I think I might be breaking up with my hairdresser*.
A while back, when I decided to quit pretending to be a blonde, I asked for recommendations for a good colorist. And because if there is anything as beautiful as her perfect glowing skin, it’s her hair, I jumped when Rachel recommended her hairdresser, Ann Marie.
It was love at first single process.
The last time I saw Ann Marie, we got a little ballsy and dyed my dark honey hair a deep chestnut. I’ve always been a fan of the fair skin/dark hair look and so I was immediately taken with it. I thought we both felt that way. But turns out, I was wrong.
On Saturday, after the dye was rinsed off, Ann Marie began blowing my hair dry. As she ran her fingers through my hair, I saw her make a face in the mirror.
“It’s a lot darker.”
“Same as last time, I think,” I answered, already feeling a bit defensive.
“And you like it better this way, huh?”
Um, what? Her tone was such that I almost felt as though I should apologize for the dye job she just did.
“Yeah, I do.”
“I guess it’s pretty in its own way.”
She may as well have said, To each his own. I was stunned stupid. I mean, I know your hairdresser is supposed to guide you toward better hair, but she’s supposed to do it tactfully, and in the end, support your decisions. The way a friend would – only, a friend who gets a hundred dollars an hour to do so. Instead of the supportive friend vibe, I was getting jealous high school rival.
And then as if it wasn’t bad enough, Ann Marie went for the throat.
Words like dry and heavily damaged and under-conditioned seeped out as she finished trimming and shaping. Was I sure I didn’t want more than a trim? Yes, I was sure.
“Well, you’ll cut it off when you’re ready.”
Now, if there’s one thing I have always been confident in, it’s the condition of my hair. I was sporting shiny locks long before Pro-V was a twinkle in Pantene’s eye. I may get fat just by looking at ice cream, I may have problem skin, but out of mercy, the sweet baby jesus rained down his blessings and gave me one nice head o’ hair (Except for the entirety of the 80′s. Screw you Olgivie home perms.). But after a few of Ann Marie’s choice comments, I was no longer so certain. She even went so far as to hand me a pamphlet titled, It’s not your hair that’s the problem, it’s how you treat it.
I was on the verge of a vanity breakdown. I could hear Amy March gasping, “Your one true beauty!” as she surveyed the wreck of my once-lovely hair. I left the salon ready to burst into tears. “I have substandard haaaaair!”
Which is, of course, nuts. It’s the same hair I had three days ago, hair that I had been perfectly content with. And ordinarily, I’m more than content with Ann Marie. Ordinarily I’m singing her praises. Maybe it was just an off day and I should give her another shot. Or maybe, we’ve just grown apart. But if that’s true, I think I’d have preferred to hear, “We just don’t want the same things anymore.” You know, as opposed to, “You have bad hair.”
Even Queen Latifah wouldn’t have pulled that shit.
*Do we even still call them that? In the South, we sure do. I can’t help feeling that this is like the stewardess/flight attendant thing and I’ve just set myself up to get a rash of hate mail from angsty hair care professionals.
*** Update ***
Here. Here is a picture of my totally offensive hair (and my second attempt EVER at a self-portrait). And because we have a loving, trusting relationship, I braved the make-up free look. Let’s keep that warm, caring feeling, okay? As always, click for a bigger pic.
She sounds totally jealous to me. She is probably jealous because you look good as a blonde and a brunette. Not too many people can pull that off.
Your hairdresser is supposed to make you feel beautiful. It’s time to cut the cord.
What a way to say “I’d love a tip” I would have given her 23 cents and asked another stylist if she would mind giving me a consultation. I’d like to slap people who walk around in a constant state of pissed off.
But she’s not usually like that! And it’s HER salon, so you’d think she’d be a bit invested in making sure that I came back.
Oh weird!!!
Maybe she recognizes how beautiful your hair is, and wants to do something wild and crazy and submit it to one of those hairstyle magazines? Just a thought!
I do wonder, do you have to give a professional courtesy to end the relationship? Send a card?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I can’t see you anymore
It’s not me, it’s you.
Okay, I just have to say I’m glad you call them hairdressers, too. Someone laughed at me the other day when I said that, and I couldn’t figure out what the hell I was supposed to be calling them.
I had a similar thing happen to me when I was having my legs waxed a few years ago. The woman went on and on about how ugly my legs were because I’d shaved them before resorting to waxing. It was the first and last time I went there. I hate it when I get that treatment!! I felt like telling her that they were much nicer legs than her’s, hairy or not, but she was weilding hot wax so I just left it. I didn’t tip her though.
You know, I’ve started calling mine “my stylist” because I’m not sure what the terminology is either. Then again, since I’m not Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears, I feel awfully silly calling someone “my stylist.”
Whatever the proper term is these days, sometimes any relationship needs a good shake-up. A new hairdresser/stylist can be as good for the soul as a new boyfriend.
Everyone down here in NC and back home in VA says “hairdresser” but I’ve heard people from NY and stuff say “stylist.” I feel like only celebs have stylists.
I think you may have to let her go. She is coming off very jealous high school rival. This isn’t One Tree Hill. She needs to stop it. I hate when people pull that crap.
Was she trying to sell you products? Conditioner, styling spray, etc.? I get that almost every time I go in, no matter who I see.
I bet your hair is just fine.
Dude, probably. I felt so shamed, I bought her salon shampoo & conditioner.
I’ve been there – the worst part being at gratuity time. what to do??!!
Sorry, but you must break up with Ann Marie if she doesn’t do her best to make you feel fabulous. That’s her job.
But you can certainly give her one more chance; maybe she had PMS or her boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with her or something. We all have days when we’re total bitches, don’t we?
I never know what to call them, either! I sometimes call mine “my hair lady.” Alternately, I can also call her “my waxist who also does my hair,” even though I feel hair is her major function.
What happened is terrible. I once left a salon because while I was getting my hair cut, my stylist and another stylist were saying catty things about a customer who had just left. I left there pretty damn terrified over what was to be said about me.
On the other hand, maybe she was just having a bad day. On certain days, today being one of them, I thank god I don’t have to deal with the public, as I would certainly lash out at them!
Oh Fish, come to NH, I’ll give you my hair guy’s contact info. He rocks, is NEVER jealous, and totally cute to boot! (also totally happily married, but a girl can dream, oh yeah, and flirt, right?!)
Absolutely, cut the cord. Sounds like she’s got a little God complex going on. You definitely don’t need that crap. You’re supposed to feel fantastic when you leave the salon.
see, I’m so upset for you, I can’t even spell “Fish!” LOL
(ha! I already fixed it for ya!)
Fish I am totally going through the same thing. Kinda. I told my hairdresser “I want the same thing as last time” It was really dark last time. By the time I got home and blow dryed it (I dont like her to blow dry it cause my hair is really long and thick) it was the same color it was when I walked in! It took her over a week to call me back and when she “fixed” the color it didnt look any different! She tried telling me it was my hair’s fault. I broke up with her, but since she never returns calls I decided I wont be giving her one.
Hehe..I call mine my “hair lady” because I feel weird saying “stylist.”
I also had the same problem at my last haircut, except I was trying someone new and she actually cut my hair bad because I didn’t play by her rules (long story). Besides the bad cut I had my face, hair color, and personal taste blatantly insulted. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that she had served her husband with divorce papers the day before.
Wow! Could she get any more bitter?!? You should of karate chopped her in the throat Miss Piggy style! HIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your hairdresser, I call mine “that woman that does my hair”, shouldn’t bring her bad moods to work with her. It’s part of her job to make you feel beautiful and when she doesn’t do that, you need to find someone who will. She just jealous of your gorgeous hair. Find someone new before Ann Marie does something to your hair so that it won’t be prettier than hers.
Maybe she was having a bad day or just learned her rent was going up?
Still that is no excuse to take either out on you. Guilting you into buying her hair products.
Like you said, it wasn’t Queen Latifah’s special shampoo.
She’s wrong. Just plain wrong. Your hair is gorgeous!
Uhm… yeah. Who has worse HeatherHair envy than I do?! Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich, may be a smidge more jealous than I but still… want to set your hair-do-er straight? Send her my head. That’ll shut her up. And also, Rachel’s great skin is unparalleled. I’m obsessed. Torrie will disagree
Miss you!!
This happened to me, except it was when I got a facial. I’ve always thought I had great skin, but that day I left feeling like a splotchy, ugly monster. I’ve always been complimented on my cute rosy cheeks, and this chick was like “you should really think about getting this stuff lasered out…it’s so…red.” Bite me. I haven’t gone back.
I just got the best haircut and color of my life (well, at least I think so) over on 3rd Ave., just a few blocks from you. I’ll give you my hairdresser’s (that’s what i call them too) name if you’d like.
Gonna echo the other FOFH members here (Fans of Fishes Hair)–your hair is nice and shiny and if I were you, I wouldn’t be hanging around any guy named Lennie Small (look it up).
I’d call Ann Marie a total putz, but apparently she DID sucker you into dropping some scratch on her hair product. SUCKAHHH!!!
I call my hairdresser my “hair girl” which I now realize is even worse. Maybe just “the lady that cuts my hair” is better. Or perhaps Sarah since she does have a name, afterall.
p.s. Maybe you can have Shannen Dougherty (sp?) break up with her for you. (She has a hideous new show on tv called Breaking Up.)
I would chalk it up to she thinks she’s got you hooked. That’s the only thing many hairdressers understand, only they usually put it off on you no matter what.
I got my hair done this past Saturday, and the stylist was (understandably) pissed because I’d taken the scissors to my own bangs (I got tired of having them in my eyes all the time….besides it’s genetic – my grandmother was a hairdresser.)
Anyway, the look of disapproval never left her face while she was washing, cutting and drying it. Just when I thought it was looking great – shiny, bouncy, etc. – she said something about beautiful hair. I thought she meant mine, so I said “thank you.”
Turns out, she was looking at the GUY in the chair next to me, because she hastened to say “oh, you have beautiful hair, too” in her most unenthusiastic tone of voice.
There went MY repeat business!!
So sorry you are not in Colorado because I love my hairdresser (who I am now going to start calling my stylist as if I were a celebrity). If Ann Marie doesn’t like what you are doing to your hair, she should make helpful suggestions (before the color) rather than making you feel insecure. I also HATE when someone tries to sell me their products. If I’m interested in new products, I’ll ask. Dump her. Next!
My dad is a hairdresser, and that’s what they call themselves – at least the ones that do it all. But colorists are colorists, and stylists (imho) cut and style hair only.
Personally, I think you should try and find a man to do your hair. I think that female hairdressers want to look better than their customers, so even if it’s unintentional, they do things like Ann Marie and totally undermine your hair self esteem. Whereas a guy just wants you to look hot!
Time to move on. One comment was enough, several is a serious problem. We don’t have to be the best of friends with our hairdressers, but we do need to click and be on the same page.
Hey Fish – come down to Philly – one of my girlfriends is getting herself up and running and does AWESOME coloring and cuts (I’m always getting compliments) – plus she’s cheaper than $100
i had a hairdresser singing my hair praises. and i was so happy until i looked in the mirror and saw the damage she did to my hair.
Part of the fun of going to the hairdresser is the ego-boost and overall good feeling from having them fawn over you. There are enough positive hairdressers/colorists out there that we don’t need to pay to be insulted!
Heather- I had a bit of trouble following the dialog. I couldn’t figure out who was saying what. Maybe it’s a gal versus guy thing … but I’m thinking not. -Gregg
Wow, Gregg, hope you didn’t strain anything.
Ugh, I hate it when people do that. I had a guy who cut my hair in NY, whom I LOVED (now there’s a perfectly grammatical sentence!) – his name is Thibault – he used to be at Fekkai but moved to Pashah Salon (on Madison Ave). No idea what he charges now, but he was worth every penny. Nicest guy, tall and thin with a great French accent (speaks perfect English but always encouraged me when I tried to speak my sorry-ass French for fun), and he did a great job. Always gave me a great cut, and always made me feel beautiful – and made me feel like he was happy to see me. Definitely recommend him.
I now live in DC and I don’t see a stylist or a hairdresser at the moment – I go to “Alyssa who cuts my hair.” That’s the best thing I’ve been able to come up with. Ha!
hehe, don’t worry Fish, “hairdresser” sounds just fine to us southerners. i mean, you could always go little-old-lady-southerner and say you needed “a trip to the beauty shop.”
We break up with hairdressers in Oz as well! And it sounds like it’s heading that way for you. Time to get a non-jealous, supportive and most of all creative snipper, perhaps!
She did sound pretty harsh. Maybe she was having a bad day.
I’d love to find a good hairdresser. I wear my hair super short, and no one seems willing to take on the task! I get “really? THAT short, are you sure?” I was sure the last 20 bazillion times I’ve had it done, I’m just as sure now.
I had one, but he’s moving on to bigger and better things. He was a genius and did exactly what I asked for with no backtalk. Anything he said was always upbeat and helpful.
The hunt begins once again.
Fish,
Her time is up. Make those shampoo and conditioner the last products you ever buy from her!
I once had a hairdresser who bullyed me into not cutting my hair saying I only suited it long. His reasoning was the very flattering ‘you have a full face and long hair disguises it’. Hides it more like. I hated the way he had done it and it took a load more time to do in the mornings.
Actually I do suit short hair. I never went back there again.
The last time a hairdresser tried to avoid cutting my hair as short as I wanted it, I stood my ground and I could see she was relieved by the result. It did look good. They know nothing…
I call my hairdresser Misty. Like “I need to call Misty this week to get my hair done.” Yes, in Oklahoma, we say “get our hair done.” Anyway, if it’s an afternoon appointment, we make plans for happy hour. If it’s a morning appointment, we share pain relievers and stories from the night before. That’s the way hairdressers should be….
Yes, Fish, you were victim to the “buy my stuff!” push.
IMO, if the person does a great head of hair, I can tune out anything they say. Attitude means nothing to me as long as the end result is fabulous. (It’s hard to find a good hairdresser in NE Ohio).
Fish – sorry you had such a poor experience. A good stylist/hairdresser knows how to properly steer a client towards what they should and shouldn’t do without insulting them. Secondly, if your hair actually is bad (doubtful), then she has done a poor job in servicing you.
My hairdresser back in Dallas is a saint bc he playfully argues with me to make a change by using compliments of how good I will look – not how bad I look at the moment. Or sometimes, when he can properly sense I am ready but need a nudge – he ignores me and moves ahead. Risque? YES! But he’s never insulted my looks or my intelligence and I always leave feeling beautiful. If she has pleased you in the past – talk to her about it. (it’s scary finding a new hairdressser!) Or cut her loose and let someone else coif you. Your own your way up, my dear! It’s her loss!!
I’ll just cut and color your hair myself from now on.
EW EW EW … I broke up with my hair dresser a year ago. I swore by her. Then she moved locations and didnt call me. I found her. Then she did it again, then again, then again. Each time left me with a trail of phone numbers to call and not to mention each distance to drive to her got further and further. The last time I saw her, I had a 9am an hour away. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn on a Saturday to be out of the house by 8am. She left me waiting for 45 min. She was doing highlights for 2 people while she was cutting my hair. I left with straight bangs instead of side swiped ones and spent 80 bucks on a fricken hair cut.
I think I spoiled her to the point where she had the relationship “she’ll be around forever, I can get away with murder” comfort. Sorry about it. My new girl is FABULOUS. I think its time Fish.
I call her, “The woman who does my hair” also.
Only let a man cut your hair. Trust me.
I put it to you this way. My sister is a hairdresser and I will never let her do my hair because of the reason of not doing what I request.
1. You have beautiful hair. One of the only people I know who still has little girl undamaged shiny hair. (Although I know, I know, not YOUR own little girl troll doll hair.)
2. I call mine “my friend Nikki,” because when someone gives you a good cut and it’s cheap and she makes you a margarita while you wait and shows up at your birthday party with a bottle of Maker’s Mark, she’s your friend, not just your hairdresser. And I will give you her number in a second if you want it.
It is really dark, but it DOES look natural in my opinion. I think its gorgeous.
You have really nice tits, Fish. I’m just sayin’.
Your hair looks great; color looks completely natural. But you know what’s unnatural, bordering on bizarre? You look completely different in every picture you’ve ever posted. In trip to DC pictures, you look nothing like your blog glam shot. In this hair photo, you don’t look remotely like either DC or glam. I’m getting this weird Anthony Perkins and his mother vibe. What’s going on, Fish? Is there something you want to share with the group?
Thanks, err… kitten picture person. The good lord made ‘em small but perky.
And uh, Barbara E… I have no idea wht to tell you. The only differences would be make-up, lighting and about fifteen pounds. On the list of things that keep me up at night, my varying appearance in photos is not near the top.
I think your hair is very pretty #1 and you definately are not heavy. Whoever the bozo that posted by this fish, whom I assume is a man, what does he want someone that is anorexic?. You look good and don’t let what others think about you bother you. Remember there opinion of you is not your business.
To my lovely friend Fish,
Your hairdresser is a quack and should be ashamed of herself for guilting you in order to make a product sale.Your hair is beautiful. I am quite partial to the long, dark, straight hair myself. I just dyed my (naturally light brown) hair blue-black and gave myself blunt bangs. Very daring and something I have never done before, but the compliments and Betty Page comments have been very uplifting and positive so I am happy.
I can completely sympathize with you as my hair has always been my one true vanity. It is the one thing I have always known looked good. My thighs may be thunderous and my butt the size of Texas…but my hair never failed to be utterly beautiful to me.
I think you look lovely with dark hair. Don’t let that jealous whore bring you down.
i just recently fired my old stylist and found a new one. sometimes it happens that they stop listening to you (in my case) or just weren’t meant for you. though if she really doesnt think your color is right for you she should speak up BEFORE she puts it on your hair, which btw.. yours looks fabulous.. fire her and find a new girl
Fish: And I don’t play for that team – you are totally beautiful. I’m sorry if I don’t see the problem. And thanks for the thank you note – you’re welcome.
Cat
I’ve broken up with who knows how many hairdressers. One thing is certain. Don’t stay with one that makes you feel bad about yourself.
Well, judging exlusively from the picture I rate:
Beatiful skin
Killer body
glorious hair.
of course, I’m not a professional beauty consultant or anything, but I am a fella.
Add a “u” where appropriate in the above post.
I dunno, wang. I kinda like it without the “u”. Beatiful makes me feel holy, like I’m endorsed by the baby j.
HA. That line will be cracking me up all day!
that is amazing hair color.
You obviously have amazing hair and that woman is clearly a biotch (I can say that on here, right?) so what I am going to comment on instead is that I love that there is a Marc Jacobs sticker on your mirror. Ah, Marc Jacobs….*swoon*
I tend to stick things to my bathroom mirror. The tag under Marc Jacobs reads, “may cause dizziness.” I thought it appropriate.
It’s funny that I should read this post today because I just made an appointment with my hairdresser to get rid of my blonde highlights and go back to my natural brunette state. Now I’m scared!
I think your hair looks very healthy in the photo. I agree with others that you could probably go as light or as dark as you want and still look great.
She’s right, you look better with lighter hair. She has the experience, she did not do a good job of communicating it, but she did offer you an informed opinion.
You have beautiful hair, but your natural color (or something like it) is probably the most flattering. I was a dye whore for years, and when I grew out my natural color? Everyone liked it much better. What a waste for all those years!
Wow, you are one thin lady. Just saying..
Forget about the hair, look at your tight little body. Did you say you were on a diet? Well, mission achieved girlfriend! How’d ya do it?
A food diary! I just write down everything I eat.
But also, I’m a bit of a lopsided gal. Up top thins out long before the bottom. I still have a ways to go. But thanks!
Hey, Heather … it’s nice finally seeing what you look like.
Oh, and your hair looks *great* — dark, but it looks healthy. Of course, I’m a fan of light cornsilk blonde hair, but that’s just me.
Personally, I love the dark hair… and I know what you mean about the hairstylist… I’ve gotten the “damaged” / “underconditioned” lecture before… that’s NEVER a good time.
But I love the hair so all the power to you!
I went to post earlier (like closer to when you posted this), but my computer crapped out, so now I’m back. Your hairstylist is evil. Plain evil. the first time I read the story, it was bad, but after seeing your self-potrait, its even meaner! Your hair looks great! I always dye mine darker at the beginning, that way if it fades a little over the weeks, it isn’t so noticeable. I like your hair, so screw you Ann Marie!
I don’t break up with my hairdresser, I just sneak around on her and then I usually end up crawling back and pleading for her forgiveness after I’ve had my little flings. I feel so ashamed.
I too, am a hairdresser..and I have done the blond to dark look too..
Hey, you can keep the dark..just get some highlights on the head, and you will be the most beautiful..Now, the highlites can be color/or bleach..
As a stylist I struggle with how to recommend products or treatments without my clients thinking I’m giving them the hard sell. So for the most part I wait for them to ask me if they are concerned about the health of their hair. But I’ve also had clients tell me I should have told them about the hot new whatever product! To me the most important thing is trust and if a salon owner is pushing you to pitch a product you don’t believe in it can undermine that effort significantly.
I think your hair looks great but I also think you need a stylist(operator, beautician, friend with an eye for hair or whatever) that you can connect with, you have to be able to communicate with one another to get a great end result!
PS You don’t have to tip away your childs collage education fund but a nice extra gesture (doesn’t even have to been financial) of some sort now and then goes a LONG way to ensure your stylist feels appreciated. And we all know how important it is for us to feel appreciated.
We work hard gals and most of us really do care, more than you would think!
Beware heat of any kind and condition, condition, condition!!!
I too cheat on my hairdresser and then get an attack of guilt, stopping only leave to them for my fling if they’re any good! I would never let anyone talk to me that way regardless of what condition my hair happens to be in.
I agree with everyone, if your hairdresser/stylist/whatever is mean or bitchy, its time to get a new one. But then again, I’m one to talk. I havent had a professional cut or color in months. My mom cut it last and my hair is currently pink….
Goodluck finding a new hairdresser/whatever.
I am 43 and have been coloring my hair since I was 23 thanks to my mother’s side of the families’ early grey gene (my 17 yr old daughter showing signs….)I have beautiful wavy brown hair. I have been through a hundred hairdressers…..mostly because of the difficulty in cutting wavy hair….but some who have no idea how to color…..and I seriously believe some of whom are jealous. Your hair in your photo looks gorgeous. Move on from that hairdresser…..she will continue to cut away at your hair and possibly over process…..beware.
Honey, it looks gorgeous. Keep it as dark as you want – years from now, it’ll start to turn grey, and then you’ll shift to “highlights” or maybe an auburn tone….. (I like this better than the blonde. Anyone can be a blonde, but being a great brunette is a gift)
Amen Indy!!!
I constantly have the same problem… I have naturally dark, dark brown hair, with lots of grey (since I was 15!) and every hair dresser always argued with me about adding highlights, maybe going a few shades ligther, etc. I finally started colouring my hair myself. I get just as many compliments about my gorgeous dark hair and “porcelain skin” as ever.
I call mine a “hairdo-ist”. She’s great. Though I would never color my hair. Too chicken. I like my color anyway. Naturally blond with natural highlights. She even tells me this…And NO pressure to buy anything!
Your hair looks beautiful… Sorry to say, but the comments your “hairdresser” made don’t even come close to those made by my esthetician the first time I saw her for a bikini wax: I was told I was the most “challenging” wax she’d ever done (?!?)… I tipped her 65% and still go to her to this day!!
Fish- 2 things–
Whats on your mirror in the lower right corner? Daily Affirmations? To Do list?
How about a picture with the old former hair color–let your people guide you.
wwjd?
( sorry, Catholic school from grade one to BS.)
what do you suggest to do with my hair? i want bangs. pls respond. i wanna enhance my chinese looks. tnx.pls email me at madel_navida2004@yahoo.com