Like all good fantasies, making out in the rainforest at the Natural History Museum was a fantastic idea. The actual execution of it, however, was maybe not as much. Or, at least, nothing like I’d imagined it.
For starters, making out loses some of its hotness when you schedule it. Large conference room, ten sharp, synchronize Outlook calendarsâ€_ now! The moment we walked into the cheesy (even cheesier than my memory had captured it) dimly lit, plastic canopied corridor, the outing started to feel just a little more absurd than hot.
“Okay,â€ù I said, sliding onto one of the long wooden benches. “I’m just going to sit here and collect myself and when you’re readyâ€_â€ù
He sat down to my left and slid one hand behind me across the top of the bench. As he turned his body toward me, his other hand sliding across the stomach of my black sweater, he lowered his face to mine andâ€_
And I swear, it would have been one really awesome kiss if either one of us could have kept from laughing. Right then, I decided that my next fantasy is going to have to be something that doesn’t involve being stared at by large plastic insects and tiny stuffed deer. Next time, less biodiversity and moreâ€_ doors. After my rainforest experience, I totally get the appeal of the mile high club. Doors that lock.
Which brings me to the second little snag.
Who knew so many kids would be at the museum. On a Saturday afternoon. Ahem. It’s pretty hard to enjoy the fulfillment of your hot (albeit silly) make out fantasy when they parade hundreds of impressionable youngsters through there to make you feel like a dirty old pervert. Someone should really do something about that. You know, spread dirty rumors about the big blue whale or something. Or! Or perhaps I’ll start warning parents that, when overcome by the primitiveness of it all, their young sons might attempt to fellate an ancient Mexican stone idol.* History can be darkly seductive.
Anyway, with some luck, the rainforest managed to stay kid (and adult) free for a solid minute and a half, which made our second attempt at the fantasy make out a much bigger, lower lip biting, PDA success.
*We actually witnessed this on Saturday and I’m not quite sure I’ve recovered from it.
h-o-t….HOT!
YOU ARE!
nice about the kid and the fellatio though X|
it’s like planning a conversation, though right? they never go as expected either. Glad you got to go through with it though – now you won’t be wondering!
Sidenote: right now the banner ad in your right-hand column has some lady who (at quick glance) looks just like you and has similar pose and smile. Bizarro!
i have all night and will repost this question as often as it takes. WHY were the comments shut off on the last post and WHY does my question as to why that was, keep getting deleted also?
Don’t be a dick, k8. Your comment doesn’t KEEP being anything. I had to repost because of an error, and since there was only one comment, and it wasn’t relevant to the post, it hardly made it worth my while to worry about its content. Why do you think the comments were turned off?
Get out. GET OUT. That is totally adorable.
Who is this masked man?! Hmmm?
geez k8, get over it
if fish wanted to talk about it she would… back off, she doesn’t owe you anything!
I’m not sure I’ll recover and I only read about it
All I could think about while reading this post was the movie preview I saw the other day before Borat. . .it’s with Ben Stiller as a night watchman at the Museum of Nat Hist. Apparently, everyone/thing comes alive in the museum at night. Including the dinosaur skeleton and the little diorama people. And right there in the rainforest, a monkey falls on the head of a snogging couple. . . I wish I could remember the name, but Borat swept my brain clean of all else.
Oh but Sue, there’s were your wrong – Fish DOES owe her readers something and it’s called a modicum of respect. This site only exists because readers. Period. If it weren’t for those of us that come every day (or, did) Heather wouldn’t have a “keep” to “earn”. Heather, I found your previous post to be disrespectful to all your loyal readers and narcissistic. That’s all I wanted to say in the other comments. You’re not giving your readers enough credit by stating “I’m not your friend, nana nana boo boo”. It’s rude. And obviously you know it, or you wouldn’t have turned the comments off. Not that you care, but you’ve lost a reader since 2003.
so, at any point during the attempted fellatio, did some overtaxed chaperone utter the words “Joey, don’t put your mouth on that, you don’t know where it’s been.”? I think hearting that might have been the highlight of my year, especially if it was said in that delightful New Yawk accent-a voice like George Costanza’s mother would be perfect.
Get some Fish, GET SOME!!! I went to a wedding this weekend, here’s a serious Q&A I had with my wife:
Mike: “Did that guy just make out with his mom?”
Wife: “Yes” (In a completely deadpan tone)
Mike: “OK then. Carry on.”
You have to love WASPs and their booze.
Mike, tell me that was a joke. I mean, even if it really happened, I would laugh. But then I would have to shudder, too.
Hahaha! The Mexican idol…young sons…very interesting…and quite uncomfortable for the witnesses, not to mention the parents….hahahaha!
It happened, but it was also a joke. Instead of the normal clinking of glasses for a bride/groom kiss, you had to go out to the middle of the dance floor and demonstrate the kiss, then the bride and groom whould copy whatever kiss you gave. So one of the grooms cousins, as a joke made out with his mom. Yes shudder, but if you know the family, it’s funny, and it got one of the biggest laughs of the night. Plus it was funny to me, but I had had about 22 oz of gin by that point.
Sounds exciting Fish.
I’m not your friend either, k8 hahahahahah! Grow up.
i just had to say something to Lisa..first of all, you’re an idiot for actually buying Fish anything from her wish list. Mind you, she is a stranger to you and so are you to her and everyone else who reads her blog. She DOES NOT OWE anyone one goddamn thing! I’ve been reading her blog for awhile now and I adore her style of writing. But I didn’t at all feel slighted about her previous post like some people did. Why? Because I realize that she’s a human being who at times would like to be left alone. The blog is her way to pour out her feelings, nowhere did it ever say “Ask Fish…your pesonal stupid questions!! You want a therapist, call Dr.Phil, people!!! Leave her alone, you don’t like what she’s said, go to other blogs or better, turn off your comp and go cry in a corner.
I coerced a man of mine to make out with me in the kitchen in my 5 roommate-shared apartment one night. I didn’t take into account one of my roommate’s macaroni and cheese concoction when I got picked up and placed on the stove top.
Use this as a cautionary tale.
PS- Fish, completely admirant of you. Thanks for giving me a giggle and a bit of inspiration during the week.
First of all, FANTASTIC! Though these things are never as wonderful when they are planned. Maybe you should try it again in a spontaneous fashion (though could it really be spontaneous at this point?)
Thank you for turning off the comments on that last post. The debate was becoming a little distracting.
Now I’m left to get that disturbing fellatio image out of my head. Ugh.
Christy: was the concoction finished cooking? Because I’m thinking burners bring a whole new level of hot (and are why I have covers on my stove. What? You thought it was to protect the kids?
Kissing in the rain in the middle of the street has always been my favorite… but you’re giving me more ideas. You and Christy. I’m going to have to step it up a bit!
Enjoy the make-out moments. I have some great ones that make me smile when I look back – this sounds like it’s definitely in that category. Excellent.
Yes, kissing in the rain is a good one. Anything outdoors. I was on a hike once, and thought we were alone in the woods. A few (very few) minutes after the ‘fun’ was over, a troop of boy scouts came through on their hike! oops!! that could have been way too educational for them.
seize the moments, romantic or risque, enjoy a little excitement!
dear K8 -
see you can’t stay away – you’re reading this!
natalie
I think your use of “fellate” is astoundingly perfect.
K8 it sounds like you need to get laid. Learn from This Fish – sounds like she’s well on her way!
Way to go, Fish!
LILY-
Seriously, please stop. Post your angry comments on the post below and just leave this one alone. That’s all I ask
Now I want to go make out in the rain! Too bad I’m single and it’s not raining…