several times and still don’t understand why women are so thin skinned about their weight…
its wrong to comment on anothers weight. but we all do it. insecurity, self-worth…or lack of maybe the case. but in todays society we are all different, beautiful, ugly, perfect and in-perfect. i wear a size 14. i dont have a problem with it, and neither does guys. and my co-workers, well they can all just kiss my size 14 butt !!
This woman is obviously threatened by you. You have something that she doesn’t have, and it makes her jealous. People usually don’t go after people like that unless jealousy is involved somehow. She is lacking in something….maybe you’re in a relationship & she isn’t, maybe you’re in a better place financially, or maybe she is jealous of a certain personality trait that you have and she doesn’t. Next time she makes a comment like this, don’t give her the satisfaction of getting upset…but don’t lower yourself and insult her back with juvenille digs. That is what she’s expecting you to do, so you’ll know she’ll have plenty of combacks ready. Instead, I would just say, “Why don’t you grow up. We’re not in high school anymore.” Saying something like this will make her feel extremely immature and stupid… If she keeps going, walk away and just laugh. You will come off as the bigger person, she’ll look like a fool….which is exactly what she is.