I’m camped out in the living room, Sir Hal asleep on my feet, Ella Enchanted on the TV, laptop on… well, on my lap… and I’m ready to get back to this blogging business.
But before we get into the requisite New Year’s Resolution post, I’d like to share a couple highlights from my Christmas break:
I overheard two homeless men arguing… about whether I was a boy or a girl. And here I thought only high school and Self Magazine could make me feel bad about myself so effectively. Maybe they were just trying to toughen me up. You know, Hobo Self Image Lessons. Personally, I’d rather suffer through a workshop at the Learning Annex.
On a Harlem-bound bus, and for no other reason than I was the only person available, a pre-teen boy told me to lick his balls. I told him to let me know when they’d dropped. And not a single person was around to hear me being oh so clever. It was one of life’s great disappointing moments.
I hosted a spur-of-the moment coffee party. It made up for the bus disappointment and then some.
And, after three years of TV Free is the Way to Be, I went out and bought a television. You may have noted that in the opening sentence. I have a TV. And thus we arrive at the Resolution portion of tonight’s post.
In short, I discovered that I had been spending way too much time in my bedroom. When it occurred to me that I hadn’t sat on my living room sofa in oh, six months or so, and that I was doing more work in bed than I was doing sleeping, I made a decision. It was time to redefine my space.
When I was a nanny, I knew better than to allow toys in the crib. If I did, Junior would associate his bed with playtime. Similarly, I’d begun associating mine with bill-paying, blogging, email and whatever was in from Netflix. I was not using my bed for rest. Nor was I feeling rested in it.
So, I took the toys out of the crib.
No more movies on my laptop in bed. No more laptop in the bedroom period. The bed is for rest (and uh, other stuff) but it is not for work or subtitle reading. I vamoosed the computer to the living room. I got a TV for movies, a blanket for proper snuggling and left the bedroom void of stimulus. Well, not all stimulus. A girl’s gotta get to sleep somehow.
I don’t know whether to wink or clear my throat.
Anyway.
Honestly, this new Define My Space plan (which is working unbelievably well, by the way) can’t really count toward New Year’s resolutions. I actually started the project weeks ago. See, I make resolutions when things need resolving. When clothes are tight, I diet and get acquainted with gym equipment. When I realize I’ve said the fuck word nine times in a twelve-word sentence, I curtail the cussing. I don’t wait to do it on January 1st. On January 1st, I’m busy sleeping off what havoc I wreaked the night before and that is no time to be setting my mind on anything even remotely serious. It’s just so easy to say, “I’ll start tomorrow.” when your brain is swollen and your liver is still drip drying. On New Year’s Day, the last thing I want to do is be resolute. In fact, the last time I made and kept a New Year’s resolution was seven years ago when I vowed to drink more water. (I was way ahead of those Aquafina ad guys). Yes, indeed. I resolutely get my eight glasses of water every single day.
This Fish: Adequately hydrated since 1999.
woohoo! First commenter!
Man, I’m the opposite as far as livingroom/bedroom time goes. I haven’t slept i my bed for wekks and weeks. I always fall asleep on the couch. IT’s bad. I’m now going to a chiropractor. Hmm… perhaps that should be one of my resolutions (and I’m so totally with you on the only making resolutions when resolutions need to be made. I hate New Years Resolutions!) Enjoy your newfound living room!
This is a good post. I started my organizing the week after Christmas. Nothing like starting the new year with a clean slate.
At last, a refreshing ‘Resolution’ post. Thanks, and happy new year.
That’s probably the best resolution I’ve heard from anyone so far this year. Good Luck!
The comment about the dropped balls. I sincerely wish that i was a. there to hear it; b. came up with it myself when some pre-teen boy told me to lick _his_ balls. I only have good comebacks when i’m writing. NEVER when it’s a good time for one. Congrats on a new tv. I’m trying to redefine my apt space too, so I sympathise. Once I get my permanent laptop, the fun will begin!
Welcome back.
Re: the balls on the bus- I almost never think of a clever thing to say, until it’s too late.
Wait – I thought hoeing was hard… is it not??
Oh, don’t you worry. There will be hoeing. Stay tuned.
Every year I always feel panicked about making resolutions, surely I should be resolving to stop smoking or stop drinking too much or stop getting involved with unsuitable men but for some reason I never seem to stick, so last year I decided to make *determinations*. On my birthday.
And sod all the smug cliche’d New year resolutions so I applaud you!
And no lady can ever be left barren of stimuli in the bedroom, after all…
I vote for throat-clearing.
Funny, all this time I just assumed all this DVD watching was happening on a TV that just didn’t get used for regular TV watching. It’ll all be over once you discover the Style Network!
Nah, I still don’t get “TV” as it were. No cable, no nothin’. Just movies. Otherwise, I’d waste too much time.
I thought your new year’s resolution was for you to be nicer to me!
Oh wait, that was my new year’s resolution.
I was on the phone with the internet folks the other night when the technician said: “What? You don’t have cable on your TV?”
“No.”
“How do you survive?”
Seriously, do people find breathing and eating and sleeping difficult without cable television?
Hmmm, maybe life would be richer with NFL Sunday Ticket and E! ?
Happy ’06!
I watch my football, my Arrested Development and trashy reality TV (in small doses) at Ari’s house. I don’t need or want any more.
Except maybe a Lifetime movie here and there. But I can deal.
I don’t use the word “resolution.” For me, it’s just ch-ch-ch-changes (apologies to David Bowie). I turned 40 and didn’t want the age to dictate my physical features, so I joined a gym AND hired a trainer. Five weeks in and I got complimented on my ass last night!
Keep it up Fish!
“Seriously, do people find breathing and eating and sleeping difficult without cable television?”
Oh I definately do. No Veronica Mars, The Office, Project Runway, Food Network, or all the Friends/Will&Grace/Sex&TheCity re-runs on TBS every week?
I’m suddenly having a hard time catching my breath and I’ve totally lost my appetite.
Seriously though, just the thought of going back to life before Tivo is enough to make me start losing sleep.
Ella Enchanted on the TV
I noticed that right away!Congratulations and welcome to the, uh, 1950′s. No matter, you look cute in full skirts and little cardigans anyway.
Don’t let the hobos get to you – it’s not their fault if they still can’t tell the difference at their age….
I keep reminding myself that I *was* on my way home from the gym and that the baseball cap I was wearing obscurred my OBVIOUSLY delicate feminine features.
You always make me smile & laugh out loud! Nice post
I usually try to get organized for the new year. And for the summer. And again when school *used* to start. Part of that involves putting things where things belong, including me. Hey, it’s worth a try, right?
Shouldn’t all movies have random musical scenes? Especially at the end? It’s the best.
Happy New of Year, GirlFish.
Here’s to the “and uh, other stuff.” Good for you…
Ciao, Teri
Heather- so what what was their final answer? Boy or Girl? -gregg
This is a great blog! I’m laughing out loud. Happy New Year
(From a twenty something in Japan)
we need a resolution, as aaliyah said
Congrats on the bedroom thing. That has been a hard and fast rule in my life for a long time. I can’t even read in bed for more than 1/2 hour before I start to fall asleep!
I’m so sorry about the ball comment; I wish we’d all been there to hear it. But of course if we had, you wouldn’t have thought of it until you were in bed that night.