I know this will shock you. But I have not always been the paragon of kindness and grace that you see before you. No, I know it’s hard to believe. But it’s true.
When I was a kid, I used to lean over and spit on my sister from the top bunk. Nightly. I’d taunt her for a while, spitting a long, gooey stream, sucking it back in, giving her a false sense of safety and finally, let it go. I aimed for the pillow. And when she got moved to the nursery? I’d leave salt in her sheets.
I teased my brother for being fat. I rolled my eyes at my mother and made fun of her purple wind suit. I stole gum from the Texaco. I refused to participate in family discussions of any kind where feelings were shared (unless maybe there were cookies involved). I slapped my best friend Angie in the face. I drew dirty pictures (and got caught). I lied. A lot.
Even in high school and college, I had a pretty sharp edge. “Sarcastic to a fault.” That was the reason Jon gave for breaking up with me my senior year of college. My wit was biting, my tolerance for weakness, nil and I was perpetually annoyed.
I was not exactly a nice girl.
But something happened, and somewhere along the line, I turned into a complete chump.
I cry when I read the news. I can’t stand the thought of anyone getting their feelings hurt. Or being alone or scared. Even Iraqi dictators. I looooove talking about feelings and I call my sister four or more times a week to do so. I have not spit on anyone in years. Years, I tell you.
I am a changed woman. A nice girl.
Okay, fine. I still lie. But at least now I have the heart to feel guilty about it.
Sometimes.
oh my goodness, heather, you are my worst nightmare. i haaaate spit. oddly enough don’t mind it when kissing is involved
, but the description you wrote about torturing your sister made my skin crawl. yeeeucckk.
i think you still have a healthy enough dose of sarcasm left; no worries.
Yes, yes, as our earlier emails will attest; you are a very nice girl.
Ooh, Ari, you be quiet, you. I won’t help you plot evil againist your boss if you go and make it public.
So glad you gave up the spitting. And don’t worry, sometimes us nice girls aren’t what we seem.
How did you find the energy to be that sarcastic? I find it a really hard mood to keep.
Don’t worry too much about it. Being “nice” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I never did anything “bad” growing up therefore leading a pretty unadventerous life (so far). I am learning that a little badness is okay and even a necessity. The nice label does come in handy though for those times when you do something bad because no one believes it, they think you’re too nice!!
Ha, I can totally relate. I used to be quite callous and now get misty over EVERYTHING!
well goood for you NICe girl… me im trying to be a nice girl too… im trying to change my look coz people always sees me as mean looking…hhhhmmmm good thing i got lots of friends… ironic ha?!…
Relax you – not even Sir Hal in all his cuteness could get your secrets out of me
why is it that the spit trail thing bothered me more than anything else?
It’s age, I used to be as hard as nails, but just reading a sad story in the paper on the train can bring tears to my eyes. actually even reading a happy story.
if it helps, i never thought you were a nice girl in the 1st place. JOKES
I myself was very mean to my sister growing up. I told my sister not to talk to me in school. As if no one knew we were sisters. I had a very hard shell, I lied to my parents, jumped out my bedroom window, refused to be grounded. I still feel I do still have a shell but I’m 33 now & I am very close to my sister and my family & I cry at sad movies & tell people how I’m feeling. Maybe it’s just maturity.
Now there is nothing wrong with being the “nice” girl as long as you mix a dose of being sassy in there. That leaves room for mystery!:)
There is a whole different set of rules when it comes to sisters. I had mine convinced she was found in the desert. (She was born in Saudi Arabia and I was born in TN.) My birth certificate is in English and hers is in Arabic. She was well into elementary school when she believed otherwise. My childhood meanness STILL haunts me though.
If you were a not so nice child, there’s a reason for it. My parents still try to tell me they found me on the side of the road. Even though I’m a carbon copy of my five siblings. My brothers and I fought so much we could be heard a half mile away. Literally. We lived in the country and the neighbors could hear us.
I was the same way. I think I got tried of people looking like they wanted to kill me. Isn’t if funny how a certain behavior, at age 11 is precocious, at age 15 the same behavior is typical teenage behavior, but at 23, it makes you an asshole? Why is that? They’ve changed, we haven’t, how do we get to be the assholes?
Yes, I knew it. As a reformed mean girl myself, I knew I had found another kindred spirit when we watched the series finale of “What I Like About You.”
Only nice girls like Amanda Bynes.
I think that as you get older you are affected more by things because you have “been there done that” like you are more likey to cry at a break up scene in a movie cause it reminds you of the time that guy broke YOUR heart. And more likely to cry at the story in the newspaper about a families house that caught on fire because you remember when that happened to your best friends family and how hard it was on them. stuff like that. People used to tease me about NEVER crying…now, I’m way overly empathetic.
Does this make me your evil id or something?
Lola, you did NOT just tell people that I watched “What I Like About You!” I swear, guys, it was an accident.
I was totally not nice to my sister. We use to walk her down the road and tell her that her real family was coming to get her now. Older siblings all must suck!
Now I’m a mush and get all sappy.
I use to be the one rolling my eyes, now my friends roll their eyes at me!
nice bit on the msn ‘should you stay friends with your ex’. i’ve debated this myself. finally decided. i’m willing to be friends if he is. i just don’t think he’s capable of it. see last quest comment. Our Fish!
Here!
Think you’ll start being nice to me, too?
And ruin what we have? Never!
Say then: Are you still a fish or something different than that..
I’m still working on inserting more nice and less sarcastic into my life, and I have to tell you, it’s exhausting. It’s so easy to be sarcastic, because it’s my natural state…alas, I know it’s better for my stress level in the long run if I try to take things in stride and with a little bit of “kind” along the way. I’m 25 and don’t feel like having a heart attack just yet.
heh, I was born a bad girl, raised a bad girl, and still am a bad girl
if a guy ever even thinks about breaking up with me he will be pushed, pinned down, and spit on
only then will I point at him and announce that I have given him cooties, claim myself the victor, and quickly circle circle dot dot cootie shot myself so he can’t return the favor
this is why I have never been dumped
Remember the time you called your sister crying and told her you were sorry for the spit? It was 20 years after the fact, and she had already forgiven you, but she really appreciated that you were sorry. And she thinks you’re probably one of the nicest girls she knows now. Maybe everyone has a reserve of “snotty” that has to come out sometime, and you used up all of yours early on.
I’m still a bit guilty about the time I stomped to death a baby bird that had fallen from its nest. Of course, I was only four years old at the time …
Aw, yeah, N, I remember. And thanks
Aslo, I totally already forgave you for talking out loud to your imaginary friend while I was trying to sleep. Water under the bridge. Think nothing of it. 
I agree that siblings represent a completely different category, behavior toward which cannot be used as evidence of one’s character.
Now stomping baby birds…
Ms. Fish –
I came across your blog a few days ago and think I’ve read every single blog since April 03 – gotta alot of time on my hands, huh? Yeah, well the job is slow right now and I’m so glad I found you! I can totally relate with so many things you write about…also being a single 20-something woman living alone in the city with her cats. It gets lonely as hell sometimes, but at other moments is absolutely gratifying! I am fighting with the feeling of having to “find someone” since every single person I know has gotten married in the last two years – eleven weddings come the end of this year – ridiculous?!? But at the same time wanting to be happy with BEING alone right now because it’s independent and liberating most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my independence (and I mean LOVE!) but moments hit you wanting someone to share the funny way your cat darted through the condo for no particular reason. You know what I mean? Anyways, thank you for sharing…I’m with you 100 percent!!
This looks like a sequel of your favorite posting back in Aug last year, “Girl, you will be a woman”, which is as great…..
Talk about doing a 180… did something happen that brought on the change? Do you ever have the urge to act the way you used to? I’ve been told by boyfriends that I can be like Jekyl & Hyde – sarcastic and mean, and sweet and nice, all wrapped up in one person.
Having “been” different people and everything, I bet that’s what helps you to be more sensitive to others’ – you’ve been there, done that!
I know, I am the same way, why has that happened? Sometimes I think I had more fun back then!
I’m so with you. A few weeks ago I called and yelled at my mother after I cried through Grey’s Anatomy not once, but twice (after watching the tape a second time). I used to be such a hardass. Now I carry Kleenex wherever I go.
I think there’s an arc to these things. Ya start off mean, become nice then descend back down into mean again in your old age. I’m totally looking forward to my incipient curmudgeonhood:
“Hey you kids, get out of my yard! My yard, my ball!”
“When I was your age we used to get spit on and we were grateful! Grateful I tell you, it was the only water we got. You kids have it so easy…”
I am totally going to go through the comments and make a list of all of the mean things people admit to doing to their siblings, so that I can send it to my siblings and say “see? And you thought YOU had it bad!”
It’s funny – I think people think of me as a “nice guy” but I grew up in a family of humiliators so my natural jokes and comments are all mean and sarcastic and I never understand why people get upset. I once had a friend take some pictures of me with a beard and when I showed them to my family they said “What is that, your Osama bin Ladin look?” and we all cracked up. When I related the story to my friend, her girlfriend turned to her and said “Don’t worry, they’re like that” and I wondered “What does she mean? That was funny!”
…and then there was the time, when I was 7 and my brother was 4, that I got bored in the car cause my brother was sleeping and I didn’t have anyone to play with (read: torture), so I bit myself on the arm and screamed that my bro (still groggy from being awakened) had just bitten me. I knew full well that “biting” was an automatic spanking, and my dad hated stopping the car on the road.
Dad pulls over, my brother is declaring his innocence, and my mother wants to look at the bite mark. I start sweating bullets cause I didn’t really think this thru and am not sure I really want him to get spanked. On the other hand, if I admit to lying about the bite, I will get spanked. I did the nice thing; I let it play out. Thankfully, my dad had mercy and the whole thing ended with a, “You two just sit there and keep your hands in your laps, no talking”.
Ah, the birth of a drama queen, if she doesn’t have it, she makes it.
I am still not nice, although I do cry at the news.
P.S. Love the blog!
I still regret the mean things I did as a kid.
certainly it must work the other way around…next week is my 30th b-day…i dont feel nice at all
Whoa, whoa, back up!
The dirty pictures — did you save any? And if so, why haven’t you posted them?
I love this. When I used to share a room (and bunk beds) with my little sister, I used to tease her like crazy, pulling her hair, calling her names, anything. It was great at the time, and sometimes I still find it funny, but also HORRIFYING.