It’s too hot to eat, too hot to wear real clothes (or at least, underclothes) and far too hot, apparently, to act like human beings. By the time I got to work I was lightheaded from subway heat, sticky and irritated. But the sweat pooling in my cleavage was the least of my irritations.
Heather: Dude, come home now. New York needs one decent man or it’s going to get swallowed into the sea. It’s prophecy. Don’t wait for the three-hour disaster movie staring one of the Gyllenhaals. Just come home.
Biscuit: I’m TRYING, believe me. Dare I ask what happened?
Heather: Every man I have encountered this morning has been rude and manner-less and dressed really badly. It’s got to be the heat. But really, what kind of man physically pushes a woman out of his way to get iced coffee first? And who won’t stand up on a train for a pregnant lady? I wanted to weep for chivalry. And then I almost decided to sleep with women.
Biscuit: !!! Seriously, I leave and the whole place falls apart! I mean, honestly, I know it’s a bit of a skill to dress well in shorts, but oh yes, it can be done. And I don’t know what I’d do if you decided to go all girls. You think we have drama now.
Heather: Okay, fine. It’s true. I could never date a woman. But men behaving badly are really killing my libido.
If I have not melted into a puddle on the sidewalk by the end of the day (or been pushed onto the tracks by some late-for-his-train Neanderthal in madras shorts), here is what I’m up to tonight. Consider this an invitation to join me.
Book Signing: Straight up and Dirty
Borders, 10 Columbus Circle
People magazine gave Stephanie’s book three and a half out of four stars. And if that doesn’t sell you, even Lindsay said she didn’t hate it, calling it “entertaining.” And that’s a girl who does not go throwing around the compliments.
Cringe (tonight on ABC Nightline!)
Freddy’s, Dean Street & 6th Ave, Brooklyn
Okay, so it’ll be miraculous if I actually make it to Brooklyn in time for this, but seriously, if you’ve never experienced Cringe, it is some funny shit. Join Sarah and the Bride of Cringe tonight and you might get to be on TV in all your sweaty glory.